Ask A Guy: Is He Into Me?

Is He Into Me?

Um, yes. We'd say he's into you.

Dear Ethan,
I’ve got a guy friend who I’ve started feeling attracted to. He’s always joked around with me and made comments implying that he likes me (and I used to ignore it), but where do the jokes end? How do I know if he’s into me? Can you give any hints in body language or cues which can tell me when it’s not a joke?


As a lifelong dude, I’ve come to a pretty unshakable conclusion on the “co-ed friendship” issue. Once beyond puberty, a guy will only befriend a girl for three reasons:

1) She’s dating one of his buddies

2) He’s already dated her and has since moved on

3) He wants to make out

Let me put it this way: if your male friend isn’t joking about liking you, he might like you. If he is joking about liking you, then he definitely likes you. While you’re asking “Is he into me?,” he’s probably wondering why you haven’t kissed him yet!

But if you still need proof that your friend is into you, there are also some unmistakable physical signs:

You're honestly still wondering if he likes you? Seriously, gURL?

Persistent body contact
Hand slaps, shoulder squeezes, elbow grabs, booty bumps – all are obvious flirtations. Whether subtle or obnoxiously immature, touching is a way of getting physically closer to you.

Random calls and texts
Guys aren’t generally big phone talkers – that is, until they have a cool chick to chat with. I didn’t know how much I liked to talk about shoes and celebrity babies until I met my girlfriend. If your guy friend is calling or texting frequently without any apparent agenda, and the convos tend to ramble on playfully for hours, something amorous is brewing there…

Spending tons of time together
Do you spend more time with him than your roommate or bestie? Has he randomly showed up at your place of work just to “keep you company on your lunch break?” If he’s going out of his way to hang by moving plans around or showing up at the most random of places (e.g. your Twilight discussion group), he is clearly prioritizing you as more than a friend.

All of these indicate a potential pal-crush – detect two or more, and you might just be on the verge of a new romantic relationship!

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “Is he into me or not?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him here or put that in the comments, too!

Posted in: Ask A Guy, Help&Advice, Uncategorized
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  • sharon

    i am talking to man friend for four years, he said i love you but i am not in love with you, i was offended,but still decided to continue ,eventually i asked him again after some time how his is feelings towards me he said that it was established that i love him more than he loves me and he does not understand y thats so,he finally told me that i am too talk ative and hes fed up with me and relationship, hes also cant be bothered with my job.he agreed to end relationship and be my friend,but i told him no i will not be in his life ever again he then said lets talk and see where it goes, however he wants sex from me, what is happening, i only go to his home when he said he wants to see me and he does not come to look for me , said there is no space at my home to accomodate him,we hardly go any where together.

  • Other

    Help, so I likes this guy and he said that he liked me and we went out for maybe 2 weeks and then he said to me in txt message that he doesn’t like me. But he stares at me all the time, he fed me food at lunch in front all of his and my friends and he didn’t care and I’m so confused! 🙁

  • jo

    We have known each other for more than 10 years, but was only friends, we was friends with benefits for the last months, but he stopped it has he has a erector problem, through his medication, he is cutting down on his medication (he told me that), we see each other 2 or 3 times a day and when we are not together we text and call. He is an alcoholic and hasn’t had a drink for months and so he has never had a sober relationship. He is always the one to ring or text first, my problem is he tells everyone that we are only friends when he knows I have feelings for him.

  • Ella

    Theres this guy that found out I like him. Everytime I see him he does yhis wink jokey thing but I’m not sure if hes ACTUALLY joking anymore. How can I find out if hes joking or being serious?!

  • Mildred

    Well…Ethan. There’s this guy friend of mine who i have a crush on, and recently, on an IM site, he just told me that he liked me too. Mind you, i did not tell him that i liked him. Buh we are going 2 go out soon, and i juz have 2 questns. Is he just kidding? Because, i only had some signs he liked me, lyk his constant smiling and laughing at everything i say, and looking me straight in the eye (BTW he has beautiful eyes nd long eyelashes, i could stare at him all week) but dat’s about it. And my second question is am i rushing things? Cos, i told him we would become official one week afta school resumption, nd we are resuming for the new trimester on the 13th of January, and i told him we’ll be official bf/gf after one week of dat time. So i just want 2 no if im rushing things.
    PS: evrione z alredi unda d impression dat we r goin awt, cos of a truth or dare game i playd wif hm, buh dahs anoda story.
    Id really appreciate ur honest opinion on dis, thanks. And hez name z Peter nd mine Mildred. Hez 15 and im 13. We r both Nigerians and we r in Nigeria.


