I’m So Confused – What Is The Definition of Hooking Up?

What does hooking up mean to you?

Hi Heather,

What’s the definition of hooking up? I’m not sure because I made out with a guy on my couch and now my friends are saying I hooked up with him. It’s driving me crazy because what we did seems pretty innocent (I’m just 14!). So, is there an official definition of hooking up? And what is it?

Here’s the thing: there is no set definition of hooking up. There are so many different ways of interpreting it that it can be really hard to keep track, so I can understand your confusion. And since people use the phrase ‘hooking up’ to mean many different things, you can decide what you want it to mean and stick to that.

When some people talk about hooking up, they’re talking about going all the way — basically, having intercourse. But not everyone sees it that way, so don’t freak out. Usually, when older people refer to hooking up, they’re talking about sex, but that’s not always true. It could also mean oral sex, kissing and feeling each other up, or just plain ol’ making out.

You should just decide what you want hooking up to mean to you. The next time you tell your friends what you did with a guy, go into specifics (as long as you feel comfortable), and they won’t think you did anything more than you did. As for right now, find out what your friends consider the definition of hooking up to be and then let them know how and if you interpret it differently.

WDYT, gURLs? What’s your definition of hooking up? What do your friends think the definition of hooking up is? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Sex, Sucky Emotions
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  • Ellie

    quick question: is it still considered hooking up when you have begun to date the person? like if i were to be dating a guy, then would every time we made out together be considered hooking up. Lol I’m having an argument with my friends about this right now.

  • Ally

    I think it’s both it depends on what type of hook up you are looking for even sex can be hooking up

  • Tiffany

    I personally think anything before penetration is hooking up.

  • xEmiNae

    I think hooking up is when your feet are not touching the ground and/or you feel aroused by whatever you’re doing 😛 If the whole situation has a clandestine feeling to it, then it’s probably hooking up

  • Maren

    I consider sex “hooking up.”

  • shawna

    i agree anything above like making out, to me, is considered hooking up.

  • Ashley

    I consider hooking up anything OVER making out. I don’t think making out is a big deal, but if it went to oral, hand stimulation etc, then yeah, it’s hooking up.

  • alex

    to me all of the above penetration,oral, hand stimulation, feeling up and making out are all hooking up. its just different extents.

  • afia

    what i consider as hooking up is having actual sex. but at the same time it’s all a matter of opinion and everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

  • Alyssa

    as what was said above, i consider penetration,oral, hand stimulation, feeling up and making out all as “hooking up”. there is just different degrees, and it’s all up to one’s own interpretation.