I Feel Like A Burden To My Family

It sucks to feel stuck in the middle of the fighting.

Dear Heather,

I don’t feel at home with my family. My parents are separated but I have always lived with my mom and my step-father and half-sister (even though I consider her my real sister). Lately I feel like I am just a burden to the family. My dad has brought my mom to court. Me and my dad have never really gotten along. When I try to talk to my mom about it, she tells me that there are people in a much worse state than I am and everybody has difficulty growing up, and my problem is just minor.

Also, at home I am miserable. My mom never compliments me or says she is proud of me. The other day I told my mom that I thought I was gaining weight (I don’t really think I am and I have been skinny my whole life) and she told me to stop eating so many sweets. Am I asking too much of my family or should I give them a rest and go live in a group home (as I have been considering)?

I’m sorry you feel so out of place with your family. Divorce and separation are so hard for any teen gURL — but you need to remember that none of this is your fault, and you are not a burden.  Leaving your family and considering going to a group home are definitely not good options. You and your parents might have hit a rough patch, but you need to try to work things out before you think about that.

You need to have a serious conversation with your mom. The stress of the separation, especially going to court with your dad, is probably what’s making her act the way she is. While it’s true that some people might have more serious problems than this, that doesn’t make your emotions any less valid or important.

You need to tell your mom exactly how you feel, and let her know that she’s really hurting you when she ignores you. Tell her her opinion means a lot to you, and you want her to be proud of you. You need to be totally honest with her. If this doesn’t help at all, try talking to a school counselor. As for your dad, you need to talk to him also and let him know you want to work on your relationship with him.

Be patient, because family issues don’t go away quickly. You should never feel like a burden to your parents — they love you, even when it seems like they don’t.

WDYT, gURLs? Are your parents divorced or separated? How do you deal with it? Do you ever feel like a burden to your family? Discuss below!

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Family, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Sucky Emotions
Tags: , ,
  • Abigail Ballance

    So I’ve always been told that i am lucky- and i am- but my family always uses it against me. You see, i live in a pretty average, or maybe above average, family, my mom and dad are married and have 4 kids, and me. We are all within 6 years range so we are very close, but that all makes us hate each other a little more. but that’s not the problem right now.
    So my parents have money, and they send me to a really good, really hard i might add, private school. And for the most of the time , its almost that because i live in this perfect family I have to be perfect. Everything i want is given to me- no problem, But they always have to remind me that i am in the way or “a selfish brat” or i need to be more grateful. And all of this is probably true its just that i don’t ask for any of this. Its given to me and then demanded that i must act how they want.
    A perfect example is my school: I never asked to be put in this top school in the state, but I’m in it anyway, which is fine. But now i have to get all A’s which is where the problem comes in. I have NO control over my life. and there is nothing i can do about it

  • unicron

    My mom said to me that I’m a burden…. it is very upsetting to know that I AM a burden

  • Missfiction

    My mother has three children. My sister- 20 me- 14 And my baby bro – 7. we all have different biological fathers. but my brothers dad became my father and i consider him my real father (since my biological dad didnt give a damn about me). My mom and dad have been together for almost eight years now. THEY HATE EACH OTHER! they arent divorced ……yet. My mom never gets any compassion from my father and all my father gets is critisim. we are tryin to move out of this terrible apartment ! i hate it here! wer trying to move to texas. i never get to go outside im homeschooled and so is my bro my sis is in the airforce and my parents and i have been fighting non stop. sucks to not be wanted eh?

  • lia

    wow i feel that way to cause im kinda depressed and my mom thought i was just being a bitch and she says that if i dont get out of this stupid depressed thing shes goonna kicked me out, im 15 btw. i cant even tell her about female stuff cause she act all understanding then she would go and use it against me in an argument, calling me a whore and that shw wishes some boy would have sex with me and teach me a lesson. am i the only one whos mom does that

    • Cassidy

      Mine does the exact thing girl! Im 14 though.

  • kKrissy Got Llay

    i always feel the same way. and i cry about it. i make up plans so one day i can just run away. i have 2 older brothers and one little sister. i was the third child and i feel like i really dont belongg. they always call my name to do something when im all the way up stairss. then when i have money they want to be on my good side. my dad gets on my freakingg nerves!! and i now that i should be thankfull for having both of my parents together but sometimes i just regret them being togetherr.

  • jaida

    i know what you mean i never feel like im apart off my family like they dont love me my parents are not together

  • Natalie

    Are your parents divorced or separated?
    No but I know they are on the verge on doing so considering my mum has told me she has thought about divorcing my dad.
    How do you deal with it?
    It really surprised me and I don’t know how I’d deal with it if she was to.
    Do you ever feel like a burden to your family?
    Sometimes, I’m the middle child so I’m an easy target. My brothers my mum’s favourite, my sisters my dad’s favourite so I’m left to be the independent one.
    I do sympathize for her though as many of my friends’ parents have separated so even though I haven’t personally experienced it, I know how you feel.

    • Aylanna

      I’m a middle child too. My parents are separated and my step-dad does more for me. My dad is away a lot and so i get to have a lot me time. I go my way and try to drift around the house like a ghost, i am a ghost i disappear easily and i don’t do much but read and sleep. Lately i feel like a burden to my mom cause she does a lot. i try to make my own money with out asking her and cleaning the house when i can. I’m a happy person most of the time but i feel sad on the inside and i try not to show it. I’m waiting for a special guy to see that and tell me that and when he does i will start telling him my burdens so i won’t feel like this anymore.

  • Devan

    Oh yeah, I can totally relate. My parents separated when I was about nine and I find it a little weird that it never affected me, but after living with my mom (and not getting along ever) and then my dad (we never spoke or even at down to watch TV) I ended up living with my grandma simply because my parents never wanted me or my brother. You should try talking it out, don’t make the same mistake I did. Do whatever you can, make them listen!

  • Chase

    I know what you mean when you say you feel out of place at home, because i do, too. Except i live with my step-mom and my dad. Me and my dad are really close but my step-mom hates me! Im moving out but thats only because i need to live with my grandmother who is old and needs help. Moving out isnt the best thing for you to do, but maybe you should talk to your mom about how you feel and if you think she wont listen write her a letter. Thats what it took to get my dad to listen so maybe it could help you. Good luck:)