How Do I Get My Best Friend to Stop Ditching Me?

Dear Heather,

Me and my friend have been best friends since the 7th grade. Now we’re in 11th grade and I thought we’d be over the drama by now, but she’s not her without it. But my main problem is that a few weeks before summer, she had to leave early for vacation and I had no communication with her for a while. When I tried to talk to her, she completely ignored me no matter how many times I tried! I hate the fact that she can drop me whenever she feels like it (as she’s done many times before!) but I can’t drop her out of my life so easily. Help!

I’m sorry your friend is treating you that way. It must be difficult to feel like you’re always there for your friend but she’s not there when you need her. I don’t know why your friend is treating you this way, and really, there is only one person who can give you those answers: your friend.

You need to talk to your BFF and tell her how you’re feeling. Maybe she doesn’t even realize that you’re feeling ignored when you don’t talk for a while, or maybe there’s a reason for her distance. Let her know you care about her and her friendship and want it to work, but that she needs to be more aware of when she disappears without a trace.  And if she has any concerns, listen to them and promise to try and stop your bad habits as well.

But remember that sometimes as you get older, friendships fade, interests change, and gURLS lose touch with the people they were closest to when they were younger. If your friend keeps ditching you even after you talk about it then you should let go of the friendship and focus on finding friends to hang out with who make you happy. Friendships should be effortless. It’s just not worth it if being her friend is stressing you out.

Good luck and take care,

Heather

What do you gURLs think?  Is this a friendship that will last? Or should she move on? Discuss!

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Friends, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice
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  • Chloe

    My best friend has ditched me because she has an
    Australian friend who always comes over for a while every
    Year. This time ts the holidays and talia might be coming to school
    But every time I get ditched and my school is small so nobody else
    Hangs around with me i always feel so lonely I wish she wouldn’t do that
    We have been friends since play group.

  • Mady

    I had the same type of thing happened to me too. Me and my bestfriend has been bestfriends since second grade. We’re now in seventh, and we have been bestfriends since. But this year, she met new people. She was hanging out more and more with them, and I was getting mad that she was forgetting about me. all I can say is the worst thing you can do is ignore them. I did that.. Then I texted her about it and we kind of fought on text. We are no longer bestfriends. It really sucks because I feel like she doesn’t miss me, but I miss her so much. I felt like she just dropped me out of her life and didn’t care. And it confused me because we have been bestfriends since second grade. I’ve always been there for her, so I was really hurt. She wouldn’t respond to my texts, and she didn’t hang out with me, or try to fix our friendship after our fight. I guess it’s just really hard to let your bestfriend go, when you’ve always been bestfriends. But I guess some point in your like you have to let somebody go, and hope they come back. Sometimes people have to fall apart, so they realize how much they need to fall back together.

  • Janice

    My friend ditched me for my ex best friend. My ex best friend has been trying to “snatch” her from me. People in my class have been telling her to ditch me and she told my friend that if she forgave me, btw it was such a minor thing and i said sorry, then the other people would be meaner to me. I cant believe she did that….. After what happened, i dont think i want to be her best friend anymore, but i cant help missing her 🙁 especially if her now best friend aka my ex best friend is sitting next to me and they always go out together. :((((

  • brit

    I have a problem where my best friend has started hanging witht these other girls who are also in my friendship group jbut dont like me as much. She has started going out witht hem and not inviting me and i think thats mean and I would never do anything liike that and i always invite her to stuff!! I dont know what to do please help!!

    • Eden

      Thats what happened to me and i still dont know how to resolve it

  • Stephanie

    Hey Girls,

    I really need some advice here, my best friend and I have been best friends since the beginning of Year 8 and it’s now the second term of our three term school year and one week before our Easter holiday but she’s not making me excited for it because just last Friday we hung out and we didn’t have ‘that’ much fun but today (Monday) she started hanging out with her ex-best friend again and ditching me. She doesn’t even know how I feel and she just left me there. She’s ditched her ex-best friend a lot in the past but ditched me the same. I thought our friendship would last a long time but it didn’t seem so according to her. Nothing happened at all this weekend or at school, I’ve been so nice to her and giving her presents but she doesn’t appreciate it and just runs off with her ex-best friend (which I now think is HER best friend) but even though she tells me that I’m still her best friend, she honestly doesn’t show it.

    Any advice? I really want her back 🙁

    • Ashley

      I had that happen to me recently, as well. The thing is its happened to me twice by 2 different girls. I should tell you that they are not ditching you for life, they just need to meet new friends shake things up a bit. She will always be your friend just give her some leash after you tell her how you feel get to know her friends you should try to make some new ones too. Let her know your not the only one who can move on. And if that doesn’t work you ditch her. BFF’s are really forever just remind yourself that. And remind her. I’m so sorry for what your going through.

  • Kaitie

    Telling her how you feel doesn’t always end out well.
    I have the same problem. And I told her how I felt and she just got mad, and I can’t get the balls to talk to her about why she is mad or why I feel this way. I felt this for a while and I just told her yesterday, but I gave her a letter to try and talk to her about it and she just crumpled it up and threw it away. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been crying all day and she just pretends like she doesn’t know whats wrong with me. Most of my friends tell me if she’s gonna act like that then I shouldn’t be friends with her, but I can’t just drop her like that, she’s practically my whole world. I hope your friendship doesn’t come crashing down like mine is.

  • McKayla

    I have the exact same problem! me and my bff have been friends since 2nd grade and now we are in 8th and i thought we got over it like 4 years ago but it still happens, but not as much. so what i did was i just told her straight up that i hated that she kept doing it to me and that i feel like its ruining our friendship. so we stopped being friends for a little while ( like 2 weeks) and finally she came back and said im sorry for how i had treated you and i wont do it any more. but it still happens, but i think we can fix it.

  • Paige

    Hi! I have seen it happen between my 2 friends. Lets just say one is Ally and the other Madison. Ally wanted to be friends and was a really nice girl. Madison can sometimes bully but really kind when you dont get on her bad side. When she gets mad, she just shoots of things not really meaning it. If i were Ally, i would just find another amazing group to hang with. Why waste your time on someone trying to get away from you? Its like trying to get something but your $5 short…i know it sounds horrible. I had to leave a friend because of a story like this. But she didnt care at all. So i found another amazing group of girls who i know are my friends and will never leave me! so find those girls. One friend that doesnt care wont do much. Just call her, leave a voicemail or talk to her. Say that you dont want to keep trying to be her friend. Say if she wont hang out with you, than you will find someone better than her. Good luck! a true friend will say no! dont leave! your my friend…but you will know if shes kidding or not. Happy friendships!

  • goldiee

    i know how you feel me and my mate are close and we tell eah other eerything and she left school early too but she just stayed at home. she was ignoring me and when i talked to her she said she was busy and had a life.

  • yuri

    i had a friend that was the same a lot of the times that we made plans she wouldnt bother even letting me know she wasnt gonna show while i would go out of my way to help her in bad times she would never be there for me and one day she got me so mad i stop talking to her and didnt look back and im so much happier now with friends that i havent known as long as her (since 6 grade until 11 grade)but have been so much more supportive and she’s made an effort to talk to me again several times.. i think she thought since we’d known each other for so long that she could take me for granted and expect me to stick around