Why You Shouldn’t Fake an Orgasm

Do you fake it when you make it?

Fake it ‘til you make it, babydoll. It’s something we hear a lot. While faking the funk may work for some situations, there’s one place that you should never, ever fake it. The bedroom. I’ve now officially declared it a fake free zone.

So who’s out there faking it and not making it? A recent study shows that a whopping 60% of women fake orgasms. 60%!

Here’s the deal: about 75% of women are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. About 10 to 15% of women have never had an orgasm. So, it seems like a good chunk of us aren’t exactly swinging from chandeliers, if you know what I’m saying. It’s actually normal not to sometimes.

If it’s so normal, then why are 60% of us faking orgasms? Well, there are all kinds of reasons. We fake because we fear we may be taking too long. Or some gURLs don’t want to disappoint their partners and bruise their egos. We fake it because we are scared of the “weird” ways our bodies react or don’t react. And sometimes we pretend because we are not sure whether we’ve had an orgasm or not.

I say, if you’re not really feeling it, then be honest. By faking it, you’re just cheating yourself out of real pleasure.

You see, instead of putting your energy into a big show, you could be spending that time and effort showing your partner what you really like, or finding out on your own. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to say something like, “It would feel amazing if you…” with your partner yet, then he or she may be someone you shouldn’t be having sex with. After all, safe sex is not just about condoms and birth control. Truly safe sex is about feeling safe as well.

Another important thing to remember is that an orgasm is not the be-all, end-all of sex. Just because you’re not feeling the exact same wake-up-the-neighbors-and-never-get-the-security-deposit-on-your-apartment-back experience you’ve seen in some movie doesn’t mean you’re not having great sex. Orgasm or not, if what you and your partner, or just you alone, do is making you feel good, then feel good about it. Orgasm or not.

There are many reasons why you might fake a sexual climax but there is one awesome reason to not fake it – being real in the bedroom, or wherever your boogie is going down, is what makes everything feel so much better.

WDYT? Have you ever faked an orgasm? Would you do it again or are you taking this no more faking pledge? Sound off in the comments.

Lifestyle expert Abiola Abrams is an MTV Made Teen Dating Empowerment Coach and author of the upcoming Official Bombshell Handbook. Find her scrapbooking with pink feathers at AbiolaTV.com.


Posted in: Advice Gurl, Ask an Expert, Discuss, Health, Sex & Relationships, Hooking Up, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex
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  • Kikibongo

    I have always been able to make myself reach orgasm, however there has only been one man that has been able to make me reach that point.
    Whenever I have sex it feels great, I love the sensation and the interaction but I just never seem able or reach climax.
    I have been dating my current boy friend for a few months now and every time he gives me oral or we have sex I fake. And when I say every time I mean EVERY time. So when we are done he feels satisfied with himself and I am left wanting more. But this morning I decided that I wasn’t going to pretend anymore. I wonder how this change is going to make him feel, but I’m just tired of faking and shaking lol.
    I love my boyfriend and I know I am able to orgasm with another guy so this worries me. And my girlfriends tell me I should just find a new man, someone that can satisfy me. But that’s not something I really want to do (even though I think about it).
    To be honest I usually end up rubbing one off after he goes to sleep. I know that faking it is stupid but I didn’t want to hurt him, I would pretend and make him feel good. But this morning I realized after I stopped all the pretense that my pleasure was really all just imagined. I wasn’t only faking with him, but I was faking myself out. So I vowed to stop pretending and then I found this article.

    • Colleen

      I recently just got married and we decided to wait until we were married to make love, I have never been able to reach orgasm through intercourse and my husband was aware of this and it created a lot of pressure for him I think, the sex feels great but I’ve started faking because the first time we made love I did not orgasm and he was left feeling sad even though he is an amazing considerate lover and I didn’t want that to be what it was like after every time, but now I am left unsatisfied and I don’t want to tell him I’ve been faking, I think I just need to do what you did and not fake anymore, we are only cheating ourselves.

  • Nally

    I can never tell if I’m having an orgasm or not. when I have sex with my BF it always feels great and that’s usually enough for me. I don’t need to orgasm to feel relaxed and safe afterwards but I don’t know if I’ve ever actually had one 0_o there are times during sex that I have a weird feeling like I want to pee but I hold back of course I wouldn’t want to piss all over my BF! maybe that was the orgasm? IDK even know!!!

