Why do some guys insult girls that they like while they’re around their friends, but when it’s just you two they want to be all lovey dovey with you? Why is that?
It totally stinks when a guy treats you differently around their friends, and I know it can be hard to understand why they do that. But before you write off this dude as a complete jerk, consider this first: he’s probably pretty much just playing into peer pressure on how he thinks a guy is supposed to act.
Here’s the thing with most guys: they might not seem like they care about what their friends think about them, but they do. Big time. Sometimes, maybe even more than gURLs. And what do a lot of young guys want to be seen as? A ‘manly man’. And in their mind, it’s hard to be seen as a “manly man” when you’re acting all cutesy and cuddling with your gURLfriend.
Sounds ridiculous? That’s because it kind of is. Obviously, treating women with respect, or even just showing affection towards them, doesn’t make a guy any less of a man— in fact, it only makes them more of a man. But unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t think that way, and since they want to be accepted by their friends, they tend to act like jerks.
Still, this doesn’t excuse their behavior. Your boyfriend should never be insulting you or making you feel crappy about yourself just because he’s worried about his reputation. This is something you definitely need to talk to him about. Tell him that the way he treats you in public isn’t okay. Explain that you’re not asking him to show you tons of PDA, but he needs to be respectful. You care about yourself too much to date a dude who puts you down, even if he says he doesn’t mean it.
If your guy refuses to be nice to you even after that, it’s not something worth putting up with. Reputation or not, your boyfriend should be nice to you all the time. Cut him some slack at first, but after a while, it might be time to think about moving on.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org