I Cheated On My BF and I Feel Horrible. What Should I Do?

Cheating isn't fair for anyone involved.

Dear Heather,

I’ve been dating my bf for almost two years now. We went to different colleges soon after getting together and ended up breaking up but reunited and have been together again for a year. I love him, but I feel smothered by him sometimes. He relies on me for his happiness, always wants to be around me and doesn’t completely trust me.

This feeling caused me to cheat on him the first time we dated. I was doing really good about being loyal this time until the end of the school year when I started liking this guy I volunteer with and we hooked up a few times. I haven’t told my boyfriend because he it would break his heart.I feel really selfish for cheating and wanting my independence when he is so committed and sweet. I don’t want to destroy him because he is really dependent on me and I know this time if I break up with him, it will be final. He wants to marry me and be with me forever,and I’ve wanted that too, so I feel like this decision decides mine and his future. I know I will regret it if I make the wrong one.

Should I tell him I cheated? How do I know if I will be happy for the rest of my life with him?

Relationships should make both people involved happy, and honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’ve been happy with your boyfriend for a while. It’s never going to be easy to end things with someone you’ve been with for a long time — but it’s also not easy to stay with someone just to make them happy. I know how much you must care about your BF and it’s understandable that you don’t want to hurt him. But in the end, you need to focus on yourself and do what feels right for you.

Cheating is usually a big warning sign that a relationship may need to end. It’s not fair to your boyfriend, yourself, or the boy you cheated with to act like it never happened. If you’ve cheated multiple times, then it’s best for you to break up with him now before you feel the need to do it again. You should be honest with your BF and come clean about what you’ve done. Not only does that show more respect towards him, but it will also make you feel better that you told the truth.

Being alone and single might be a scary thought to you, but it sounds like it’s exactly what you need. Any relationship can be smothering, and it sounds like you need to get to know yourself before you date someone. You’ll never know if he’ll make you happy for the rest of your life, but if you’re not happy now, there’s a good chance you won’t be any time soon.

Keep in mind that you both deserve to be happy, and that this might be really hard right now, but in the end it could be the best thing for the two of you.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever cheated on your sweetie? Were you honest about it? Have you ever felt smothered in a relationship? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Sex, Sucky Emotions
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  • Stephanie

    I just recently cheated on my boyfriend of almost a year, a year on next Friday to be exact. I feel horrible about it because like you, he depends on me for his happiness and wants to be with be forever. But he doesn’t make me happy anymore. I realized this after thinking about how I feel when I am with him vs. how I feel when I am with the guy I am cheating with. If you light up when you think about the guy you cheated with, then you are not happy about the guy you are with. I am not sure I will tell my boyfriend I have cheated but I know I have to resolve this issue before it grows any bigger. remember: getting caught is worse than telling the truth and owning up to a mistake.
    A college sophomore

  • AGurlNamedChaye

    I went to the beach and met my bf a few months ago. We met on his hotel balcony and it seemed perfect at first but the vacation ended and now we live like 5 states away. :/ I was on fb one day and i saw that all of these girls were posting on his wall and he was being really flirty back. It made me wanna cry. But if he just told me the truth in the first place about how many girls he talks to besides me i couldve at least been understanding about it. So this is my advice: Tell him the truth without rubbing it in his face about the people you cheated on him with 🙂 Hope this helps. Just think about it in his perspective 🙂

  • Ashley

    Ive been with my bf for over two years, at the start he was controlling too, but it has calmed down now. The best thing to do would be talk to each other about everything, explain how he is like, and to give you some space. If you feel like you want to be together everything needs to be out in the open, you should tell him that you cheating and explain why, if you dont the guilt will eat you up inside and you cant spend the rest of your life holding it in. It will be hard but it will be for the best, for both of you, he may choose to stay with you, he may not, you have to respect his decision, but just think what if it was the other way around what would you do?

  • Kristi

    I have a boyfriend that i am still with. I have cheated on him and i feel like i did it for the same reason;because he was wanting to be with me every second he could and was smothering me. I told him that i cheated on him with a guy and told him who. The thing is he hated the guy before me and him hooked up. He doesnt trust me as much anymore but he says he still wants to be with me. But now he is wayyy to overprotective;he doesnt want me to even talk to guys! Although most of my friends are guys,but thats off topic. I think i am about to call it quits on this relationship. I really like him but i need some space. I think it would be best to tell him and get out of the relationship.