A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend left his cell phone in my car. I didn’t think much of it and went through it. I found some text messages from his ex-girlfriend, not regular texts, but flirty texts. I have been with him off-and-on for 6 years! What should I do? I confronted him about it and all he said was that she is just a friend. Help me Heather please! What should I do? Trust him or leave him?!
Ouch. Finding stuff like this really sucks, and I’m sorry that it happened to you. I know you’re probably really freaking out right now, and while I can’t really blame you, the first thing you need to do is try to calm down and figure this out. I can’t make this decision for you, but I can help you get there.
Honestly? I don’t know the whole story, but it sounds like your boyfriend is being pretty shady. This isn’t something you should be ignoring. However, there are some factors to take into consideration: have you always known that your BF has been friendly with his ex, or did you have no idea they were talking? When did they break up? Did they ever hang out when you two were having an ‘off’ period? Is she dating someone else? And were the texts super flirty, like ‘I can’t wait to see you again’, or were they a little more tame?
Also, just the fact that you felt like you needed to go through his texts is a red flag to me. If you felt truly secure in the relationship, you wouldn’t even be tempted to spy on his personal messages. It doesn’t sound like you trust him, and that’s not a good thing at all.
After you think about all of this, you really need to have another conversation with your boyfriend. Tell him how much this bothered you and don’t let him try to brush it off. If he continues to say she’s just a friend, you have three choices: you can dig a little deeper to find out more (I don’t normally advocate snooping, but sometimes a little bit is necessary), you can choose to believe him and let it go, or you can end things.
If your BF has lied to you before and you have a strong feeling he is now, then I would say it’s time to break things off. If this is his first offense and you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, that’s fine too. Basically, you should do what feels right. Trust your instincts – they usually won’t let you down.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org