From The Boards: Should You Lose Weight For Your Sweetie?

Lose Weight

Fighting over weight? Not too cool.

Weight is touchy subject for most people. No one really wants to be told they need to gain weight OR lose weight, especially from the people closest to you. So what would you do if your sweetie asked you to drop a few pounds? Would you be completely offended, or would you do it to please them? Do you think they even have the right to ask you that in the first place? We read about one gURL’s situation in the boards, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Check out what these gURLs have to say to about it:

srgal23 asked:
I’ve been with this guy for 4 years and now he wants me to lose weight. When we got together I was about 210 pounds and a size 14. Today I’m around a 6/8. My skinniest was a size 4 but I allowed myself to put on a little weight because I did not look healthy. I’m having a difficult time with it because I’m not unhappy with my body but I also don’t want to lose him over something so dumb. It seems petty that this is what we fight about. He is thin and fit, I’m a little out of shape but not a blimp. What do I do?

hero_of_the_day replied, saying:
What were his exact words?

I, personally, like to keep in shape and eat healthy and blah blah. I’d prefer my man to do the same. If I noticed him gaining a lot of weight, I might say something. I wouldn’t say “get skinnier for me or it’s over!” but I would kindly ask him to work out with me or start eating healthier for his own sake.

bexx18 replied, saying:

There's no need to stress over the scale to please people.

that’s ridiculous … as long as your healthy and comfortable in your body, you shouldn’t have to change for anyone. I’m not saying break up with him, but you should tell him that you feel healthy and comfortable now and that he should love you for who you are not how you look, even if you are drop dead gorgeous, or fat and unhappy.

So what do we think about this? Well, in this situation, we’re going to have to agree with bexx18. It’s one thing for your sweetie to ask you to lose a few pounds if you’re overweight and unhealthy. But it’s another thing if your sweetie asks you to do that when you’re at a perfectly healthy weight. No one should ever change the way they look just to please someone else, no matter how long you’ve been dating. There’s nothing wrong with your sweetie giving you a little extra motivation, but pressuring you to lose weight is just not cool.

The bottom line is this: if you’re happy and comfortable with your body, then that is all that matters. If your guy loves you for you, he’ll understand. If not? You’ll find someone who does.

Who do you agree with? Have you ever been in a similar situation? What kind of advice do you have for this gURL? Tell us in the comments.

Posted in: Advice Gurl, Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Love&Sex, Relationships, Your Body
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  • A guy

    Everyone is different, but I think it comes down to how you ask and that you do it in a way that doesn’t hurt your partner. Also, it’s probably less of a deal to ask a guy than to ask a girl, I still think women experience more pressure to look good. I was asked by my girlfriend if I could get rid of my gut and go for abs, and frankly I didn’t mind since I was already relatively fit.

  • StylesHearts

    It depends on whether you are a healthy weight or not. If he’s asking you to drop a few pounds because your curvy, and he has a problem, that’s totally wrong, and mean, considering most boys aren’t going to be perfect body builders – in that case he should learn to accept you, or leave you. On the other hand, if he’s asking you to drop a few pounds because he’s concerned about your health, it would be a good idea to listen to him he obvious he cares about you and wants to support him, so let him!

  • PrettyDemonEyes

    I am in a completely opposite situation. I am twenty-two and have a fiance who does not care about my size; he loves me no matter what. However, I recently gave birth to our beautiful son in June last year and am now disgusted with my body. Before pregnancy, I was a size three, and my boobs were awesome! Now, I am completely miserable because my boobs are lopsided with milk and am a size 10. I feel like a failure as to being the perfect trophy wife I always aspired to be and have explained all of this my hubby. He somehow still loves me. What I don’t understand is this: How can he love me if I don’t love myself? I was always taught that no one will love if I don’t love myself… so is he just saying these things or are we just not meant to be?

