Boards
Bullies
Have you ever been mean to a mean girl?
Bullying is the worst. Whether you’re at school, hanging with friends, or online, nobody should have to put up with mean comments and haters. It’s clear that we’d love to kick bullying to the curb, but what about the bullies themselves? We can’t just “poof!” make them disappear, or travel back in time to erase what they’ve already done.
Which is how we got to this week’s debate: Should bullies be bullied back? Obviously they need to learn to change their ways, but is the best method a taste of their own medicine? Is bullying a bully a just punishment, or just a little too harsh? Your gURL editors can’t seem to agree, and we want to know what you think. So check out our thoughts and then let us know how you feel.
Who has time for bullies?
Julie: Bulldoze Those Bullies
I get why some people feel a sense of justice over bullies getting bullied and I also see why some people want to help bullies feel better about themselves instead of punishing them. Personally, I don’t really care what happens to my bullies, as long as they’re out of my face. There’s no glory for me in hurting my past bullies or, honestly, in helping them either. If I had my way, I’d just have a big old bulldozer come and push them into a part of the world I’m never planning on visiting.
In reality, what I’ve done is tell whomever’s in charge — teachers, camp counselors, etc. — and then completely stayed out of the follow up with the bully. I’ve been lucky. Most of my bullies have only needed one talking to and then they pretty much act like they’ve been bulldozed out of my life. I have no idea if they’re still bullies or if they’re getting bullied themselves right now. And I really don’t care.
Oh, and by the way? No bullies allowed.
Melanie: Bullies Blow
I’ve heard stories about bullies getting death threats in the mail from people they don’t even know—and I definitely think that’s going way too far, but I wouldn’t exactly be inviting bullies to my birthday party to make them feel included, either. I think when it comes to bullying, a lot of people get “fair punishment” confused with “retaliation bullying.” Bullies totally deserve to be punished for what they’ve done, and I think feeling left out and not really welcome is part of that.
If people whisper about a bully in the hall, telling each other about the awful things he or she did to another student? That’s not bullying, either—those kids are just speaking the truth and warning each other about how nasty that person can be. I’m not saying bullies can’t turn into nice people and earn back friendships and respect—they can—but the thing is they really do have to earn that over time.
Even bullies deserve love!
Jessica: Befriending Bullies
Let me be clear: I’m not saying that I agree with bullying in any way. Actually, I hate it and if I could do something to seriously change it, I would (and I do, if the opportunity comes up). But here’s the thing: bullies are people too. It’s easy to forget that when they’re being cruel and nasty to you and making you feel awful. But before you bully them back, you should ask yourself why they started bullying in the first place.
Some people who bully have serious problems. They could have really low self-esteem, they could have had a horrible childhood or still have a terrible family life, they could have been bullied themselves when they were younger. I’m not saying that any of those things justify bullying someone else, nothing does, but it is something to think about. Maybe what some of them need the most is a hug and a little understanding. Sounds corny, but it could be true.
How would you deal with a bully? Have you ever bullied anyone or have you ever been bullied? Do you agree with Julie, Melanie or Jessica? Let us know in the comments.
bullies
Can You Trust Him?
I don’t necessarily believe in bullying a bully, but I believe in standing up for yourself. If someone calls you names, stand up and say you won’t be talked to like that and tell them to sit down. If someone is swinging at you, I believe in swinging back out of self defense. But no, I don’t believe in handing out the same treatment as them. Don’t be a bully, be a strong person who stands up for them self.
well i don’t know really. i don’t get bullied no more that was back in middle school. but now i know how to stand up 4 myself.
Being nice can only get you so far. I give people the benefit of the doubt the first few times — perhaps they were having a bad day, etc, but after that grace period, all bets are off. I am not your personal punching bag and I refuse to be so, not matter what your reasons are. Perhaps this response lacks compassion for the other person, but if you’re good at verbal sparring, you will probably never have to deal with the acidic behaviors of someone who didn’t even think to be compassionate to you — those type of people look for easy targets. And if you still do have to deal with them? Well, at least you’ll be on equal footing to them instead of being a victim. Don’t let people push you around. After high school, there is no adult to run to for diffusing the situation. Tell the police someone is calling you names and watch them laugh. Learn how to deal with these people now. Don’t sit there and take it until you snap and kill someone or yourself. You are worth fighting for.
How about, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind?”
Bullying tends to stem from people who also have low self-esteem. Yes, some bullies go too far and it turns into harassment or even battery. However, escalating a bullying situation by returning violence with more violence is beneficial to no one.
There is a fantastic book by Jodi Picoult called “19 Minutes” which is about a kid who was bullied so much that he resorted to shooting people at his high school. Every time he tried to seek help from teachers, they told him that there was no proof of bullying. Unfortunately, this isn’t uncommon. I was accused of bullying my best friend because they saw me smiling while she was performing a solo in the school musical. Instead of talking to the girls in the front row who were making such rude comments that my friend was bawling by the end of the show, they pulled me away from consoling my friend and told me that I was a horrible friend and that my friend deserved someone better than me. When I told them that these girls had been terrorizing my friend for months, they told me I had no proof.
When it comes down to it: How can you possibly prove that you’re being targeted? That you’re terrified to go to school because you don’t know what will be said to you or about you that day? That you were cornered in an empty hallway by some guys friends who called you a liar and a whore? You can’t. Why? Because no one was there to step in.
That’s what is wrong with bullying: People who stand by and let it happen.