My BF Can’t Keep It Up. Could He Have ED?

This is one thing that can make your dude seriously bummed.

Hey Heather,

My boyfriend and I recently decided to have sex. We got plenty of condoms, had a night at his house all to ourselves. When it was finally time to do the deed, he couldn’t get it in. And then… it went soft. We tried again for the next three nights but every time he would be hard, and the next thing I knew it was soft again and finally I gave up! It was really awkward because this is my first time, but I also find it really funny because he’s been trying to get in my pants for three years now and couldn’t even keep it up! But what do you think, is it erectile dysfunction or something else?

Erectile dysfunction, or ED, is the ongoing inability to get and keep an erection. It’s really common in men — it’s just that you might not realize it, because no guy ever wants to talk about it. However, it’s not so common for it to happen to younger guys, and most cases occur in men over age 50.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t say for sure, but your BF probably isn’t suffering from ED. Getting an erection might seem like it’s really simple, but it’s more than just a physical thing — it’s also psychological. Dudes can have trouble getting it up and/or keeping it up for a lot of different reasons: they’re nervous, they don’t feel well, they’re stressed out about something, etc. Don’t take it personally, because it’s usually not about the gURL.

I think what’s happening here is that your boyfriend is probably feeling a lot of pressure about having sex with you. Whether he’s a virgin or not, if he’s been waiting years to do it, then he’s probably built it up a lot in his mind. He most likely is worried about pleasing you, doing a good job and not messing up. The next time you guys hook up, try to relax him first. Let him know you think he’ll be great no matter what.

If it doesn’t stop happening, then he should go see a doctor. For now, try to keep him calm and take the pressure off. This is proof that guys can get self-conscious too.

WDYT, gURLs? Has this ever happened to a guy you were hooking up with? Do you know a dude with ED? How did you deal with it? Discuss below!

take care,

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Posted in: Being Different, Body & Health, Body Issues, Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Sex, Sucky Emotions
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  • Sp1r1t

    Brits have the longest forplay (and the most sex-related injuries)
    That was kinda random but…whatevs.

  • Stina

    Good foreplay should help, kiss him and touch him, maybe you could penetrate him with your hand to get him exited, tell him he’s sexy and make him feel good and relaxed, you could also be on top so he could see you better and try putting it in yourself.. I hope it works out.