Why Do Guys Treat You Differently Around Their Friends?

Is he like this in public...

Hi Heather,

Why do some guys insult girls that they like while they’re around their friends, but when it’s just you two they want to be all lovey dovey with you? Why is that?

It totally stinks when a guy treats you differently around their friends, and I know it can be hard to understand why they do that. But before you write off this dude as a complete jerk, consider this first: he’s probably pretty much just playing into peer pressure on how he thinks a guy is supposed to act.

Here’s the thing with most guys: they might not seem like they care about what their friends think about them, but they do. Big time. Sometimes, maybe even more than gURLs. And what do a lot of young guys want to be seen as? A ‘manly man’. And in their mind, it’s hard to be seen as a “manly man” when you’re acting all cutesy and cuddling with your gURLfriend.

Sounds ridiculous? That’s because it kind of is. Obviously, treating women with respect, or even just showing affection towards them, doesn’t make a guy any less of a man— in fact, it only makes them more of a man. But unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t think that way, and since they want to be accepted by their friends, they tend to act like jerks.

...but like this when you're alone?

Still, this doesn’t excuse their behavior. Your boyfriend should never be insulting you or making you feel crappy about yourself just because he’s worried about his reputation. This is something you definitely need to talk to him about. Tell him that the way he treats you in public isn’t okay. Explain that you’re not asking him to show you tons of PDA, but he needs to be respectful. You care about yourself too much to date a dude who puts you down, even if he says he doesn’t mean it.

If your guy refuses to be nice to you even after that, it’s not something worth putting  up with. Reputation or not, your boyfriend should be nice to you all the time. Cut him some slack at first, but after a while, it might be time to think about moving on.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


Posted in: Dating, Friends, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions
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8 Comments

  1. Pingback: Dating Advice: My Boyfriend Is Mean To Me In Front Of Friends | Gurl.com | BOOKMARKS ~* ARCHIVES

  2. avatarmizz says:

    Yup akward feeling ur everything to him when ur alone .,and a stranger when his with friends!! Not cool at all!

  3. avatarvirgochild says:

    My boyfriend acts completely the same alone and when were with his friends or my friends. It’s one of the things I appreciate and admire about him.

  4. avatarsarah says:

    im going through the same thing well this boy aint my bf he is ju a friend but he dont talk to me infront of his friends because he says that they will make it out as if we r bf and gf how cani talk to him im 13 and he is 15 or 16 i think he is 16

  5. avatarangie says:

    if a guy treats that in front of his friends he doenst love you

  6. avatarKeryn says:

    The highest thing a guy cn do to his gURL dat she shud/cud b able 2 get over is the ‘I-don’t-care’ attitude or ‘she’s-not-my-controller’ kindof attitude. Dat one is undstndable 4 me becos guys naturally feel sucky wen their frndz thnk their gURLfriends are controlling them. But, it shudn’t go beyond ‘she’s-not-my-controller’ to ‘I’m-her-controller’ becos thatz whr d mean attitude n insults comes in. A guy, if he thnks that his frndz will jeer, laugh at, or ridicule him becos they thnk he’s 2much inluv wit his gURLfriend n as a result, is weak, shud nt in any case succumb 2 them n try 2 mk his gURL fil bad in public becos datz 1 of d best times to show to the gURL that ‘however u r, whoever u r, whatever u r, that’s how I like u. And ntn can chng my impressi0n abt u, frnds or no frnds. If they wl jeer at me 4 d way I am with u, then no qualms!’

  7. avatarKeryn says:

    The highest thing a guy cn do to his gURL dat she shud/cud b able 2 get over is the ‘I-don’t-care’ attitude or ‘she’s-not-my-controller’ kindof attitude. Dat one is undstndable 4 me becos guys naturally feel sucky wen their frndz thnk their gURLfriends are controlling them. But, it shudn’t go beyond ‘she’s-not-my-controller’ to ‘I’m-her-controller’ becos thatz whr d mean attitude n insults comes in. A guy, if he thnks that his frndz will jeer, laugh at, or ridicule him becos they thnk he’s 2much inluv wit his gURLfriend n as a result, is weak, shud nt in any case succumb 2 his them n try 2 mk his gURL fil bad in public becos datz 1 of d best times to show to the gURL that ‘however u r, whoever u r, whatever u r, that’s how I like u. And ntn can chng my impressi0n abt u, frnds or no frnds. If they wl jeer at me 4 d way I am with u, then no qualms!’

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