Is Having A FWB Ever A Good Idea?

Is hooking up worth it?

Hey Heather,

What is your opinion on friends with benefits? My friend and I are currently trying it but I’m worried about how it might work out.

Friends with benefits can sound like a harmless and really fun idea, but unfortunately, it usually doesn’t end up working out that way. That’s because it’s hard for two people to be hooking up (whether you’re having sex or not) and not grow feelings for each other, even though the movies might tell you otherwise.

A FWB relationship can easily ruin a perfectly good friendship. Even if you go into it thinking you have no emotional attachment, that usually changes once you start kissing, cuddling and maybe even doing more. And since you’re not in a committed relationship, either one of you could technically go out and meet other people. And it is definitely not easy to watch the person you’re hooking up with flirt with other gURLs or guys.

In the end, one person will usually end up having feelings for the other person, and it really hurts if that person doesn’t feel the same way. It can lead to lots of jealousy and fighting. So think about your friendship with this person long and hard — are you willing to risk your friendship to hook up and have a little fun?

If you honestly think you two will be just fine, then go for it. Just make sure you two set guidelines and are open and honest with each other throughout the whole thing.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Do you think FWB ever works out or is it destined to fail?  Give us your advice and discuss below!

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Sex, Sucky Emotions
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12 Comments

  1. avatar Sabrina Heon says:

    I feel like because no guy im inerested in is wanting a relationship rite now just a FWB.. I keep asking myself maybe I should try it but im scared cause im one who falls way to fast and way to hard. But, I have a big heart with so much love to offer, and that what stops me from wanting to FWB because i have more to offer then whats in my pants.. ( I have a love to offer) Maybe FWB will help me or it might not i dont know.. I dont know how to take relationships slow..so im always getting hurt.. Idk does anybody have addvice for me
    ?

    • avatar Jasmine says:

      If you have a lot of love to offer, getting a fwb is definitely dangerous for you, fwb are looking for sex, not love. So at your situation, im pretty sure you would be the one who get hurts!

  2. avatar Muziq_Gurl1314 says:

    I have a bf and my fwb has a gf and he told me he’s in love with me yesterday. We’ve been fwb for about 8 months now. Im afraid he’s gonna get hurt.

  3. avatar Haylee says:

    I am currently involved with a guy who calls me his FWB. We haven’t done anything yet. We talk all the time but its sort of awkward because he is my ex-byoyfriend. I hate seeing him flirt with other girls and makes me an option. I know that we aren’t together but he gets angry when i tell him i’m not sending him naked pictures or having sex with him right away. I am fourteen and i beleive that FWB is a mistake. Either he wants to be with you and call you his or he doesn’t truely want you, he just wants to use you. It sucks being just an option but i don’t want to lose him. So i have learned to live with feeling unhappy and worthless. But no one else should ever have to feel that way! Make smart choices.

  4. avatar Michelle says:

    I started talking to this guy about two months ago, and we instantly connected, and it’s been amazing just being friends, but we both liked eachother, so we’ve started hugging and kissing and I even spent the night at his house. We didn’t have sex, but we talked and made out all night and he tried to stick his hand down my pants four times. He was really apologetic and sweet about everything, and he says he’s crazy about me. Everyone says the girl always gets attached and therefore is the one to get hurt. But I’m more worried about hurting him. I really like him and all, but I don’t want to be in a relationship, and even though we’ve talked about it and we’re nothing official, when you’re making out with someone you tell everything, you’re making a special connection. I’ve started feeling guilty when talking to other boys. We’re like best friends now, and I kind of like kissing him, but still, I don’t feel any passion when I do. I feel like we’re missing something.

  5. avatar J says:

    I have am sleeping with this dude right now and i would call him my fwb. We have never talked about what we are, but neither of us have ever tried to bring it up. weve been doing this for a bit over a month and i think we’re probably on the same page, i see him like once a week and we get it on, go to sleep, and i leave in the morning. s’all. I like it, it works for me, and he seems to like it too!! whenever see him when im out drinking and stuff we spend the whole night together, but its always about sex. It ALWAYS ends in sex, and we often hangout just to have sex and then sleepover. I like it a lot, I like him a lot as a person and hes a really cool guy, but hes a friend who i have sexual feelings towards and that seems to be all!

  6. avatar playful says:

    to me, having a friend with benefits its a way of getting with the friend ur attracted to without having to be committed right away, but hoping that at the end that person falls for u so that then the thing can turn into a relationship…i dont think thats the best way to start a relationship, what started and was based primarily on sex usually doesnt end well

  7. avatar Anonymous says:

    to me, having a friend with benefits its a way of getting with the friend ur attracted to without having to be committed right away, but hoping that at the end that person falls for u so that then the thing can turn into a relationship…i dont think thats the best way to start a relationship, what started and was based primarily on sex usually doesnt end well

  8. avatar Anonymous says:

    I would say never have one i had one and once feeligs come in and trust me they will come somewere along the line u may not know it but with every kiss touch and look it gets harder and harder to brake away from him till finaly it’s almost imposable and u don’t want to because it hurt and it’ll hurt of mounths every time u look at him it feels like u just gave up everything u were so don’t it’s a bad idea and if u think u can handel the pain it puts u threw then u can but just know that he/she will most of the time go out with someone els…..

  9. avatar V. says:

    What’s worse is when there’s no feelings at all, imo. It all seemed really sterile and awkward (for me), while he was just in it for the physical pleasure. It didn’t trump emotions for me though, so we agreed to call it quits.

  10. avatar Kristen says:

    Feelings got involved with me and my FWB, right when I found another guy I was interested in. I ended up choosing the other guy, now we can’t hang out or be friends like we used to be because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with the fact that he used to be my FWB. I have found that having FWBs can be fun while it lasts.. but when you get into a serious relationship, and you are 100% honest about who you’ve slept with, it is really hard to stay friends with that person. My boyfriend doesn’t want him around and I wouldn’t feel comfortable if he brought around a past FWB either.

  11. avatar E. says:

    Once it didn’t work out, and once it did. It didn’t when my best friend from high school led me into thinking that we were heading toward an exclusive relationship (she had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and wanted it to be hush-hush), but she was still fooling around with her ex. The second time, it was great. It was a good summer fling and we had a lot of fun both as friends and friends with benefits.

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