    • Merthur forever

      No when you have an orgasm you’ll know it. That feeling of needing to pee is what (sometimes) happens before you orgasm, but since you held the feeling back, you stopped the orgasm.

  • Ndorha

    Do you think that my former freind with benefits will want to have sex with me?I was freinds with this guy that’s 19 years old and he chased me for almost a year straight. He was really interested in me sexually. I never had sex with him because I told him that I don’t have sex with guys that I’m not in a relationship with. But after 9 months we did end up having a really quick session of oral sex.Now it’s a year and a half later. We’re both in college.I plan on sending him a message on Facebook and asking him if he wants to meet up and have sex.Do you think that he will say yes?

  • A

    I’ve faked, but it’s always better not too. Sometimes I think that I have, but I haven’t. It’s tricky business.

  • md

    I’ve never faked. I’m not even sure how. When I have sex, I get so into it, I’m not even sure what motions I’m doing to look like an orgasm! I’ve been with a lot of different kinds of lovers, and at the end of the day, if he can’t make you cum…no harm, no foul! Don’t LIE about it, moron!
    There are some men that really take a lot of pride in getting you off. If you lie about it, he is feeling good about something that never even happened. That’s not fair. Would you want to be in that position? I don’t think so. Making a woman cum is a very sensitive issue for many men, and I know they are very upset when a woman cums. It’s just mean and careless. if you’re too tired to get off, just admit it and suck him off. It’s not that difficult.
    Honesty will always earn more points than lying, even if you THINK it’s doing him a favor. It’s not. If you are willing to act and play a whole scene of having an orgasm when you aren’t really, who’s to say you aren’t lying about other things in the bedroom? Out of the bedroom? One lie always leads to another. Would you really want him to be questioning things like that? Oh, but if he never knows, it doesn’t matter, right? Chances are, he knows. I know that, at least with my orgasms, my body reacts and shakes and contracts in ways that I could never force them into. And then I get so tired afterwards, I could never fake that! I usually beat off at night just to get to bed.

    • Rafael

      this seems to be the question of the day ejtoaluaicn control exercises can train you to last longer in bed . the male multiple orgasm technique can teach you how to stay hard after orgasm, so you can continue onI’ve from ejaculating within a minute or two, to lasting as long as I want during sex

  • Karen

    I’ve never had an orgasm and I used to pretend, not only to my boyfriend, but to MYSELF I was having one. I finally admitted it to myself it wasn’t happening for me. I was so disappointed and still am cause it makes me feel something is wrong with me. I would really love to experience an orgasm but no matter what I do it just wont work! Stress! However my boyfriend is now aware of my situation.

  • Elicia Hernandez

    I take the pledge. Hope you do too.

  • boo :)

    it took a very long time when I realized that I’m faking my orgasm. Maybe after 6 months of having sex with him. I mean, I’m too innocent about sex. But as time passing by, I felt it more. And he does eat me most of the times.

  • Abigail

    what does it mean if a guy “eats you out?”

    • yummy^.^

      It’s when a guy goes down on you its the equivalent of giving guy oral but for a girl (:

  • Angela

    The only time I ever fake an orgasm is when my partner and I have been having sex for a long time and I am too tired to reach a climax. I don’t like faking it, so now I’ve gotten used to letting my boyfriend know I am too tired to keep going. He always offers to eat me out or finger bang me so I can orgasm too, but there are just some times I don’t feel up to the challenge. I think that’s normal though, I read about a woman in her 30’s who did that her entire life in a magazine. She had the same reasoning as me, so as long as I don’t feel guilty or unsatisfied I don’t think it’s a big deal to fake it once in a blue moon. If it happens every time you have sex then you’re not having sex with the right person! The more you love someone, the better sex feels! 🙂

  • elizabethinluv

    I’ve never had to fake an orgasm, I have one every time I have sex or get fingered or eaten out or somthing so I don’t need to pretend and even if I couldn’t orgasm I wouldn’t pretend, that doesn’t help anything!

  • angela

    I normally never fake cuz I’ve always been shy to make a sound just because..but I’ve done it before mainly because i heard guys like when you moan and stuff and that’s why guys love porn….i also thought it would make my partner happy to know he’s pleasing me……cuz guys like to feel like the accomplished the goal to please you……