I Think My BF and My BFF Are Flirting. What Should I Do?

He's all yours . . . or is he?

Hi Heather,

Last year I met an amazing guy and we became friends. Over the next year we grew closer. This past summer he hung out with my best friend and I a few times. Since then, they text and have a Facebook inbox going. This wouldn’t be a big deal except that he and I have now been dating for 4 months and their whole friendship makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to take him away from her but he’s mine! Help 🙁

This is a tricky situation. It sucks to feel like your boyfriend might be flirting with somebody else—especially when that somebody else is your best friend. I know you don’t want to look overly sensitive, or seem like you’re really jealous, but I also know it’s probably been really hard for you to keep this all inside.

When something in your relationship makes you really uncomfortable or stressed, you should say something. I know it can be hard, but good relationships (and friendships!) are based on honesty—not just about what you do or don’t do, but also how you feel.

Here’s the thing: you can’t tell either of them to flat out stop being friends with each other. That’s only going to make them mad and create tension between all three of you. Not exactly what you’re going for. Instead, try talking to each of them separately, when you’re calm and can tell them why you feel the way you do—without pointing fingers or making anybody the villain.

Three can be a crowd...

But try not to stress too much. After all, this is your BFF and your BF we’re talking about here: two people who shouldn’t want to betray you. They might not even realize they’re doing anything to upset you. Give them the benefit of the doubt before you jump to conclusions, but if things really still feel shady, feel free to speak up again in a few weeks.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Does your sweetie have a close relationship with another gURL that makes you uncomfortable? How did you handle it? Discuss in the comments.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Posted in: Dating, Friends, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions
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  • Olivia

    Dear heather,

    My bff has been ignoring me for two days I talked to her yesterday and she acted like it was MY fault! She said she was sorry the first day then she did it the next. She is taking my bffs and barley letting them talk to me and telling them that I’m the one who is wrong. She is making me mad and scared and I FEEL INVISIBLE!
    plz help