Should I Change Who I Am To Seem More Mature and Fit In?

One gURL who has definitely never been afraid to stand out.

Hey Heather,

What should I do to seem more grown up and mature, like most of my friends? I mean, the new school year hasn’t started yet and it’s a new middle school, and I’ve already been informed (and done my research) to know that everyone there is more grown up and mature, and buy expensive stuff, and look really, really hot.

I’ve already started trying to seem like those people, but I don’t think it’s working. I’m the kind of person that will sing and dance weirdly in public if that’s the first thing that comes to heart, and when I do that, I just seem like a goofy girl, which I don’t want to be. What are some ways that I can change?

Please, please don’t ever change who you are to try to fit in. I know how stressful it can be to enter a new school. There’s so much pressure to fit into a stereotype, and to be ‘like everyone else’. But in the end doing that is never worth it.

If someone makes you feel like you have to change who you are in order to be friends with them, then that person is not someone you want to call your BFF. As corny as it might sound, true friends will love you for who you are, no matter how “goofy”  or “weird” you think you may be. Also, when you try to make yourself into something you’re not, people can usually tell that you’re being fake, and they’ll lose a lot of respect for you. And guess what? That goofiness is part of what makes you you. Promise.

Most importantly, changing yourself for others will never make you happy, no matter how much it seems like it will. When you have to put up a front and act differently than who youare, it will start to make you miserable. And you should never be miserable just so you can feel like you fit in. Here at gURL, we think being goofy is great. If you want to dance in public, then you should! There is plenty of time to grow up and mature, but right now, you need to be who you are.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever felt the need to change yourself to fit in? Did you ever try to do things differently to fit a stereotype? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Being Different, Friends, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, School, Sucky Emotions, Uncategorized
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4 Comments

  1. avatar Taylor says:

    Stay on the mature side and look good, but don’t become someone you aren’t. If you want to meet new people you have to be willing to hold back from silliness that people may not understand until they get to know you. Be someone that others at your school can relate to, save the goofiness for when you know them a bit better, and know wether or not they appreciate the things you do.

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  3. avatar Floop says:

    I went thought the same problem, I used to hate when I walked into a room. People would stop and see if I’ll do somethign werid, or rise my hand cause i was “funny” Over time, you should just stop caring. Just stop. Once you stop caring, you’ll enjoy life soooooooooooo much better. Why? Causal you’ll be doing stuff that pleases YOU, not stuff that pleases that people around you to “Fit in” :)

  4. avatar Alice says:

    Been there, done that.
    I won’t go into detail, but when I came out of the whole “change yourself” phase when I was 13, I had messed up my confidence and image too much to do anything about it. So I just told myself that everyone is allowed an opinion and that people come and go, but you’re going to be with you forever. Be yourself, because you’re unique and there can never be another one like you! Don’t waste your wonders trying to look like the “it” person of today, and regret it tomorrow!

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