more than a hookup
How do guys decide if you’re just a hook up—like a hit it and quit it type—or more than a hookup, like the dating, keeper, bring-to-the parents type?
You’re giving guys too much credit here—we don’t actually usually even think about those things. It’s like this: if a guy is out, only looking for a little something, and he meets you? He’s gonna see you as nothing more than a hookup. That part has nothing to do with who you are, how smart and funny you are, or any of that. If a guy isn’t in the frame of mind for a relationship, you may just always be seen as a hook-up. Not your fault, it’s just how guys work.
That being said, if a guy’s open to a relationship—maybe he’s watched a lot of romantic comedies lately (Shhhh! Yes, some guys watch those, too—you know, we have sisters and moms who like to go to the movies!), and if you make him laugh, share some of his interests, and he thinks you’re cute, there really could be potential for this to turn into more than a hookup. But don’t expect this to turn into the big L overnight. Guys like to test the waters first. Say you’re hooking up, then hanging out for a few hours to talk about TV and that one candy you both love but can’t find anymore, and stupid drama at school, and your embarrassing little brother and on, and on and on? Yeah, that sounds like it has potential, but he’s probably going to want to just date you for a few weeks or months before he commits to calling you his girlfriend.
The real take-home-to-meet-the-parents qualities are hard to identify—and introducing a girl to mom and dad is a super big deal to most guys, so don’t sweat it if he’s not inviting you over right away. But what is it that gets a dude to the point of wanting to? If I may speak for most guys, I think one of the common traits I see in long-term relationships is a good mixture of support and butt-kicking. Guys can be pretty lame and, surprisingly, we know that in the back of our heads. When someone we’re dating puts us in our place, but does that with a ton of love and support, it’s straight-up awesome. Ultimately, there is no one “type” of girl guys tend to fall for most, it’s more a combination of attraction and chemistry and a little magic love dust—but the main thing is confidence. We need a girl who’s confident enough to be honest with us even when we might not like what she’s got to say. When we find it, we know we’ve got way more than a hookup in front of us. In fact, it could be love.
So, was my advice helpful? Have you ever turned a fling into something more than a hookup? Tell me straight-up in the comments and don’t forget that you can drop me a note with your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.