Confession: I Was The Other Woman

The Other Woman

It seems like the only one winning in this situation is the guy!

One night when Amy wasn’t around, I kissed her boyfriend, Carter. Maybe I kissed him a few times.

When a guy’s cheating on his girlfriend with you, her heartache is abstract and distant. Like that tree falling in a forest: if you can’t see the guy’s girlfriend crying, she isn’t really crying. In fact, if you can’t see her crying, maybe she doesn’t even really exist. Right?

Carter was one of my roommates. Amy lived in the apartment directly below us. She was beautiful, uber athletic, and had cheerleader-like perma-pep.

Carter and Amy had been dating for a few months when he and I began emailing at work. First it was about roommate things: dishes, laundry, getting rid of that old couch. Then slowly about making dinner together, what movie to watch that night, meeting for drinks. The emails got funnier and Carter and I got closer.

One day Carter and I went grocery shopping and on our way home we sat on the steps of a church and kissed.

We became addicted to each other’s lips. We kissed on the stairs in our apartment, we kissed in the shower, we kissed on the kitchen counter. We kissed pretty much whenever no one was looking. The rate of emails at work picked up and the emails got sexier. Dinners became candlelit. And all the while, Carter was still finding time to see Amy. I was officially ” the other woman.”

One night Carter and I were fooling around and there was a knock at the door. I opened it with my tousled hair and there was Amy. “Oh, hi,” she said when she saw my flushed face. Then Amy saw Carter at the top of the stairs, looked back at me, said nothing, and left. My heart was pounding with guilt.

The next day Carter broke up with Amy and officially became my boyfriend. It was unceremonious and sad. A few days later Amy emailed me and asked to have lunch. When we met it was raining and the café felt anything but cozy. Amy had no pep to her that day.

“Girls don’t do this to each other,” she said. “We have to stick together.”

I had never been confronted like this before and was really freaked out. Still, I told her she was right, and that I was wrong to not look out for my fellow girl. That I was wrong to only think about me and what I was gaining instead of what someone else was losing.

A few months later, Amy left San Francisco to join up with Teach for America. Carter moved to Boston, and I moved to Los Angeles. Carter and I did the long-distance dating thing for another year and then we broke up.

I’ve never been the other woman again. I’ve been in a forest and heard a tree fall and it makes a very loud, very heart breaking sound. A sound I think I could stand to hear only once.

WDYT? Have you ever been the other woman? Has your honey broken up with you over another gURL? Who do you blame in a situation like this–the “other woman” or the guy? Tell us everything below!

Danielle Lurie is a filmmaker and photographer and lover of Calvin and Hobbes. Do you want to share your confession? Let us know what it is. We might just feature it.




Posted in: Confessions, Your Life
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
  • strawberrykitty

    I kissed my friend who was engaged to his girlfriend a few weeks ago, and I feel so horrible about it. I’m not proud of it and I know it was so wrong in so many ways. I wish I could take it back, I wish it never happened. I try not to beat myself up about it because it was a mistake and I really don’t know why I kissed him. He suggested the idea of making out and I just.. I don’t know where my mind was but stupidly, I kissed him and I really feel bad. I’m not even in love with him or attracted to him. It’s been a long time since I kissed someone, in fact a whole year and I wanted to see if I still knew how to kiss. It was a long kiss, and thank Heaven it was just that one time. Oh, it’s such a bad feeling. I feel horrible! I wish it never happened and I know never to make this mistake again. EVER.

  • Anastasia 17

    I was once the other woman.. And im not proud of it. I was only 16 when my moved away I moved in with my next door neighbors who were or are really good people I think LUST took it to far.. Anyways Before I moved in I would go over to visit him and his wife, also 3 beautiful boys. Anyways sometimes only he would be there and he would ask me to go in and that feeling was just there and we would just hang out and laugh, sometimes hed go over to my place when noone was home and we would just hang. Then when I moved in we told eachother our sex secrets and we grew closer at night when everyone was asleep we would stay up playing games and sometimes watch porn together and say what we liked. Then he showed my his__ and I showed him my boobs. Then he started to play around about us sleeping together.. We would talk in private like on the roof and stuff. The nI couldnt take it anymore I loved his family, His wife was an amazing person and I loved those little boys they were like my brothers.. I moved away and told his wife what happened.

