Ask A Guy: Do Guys Like To Chase gURLs?

Caleb loved chasing Hanna in Pretty Little Liars...

Dear Ethan,

My friends always tell me that I shouldn’t ask a guy out because they love to chase girls and asking them out would turn them off. Is this true? Do guys really LOVE to chase girls around?

Want the short answer? Yep, guys love to chase gURLs. But that doesn’t mean gURLs can’t ask guys out, provided that they keep a few things in mind. The long answer – the one which will help you get your man – requires a bit more explaining.

While honesty is generally the best policy, there’s also a time when a little “game playing” is appropriate. For example, at the very start of a new relationship, there’s no need to uncover everything about yourself at once, or to make yourself too available (“Sure, I can hang out Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or…I’M ALREADY OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE!”). Just as it repels females, desperation is about as appealing to males as Sex and the City. Maintaining some mystery throughout the first few dates will keep the guy intrigued.

However, you also don’t want to get too caught up in “strategy” and come off as disinterested, or worse, a jerk. It’s not about intentionally ignoring his phone calls or insulting his grandmother. Just pace things out a bit. Reveal your feelings gradually. Give him time to look forward to your next date. Once you’ve both established exclusivity, honesty and trust will replace gameplay entirely.

But Pauly D was so not feeling Deena's desperate attempts in Jersey Shore.

So no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a gURL asking a guy out. If the guy is interested, he’ll be excited by your confident overture. But once you make your move, step back and allow that guy to take some initiative. If you continue to assume control, he might feel emasculated; relentless advances may turn him off. And if he is cool with you running the entire show, you’ll likely be the one to lose interest first.

Now go out there and make that boy chase you! (But if he takes too long, suggest dinner and Happy Feet 2.)

Good luck!

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at!

Posted in: Ask A Guy, Dating, Help&Advice, Love Advice
Tags: , , ,
  • Gigi

    I really like this guy. He is a sophmore while I am a freshman in high school. His teachee sent him to my math class for a semester and a half of a semester just passed. Literally a few days ago October 28…and I really really like him. But all my friends say I shoulsnt ask him becsuse “girls don’t ask guys “…I domt kmow what to do. Get over him and find someone my age or go for it?

  • Mimi-hime

    honestly? I’ve read in books (manga) that guys want that they’re the first to confess! It said that if a girl confesses and all, all the boy has to say is “I like you too”. So, the girl has more conversing in the confession. However, the boy wants him to be the one to say the first “I love you” and all. He wants to make sure that he loves the girl more and take the first step…
    something like that……………..

    what do you think about it? which is which?

  • Christina

    Hey Ethan,
    So I’m not sure if you’ll answer this question or not (since this article is old and I haven’t been on this website in years so a lot of stuff has changed) but it’s regards to me asking a guy out to coffee.
    I’m not really a shy person but I’ve never had a boyfriend or really had a reciprocated crush for most of my life. So it’s always made me feel a little–nervous about flirting and other things like that.
    The guy I like is in one of my classes this semester. We talk before class and sometimes after class, he’ll always say hi to me if he sees me around campus, and he’s not a really chatty guy (in fact he only talks to me in that class). Also, he let me borrow a book from home about a subject that I was interested in. I thought that was pretty nice of him considering he hardly knows me. He does initiate a lot of our conversations now but it’s usually about the latest paper we turned in (same major).
    I’m running out of time and I don’t know if making a move on him to grab coffee or something would be either 1) too bold or 2) too friendly (putting me in the friendzone). What’s an over-analytic girl to do?

  • Ethan Fixell

    Hey Shamara,

    As a guy with a girlfriend who reports consistent symptoms of PMS each month (and as the guy who tries to help her through them), I can tell you that that’s a really great question! If you can submit it to, I’ll definitely answer it in a future post.



  • Shamara

    How do guys feel about PMS: the mood swings, the cravings, ect. from the girls around them?