  • Christine


    So my best friend came home for Christmas break and we were bored so we decided to go on an adventure at midnight one night. He blindfolded me and drove around then parked. Then he tried to kiss me. I didn’t let him and I took off the blindfold and asked what that was. He asked me if I liked him. I told him yes and he said he had thought I did for a while. I asked him what he thought and he said he wasn’t sure. He also apologized for the kiss and I told him it’s ok and I shared some info with him as to why I didn’t kiss him (rather it be in context of relationship ). He told me he was praying and thinking about it but I’m so confused. Why would he try to kiss me if he wasn’t interested?

  • Ariana

    Me and my bestfriend had an apartment togethger last year. At the beginning of the year there was this really hott guy that would dream about meeting. Finally througfh another friend connection we met. He and myself hung out a few times with a group of friends, but never one on one b/c at this point i was with my Ex. We spent time together in a group on several occasions, but never really thought anything into it bc i was unavailbale and i was in love with the man i was with. 8 Months into my relationship i found out i was being cheated on and it had been happening for a while. The “neighbor boy” we can call him was there for the whole thing he had met my ex and they had hung out together. When it was over “we”, meaning my best friend and i would always ask him to hang out. Watch movies have taco tuesdays and wine nights. Sounds lame but he’s the type of guy you can relax and chill with. There was never any pressure to pretend to be something i wasnt around him. At that point i was still in breakup mode and still hadn’t really processed the fact that i was cheated on. The more we hung out though the more attractive he became. Because of my previous situation i had ghis number but my best friend would do most of the texting between us. I didnt want to be pushy and come off as a whore who is just looking for a rebound so i let it go and just waited. He’s a Analytical Chemist, very smart but stil has a personality. He at sometimes comes across as socially awkward with the things he says but i like those little quarks that he has. He’s a nerd and i am into it. Soon after i moved to the city and in fact he helped me move. He spent the whole day with me and my friends moving us into the house. At this point he does not know any of these other girls. After the move i have invited him out personally sending texts and phones calls from myself to him and he has alwasy made it a point to come and go out. The first time we went out after the move, i was just looking to have a good time with my friends and maybe find a guy to talk to it was dependent on my mood later that night. Well i ended up finding a guy who i was just conversating with bc i was new to the area and wanted to low down. While i was talking to this guy.. Neighbor boy told a fellow friend that he didnt know why i was speaking to that kid bc he wasnt good enough for me. This next line makes me sound like a slut but i am really not! so at the end of the night i was wasted and followed this kid to his house. All of my friends and the neighbor boy tried to stop me and followed me… long story short we left the kids house and somehow we ended up holdong hands on the walk home. It was precious i felt like a little girl our fingers were intertwined and it felt so comfortable and right. when we got to my house everything was fine he pulled out his air matress and i selpt in my bed. Everything was fine the next mroning nother out of the ordinary. 2 weeks later i invited him out again he came same thing but this time was acting a little more shy than normal. We were all dressed to the 9’s and taking pictures and having fun. All night at the club/bar he followed me around and basically didnt want me to be alone. which is hard for me bc i am very independent. It was cute though and then i found out that he told a friend that he thinks i am hott. So at this point i am trying not to make it obvious that i was into him and that night i had no where to sleep bc i gave a friend my bed. He told me multiple times i could sleep with him but i was unsure of what the feelings were between us. Same as alwasy the next day was no different. We have been texting on and off but i have been doing the main texting and i am just not sure if i am thinking too much into this or if he may really have feelings for me.
    I should tell you that i come off as a very itimidating independent women. I am picky about what i want. I am 5’11” blonde hair and blue eyes i am looking for a guy who is tall enough for me to wear heels. You wouldnt believe how hard it is for me to find a man. He’s perfect though 6’5″ smart, blonde hair, blue eyes banging body and a great smile. i just feel like i am pulling a typical me and i missed my chance to persue and now he is unsure about hiself towards me so he is going to be extremly quiet about it. Before i have had guys who are really interested through thereselves on me and hes not like that. He doesnt get jelouse at least thats what he tell us. But he obviously didnt like me talkig to other guys. I dont know where to go with this. Could i be looking for a rebound in a guy who i assume has potential but may not. Its a great friendship i dotn wnt to ruin it, but it there is a % chance that we couldl be more i want to explore it. I normally never make the first move unless i am intoxicated and lets be real, all of those are wastes of time. i feel if he is that into me he should come after me. But with my personality he may not know how to approach the situation bc most guys dont. but i can not take th echance of me making the move and ruining thingsd with our relationship bc i am being a stupid emotional girl. I need your help!! tell me what you would do if i were you? and then tell me what you think “neighbor boy ” is thinking and what he should do.

    Thanks for listening to me ramble!!

    Yours very truly,