  • Medina

    I used to be asked out in elementary school and it was a normal thing that happened and i know that it wasn’t a real relationship and i didn’t really care about the boys i dated or even liked them, but now that i am almost in high school, i haven’t had anyone ask me out. It doesn’t bother me that much, but when i first got into middle school, none of the boys asked me out and i realized that the girls that got asked out all the time were super skinny and i wasnt. I remember the summer of 7th grade, i said to myself, after a boy i liked totally rejected me, that i would lose weight so that i would have a boyfriend and when he asked me out, i would reject him, and worked super hard to lose weight and when i never did, i felt like no one would ever ask me out. It was ironic how when i didn’t really need to or want to date guys, i did, and when i did, i was single. But now i realise that weight doesn’t matter, love is love and when i find that special guy, i won’t have to change for him.

  • mandy

    well my thing is the same. you should not change for anyone but yourself. if u feel like you’ve gained weight and u think you should eat healthier than its completely up to you. don’t let anyone say u should do something that you don’t wanna do.

  • c

    No. That is ridiculous. There is nothing unhealthy about being a size six…or, for the record, a 14. Most importantly, YOU need to love your body. If you don’t love it, it can be hard to find someone else who will.
    When it comes down to it, your body is yours. It is really none of his business, even if you’re dating. If he thinks you’re being unhealthy, he can express concern, but there’s no reason for you to feel obligated to listen to him. And if he leaves because you’re not willing to become something you’re not comfortable with, he’s not worth it.
    Personally, I’m a size 12. I eat healthy. I could exercise a little more, but I’m not overly concerned. I’m maintaining weight. More than anything else, I’m comfortable with my body. I used to try to do whatever it takes to keep a guy, including losing weight and changing how I acted. But soon enough, I wasn’t eating, I hated myself, and I couldn’t figure out who I really was anymore.

    What do you feel is more important: Your happiness or his?

  • Top Cat

    I absolutely agree. Anyone who asks you to change who you are is not worth your time. If they really love you they will love every part of you. If you feel healthy and great then that is all that matters.

    • mandy

      i agree.

  • Anonymous

    Just a thought…Personally, I don’t think its right for your sweetie to ask you to lose weight at any size, fat skinny, whatever. That’s not his/her business to tell you that, that’s something you have to come to on your own. If that person really loves you, then they won’t judge or even care about what size you are but they will love you for what’s on the inside (it may sound like a “fairytale” concept but it still exsists).

    • justaguy

      Honey, you’re living in a fairy tale. If you only love what’s on the inside, then you’re only loving, at most, half of that person. By your reasoning, a partner could go on a binge and completely destroy their health and looks… and the other partner would have just accept it. That doesn’t sound like a partnership. That sounds like hostage situation. True love seeks to strive and please the object of it’s affection. It’s something that’s mutually upheld by both parties. Anything else is just self serving. Once you’re in a committed relationship, you’re no longer the sole general manager of your life. Your choices, whether they be good or bad, have have an effect on your partner’s life. If you’re blimping out, and your sweetie is struggling with it, then you can’t just expect him or her to “just deal with it” and there not be any problems. The best thing you could do is to make a positive choice for your health and the relationship and suck it up… Lose the weight and get healthy. If it’s affection true love, then your significant other will support you… hell… Even join you.

  • ToxicMMs

    Umm… No, I don’t think that it’s a problem if someone you’re seeing asks you to lose weight. That is, of course, if you and the person have been seeing each other for a while and are in a committed relationship. It would be a little ridiculous for someone you’ve gone out with three times to ask you to lose a few pounds.

    If a serious partner was to ask you to lose weight you should considerate under the following conditions;
    – If he says it in a respectable way.
    – if you feel that you need to lose weight.
    – if that person is willing to diet/exercise WITH you (that way they can have some sort of an idea what it’s like going through it)

    I know that everyone should be comfortable in their own skin and shouldn’t be forced to change anything about their appearance unless they feel they need to but if losing a few extra pounds is all it will take to make someone you really care about happy… WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL…?!?!