Confession: I Fell For An Older Guy


Fell for an older guy

Didn't the same thing happen to Serena with way-older (and married!) Tripp?

When I was 18, I totally fell for a 35 year-old-man. He was in a band—I know, chiche, right? He lived in Boston and I lived in Ohio, and I’d only see him when he came through town for a show. He had star tattoos and he chain smoked and I thought he was so mature—he was getting his PhD in economics at a school in Boston. I was very close with my mom, I told her everything, and I probably would have told her my feelings for Eric. But there was one problem: his mom was my mom’s best friend, and she just couldn’t know.

Hayden's dated so many old dudes by now, we've lost count!

I went to college a few hours from Boston, and away from my parents, my friendship with Eric grew. We’d talk on the phone every night–me sitting in my dorm or in the laundry room, him in his apartment in Boston. I couldn’t figure out what he saw in me but I didn’t care. Once, he made a joke about boobs. “Why do guys love boobs so much?” I asked flippantly, not expecting a response. He launched into an entire discourse about something about how biologically, when we were monkeys, males sought out females with bigger mammory glands because of something-something-something that was way over my head. I thought, wow, he is so smart.

One day he offered to take me to a concert in New York City. He picked me up in his car and we spent the whole day and night together. We didn’t have sex, but we kissed, and I thought I was probably in love.

I told a few of my close friends from home about Eric, the ones who I knew wouldn’t judge me. They teased me about how he was divorced and closer in age to my dad, but I don’t think they realized how serious I was. We continued to see each other in secret. It almost didn’t matter what Eric said or did, I thought he was everything.

Thank God I didn't end up like Courtney Stodden. Gross!

My mom definitely knew something was going on. She told me how Eric should date women his age, and how I should be dating guys my age. Guys in college, guys in my classes. But since I never confessed anything to her, she never directly confronted me, either.

After awhile I started to feel claustrophobic. I wanted to spend time doing college things, but Eric always wanted to talk on the phone. I spent hours writing to him and calling, but I got sick of worrying about a relationship I wasn’t even sure I was in. I started focusing on college, ignoring Eric’s phone calls, writing to him less. After awhile, our contact waned until it was almost nothing.

I started to realize how weird it was that a grown man had been paying so much attention to me. We had nothing in common. We weren’t on the same level in any way. He had been married and divorced, and I was still in an innocent stage of dating and fooling around. I knew it wasn’t right. If had only listened to my mom from the beginning, I never would have had to deal with these feelings. But I’m glad I went through it. Nobody could tell me my secret relationship with Eric was wrong, I had to find it out on my own.

*The author of this article asked to remain anonymous


Posted in: Confessions, Health, Sex & Relationships, Love&Sex
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  • Flora

    No right, no wrong i guess. Every relationship’s a case of its own. Which makes things really difficult sometimes.

  • pearl

    There is nothing wrong about having a relationship with an older guy. Have you seen the number of disasters with guys our own age, well the so called younger guys? Why isnt there bad press about them. Older guys are more mature, more endearing, know how to handle a girl/woman, educated, smart, generally successfully in a good job, have a place of their own etc etc. I only go for much older guys. I just dont find anything in common with guys my age. All they do is drink beer and want to watch those football games on TV. Thats their idea of a good time. The guys I have been with have such rich life experiences, they make interesting conversation, they have travelled and have seen life. Also they are accomodating and patient of our sexual needs. They understand how we feel. The explanations about older guys just wanting a younger girl because they are pervs or someway find sex with a younger girl more appealing are just wrong. Dont younger guys want sex too. Why is that excuse given all the time. Yes sex is part of a relationship whether you are younger or older. Also the sex is consensual. It isnt as if the older guy forced the younger girl to have sex. Thats an awful and narrowminded thing to say. Attraction is a complex subject and how 2 people are attracted to each other will never be understood. Its just that there is this societal belief that somehow an older guy should not be dating someone much younger. This is how younger girls are brainwashed to expect and believe. Where does it say that it is wrong other than peoples own beliefs and how we have structured our society’s way of thinking. Some such relationships dont work because as you can see those relationships are starting off with the societal handicap of stigma. Then there is gossip and this leads to the destruction of that relationship which would have thrived had it not been for those idiots in society saying such relationships are wrong. Are we really living in an advanced, sophisticated, liberal and broadminded society? I doubt very much. There is too much judgement and reluctance to live and let live. Very sad indeed!

  • yunsaf

    smart girl :DD

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  • BharbeePixie

    Glad you realised early enough… I’ll be 18 next year and can’t imagine myself dating a 25yr old not to mention a 35yr old. That Eric guy would have given u night mares if you just didn’t realize he was the wrong person on time.

  • niamh-guinevere

    I don’t necessarily think ALL May-December relationships are “wrong” and some can definitely work, but a lot of them do make me question. In this story, it sounds as if Eric was rather immature and just looking for nookie. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but if you wanted any kind of real *relationship*, then a guy like Eric isn’t the way to go. You’re right, the two of you had NOTHING in common and were coming from completely different stages of life. Most of the time, a situation like that isn’t going to be long lasting. Sure, it CAN work sometimes, but I wouldn’t advise it.