    • Anastasia

      also sometimes he would come int omy room when everyone was asleep and hed ben ontop of me cause we were wrestling and he would jack off and touch me at the sam time.

  • Kayla

    Being the other woman SUCKS: This new kid in my math class, August, was really cute and funny and we texted all the time. He had moved to my town from a big city (we’ll call it Nowhereville). We started to talk cute to each other, and we went to my school’s winter formal together where we made out… A LOT. Then we started sexting all the time and it turned into a big mess. I found out a week after the dance that he had dumped his girlfriend back in Nowhereville two days before the dance, got back with her the next day, and was dating her while we were sexting and kissing and acting like a couple. I wanted to punch him in the balls when I found out. The worst part is that I didn’t even know. I asked what his girlfriend’s name was, found her on Facebook, and sent her a formal apology. She told me that it was okay, that August had always been a HUGE douche bag, and that she had no hard feelings toward me, considering that I had no idea the whole time. August ended up getting into drugs and being an all-around bad person, so I’m glad that I got out when I did.

  • Anonymous

    I was the other woman: I fell in love with Noah & he was my first true love. We had gotten together my freshman year of high school & kept going on and off because of people would comment saying that he was bad for me. We broke up at the end of the year & started talking again throughout the summer. Right when I thought we were gonna get back together, he got with a girl named Sam, who was his first girlfriend EVER. From there on, I started to ignore him, but seeing them happy and all over each other everyday made me upset, so i texted him and told him how I felt. He said he felt the same, but he was with Sam. So one day, he drove by my house and we met up & hung out , and it became a ritual. We would meet up and talk. But then it became something else. We would barely talk, we would find a place to park his vehicle and make out. We would make out for so long that the windows would fog up and you couldnt see anything outside without defrosting them first. Finally, i told him he had to chose & he chose her, but i still wanted him. so the next day i said i was being stupid & that i didnt want to stop seeing him. so we met up & i told him that sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith and jump into the unknown. The same night, he broke up with her. Ever since we have been dating. It has been about a month now & everything is great, although I worry that he will cheat on me too. I feel horrible about this, and only me, him & my best friend know about this.

  • sarah

    I’m the other woman; I was number one and his love of life for three years living together. Recently at the beginning of summer a fall out with our roommates broke us apart, it was tragic and heart breaking it took me several months to overcome a deep depression. Meanwhile the whole time we talked and saw each other through the move back home to our parents and carpooling to work together, having lunch and the occasional hook up and expression of emotions. He met a girl and we stop all communication, they broke up after three weeks and I got the I miss you and love you and think of you everyday phone call, can’t say it wasn’t what I was hoping for, it continued for two weeks or so and he started distancing himself again. I was hurt again but not as badly cause I still wasn’t over the first separation. He started dating another girl and called me again for rides and lunch, dinner or movies. As she got closer to him, we were even closer. The reason why was we had a secret no one knew or can I guess even though I talked to my friends about it and basically everyone began to know except her. I’m still seeing him when he calls and text, I feel lost from thinking I was here first he still must want me and love me if he is seeing me more and the one calling and asking for this. I can stop anytime, but I don’t know if I really want too. It’s all mixed thoughts and signals, he wants his cake and eat it too, and so do I being single and more focused on my new job and work and still see “my man”. I guess I’m wrong to a point, but also this girl doesn’t know me as more than an acquaintance and has said mean tasteless things about me, and I have nothing to say in reply or to want to discourage her because I know what I’m doing will be more of a slap to the face than any sentence I could utter, I’m now jaded towards her and holding on to the man who won’t let me get too far either.