How Do You Tell Someone You Don’t Have Feelings For Them?

Rejection is never fun, no matter what.

Hi Heather,

I hate to ask this but I need advice on telling someone you don’t like them back and you just don’t see yourself developing feelings for them.

The only thing that is as hard as hearing someone tell you they don’t have feelings for you is having to tell someone you don’t feelings for them. Everyone knows rejection sucks, and no one wants to make someone else feel that way.

I’m not going to lie — this isn’t the most fun conversation you’ll ever have. Try to be as gentle and nice as possible, and just be straight-up with the person. If it’s your friend, explain that while you care about them a lot, you just don’t like them like that. Add that you don’t think it will happen in the future, and be firm about it. Keep the conversation short. Say you never wanted to hurt them, but you think it’s important they know exactly how you feel.

It might seem easier to avoid this kind of situation and just never let the person know, but it’s definitely not the right thing to do. Lying about your feelings, or intentionally not talking about them, is only going to lead the person on — so I’m glad you know that you need to tell the truth. You might feel horrible about it at first, but it’s not your fault that you don’t feel the same way they do. In the end, even if takes a while, that person will appreciate that you were honest.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever had this conversation with someone? How do you reject people? What would you say if you had to tell someone this?Tell me below!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

 


Posted in: Dating, Friends, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Sex
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  • justinaharris

    I believe in giving it a try.i will tell someone if i didn’t feel a connection.and not call him again.

  • Mia Lennox

    I´m going to have to tell a guy that i don´t like him anytime soon now. I´m really afraid to tell him and to hurt him because he´s kind of sentimental and so nice and sweet but for not for me. the problem is that i actually liked him in the beginning and flirted with him, but at some point he got really close and was around all the time without making a move on me. Now i´m just really annoyed by him … and everytime i avoid hi i´m feeling so mean. it´s a terrible feeling

  • portuguesegirl

    this is so weird, i actualy had this conversation today, a few hours ago and it’s a guy that i met one or two months ago and i like talking to him but i think i like someone else and he’s just a good friend for me. i told him that, i like him just for a friend and he asked me if it could change, i don’t know, it all could change in the future :s

  • ViciousV

    I can absolutely try and connect with you, I mean everyone goes through rejection once…sometimes its rejecting someone, and sometimes on the contrary its getting rejected by someone….obviously the latter hurts harder…and we realize how much it must have hurt the person we rejected so coolly, so my one and only advice would be- be nice, and be soft in your reaction to a proposal….he is going to be hurt, but it will just make him a little stronger…I hate to say this, but if you are pretending to be someone else (you know what I mean…for example- Blair from Gossip Girl) then do not act like her and treat him like a mediocre creature because he has feelings, even if you might have a personality like her…set it aside and just say it, and i dont mean- i dont like you…something like i have always thought of you as a friend, and i honestly never thought of you like this..whichever way you choose, just remember, there just might be a time when you would be feeling the same feeling of anger and frustration when someone rejects you…

  • S-E

    I had to go through this conversation once. He didn’t explicitly say he liked me, but he’d ask if I had a boyfriend, what I wanted in life, and so on, so I knew he did. I felt bad since he was really a nice guy and there was nothing wrong with him, but I just didn’t feel “that way.” I asked my mom, and she talked with her fiance about it, and they advised me to say something along the lines of, “I really like hanging out with you, since we’re just friends and we aren’t trying to impress each other or anything.” When I told him that, he looked a bit startled, but he seemed to understand that I was trying to be gentle about it. After that day, he stopped talking to me for the most part, which I was kinda bummed about (since I actually did hope to remain friends). However, we ran into each other by coincidence once after that and he didn’t act as though he was mad at me or anything. Perhaps saying something like that would be easier than saying “I don’t ‘like’ you,” but it’ll still get the message across.

  • liza

    the way i would tell someone that i don’t like them is by gently breaking it down for them saying that i don’t see them as anything more then a friend and that i would really hate to see them leave if it doesn’t work out between us. that i would rather have that person as a friend then not in my life at all.