I Feel Like Boys Don’t Like Me Because They Think I’m Too Fat

Puck loves Lauren's confidence on Glee.

Dear Heather,

I’m 14 years old and I feel like boys don’t look at me, they just look at my fat. I’ve had a crush on only 3 boys and the first one told me that I was too fat to make it in any job. The next one told me I was too fat to date him. The third one just kept staring at me. I want to make a love connection but how can I do that when all everyone keeps looking at is my weight? How can I get them to see me for me?

You should never let anyone make you feel badly about yourself.  If those boys were calling you fat, then consider yourself lucky that they’re not a part of your life. Nobody deserves to be spoken to that way, and no one should ever be made fun of for the way they look. If a guy is making you feel down, then they aren’t worth your time. But you probably already knew that, right?

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make people think a certain way about you, and you should never try to do that — it will only make you unhappy. It may sound corny, but the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with yourself and your body. If you’re happy with your weight and you’re healthy, then it’s great that you don’t feel the need to change for anyone.

It might seem like it’ll never happen, but you have plenty of time to meet a great guy who doesn’t care about your weight. For now, just keep being yourself. Keep your confidence high, because that’s something that people notice and like. It can take some time before we meet the person who is right for us, so just be patient.

WDYT, gURLs? Has a guy or a gURL ever made you feel badly about yourself? Do you ever have problems with your weight when it comes to relationships? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Being Different, Body & Health, Body Issues, Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions
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  • Chyna

    I’m the same way I get this girl’s story. I have tried liking many guys and only one has liked me back but he didnt like me for long. My first love is my bestfriend now my 2nd is an ass hole kinda and my 3rd is the person I think about all the time he melts my heart and is everything I’ve ever wanted problem is that I’m 15 and he’s 17 he’s a junior and I’m a freshman. Im in your situation darling some people try to tell me I’m too ugly or not good enough for him, but all I can say is keep your bestfriends close honey my bestfriends are total butts but when needed the most there is never a moment when they don’t stop the crying. If you can find yourself a guy bestfriend and try not to fall in love with him this sometimes can ruin a friendship if you let it ruin it but if he doesn’t think of you the same try to keep him your bestfriend most likely he will stay. Having a guy bestfriend is like having a boyfriend to me except he knows me better and we don’t do that kissy kissy stuff. But your 14 and I’m 15 all we really have time for is education and a ride along friend. Keep yourself high and let your bestfriends help guide you through life. That one person will come don’t search to hard for him but he will come.

  • Lola

    I like a boy but I’m chubby I don’t know if he likes me he talks to me a lot and people have been saying stuff about me and he doesn’t care I think he likes my BFF but he told me he doesn’t should I believe him and do you think I should go for it

  • Joy

    I have been over wight see i was 10 so guy dont like talking to me but my youger sist that is slim that me more envus, i have a slim guy who is asking me out my friend said him is too small but i love him because him love me the way i am i dont care wat my friend say i will date him

  • shivani

    this is so me.I Have always been a chubby kid,and right now,at 16,I am kinda healthy.I have never had a boyfriend and it even hurts me that guys don’t wanna talk to me.this is so unfair.

  • RebeccaJK

    Oh, gURL. I just really want to take you under my wing because I can relate so much. I’m very large and I have been since middle school. In eighth grade, a guy in some of my classes acted like he liked me and talked about how he wanted to be my boyfriend all the time. By the time I worked up the courage to let him know I felt the same, he started dating another girl and I realized he’d been teasing me the entire time, laughing about it with his friends behind my back. I actually convinced my parents to move so that I could go to another school after that. His childish cruelty has haunted me since. I became hardened to romance. I was scared: I’m still scared. Without even knowing it, I was shutting down advances from guys. I “friend-zoned” myself with every guy I met, not even giving him the chance to feel any other way about me. I actually am an awesome “bro” now. But dating is the only area I let my weight hold me back. I was strangely active and very social. I did well in school and started chasing my dreams. I believed in myself and what I could accomplish, but not that anyone would care about that beyond my appearance.

    Now, I am 21 years old. Over time, I have started to heal from that rejection 8 years ago. I recognized somewhere over the years that I am gorgeous just the way I am. I’ve been able to “put myself out there” more and constantly meet new people. It’s been blowing my mind how often guys really are interested, if given the opportunity. But I was still shooting down advances left and right. I was still guarded. But then this summer, I opened up about my issues in the area with a guy friend I have known since I was 15 and he was 19.

    After that, I didn’t see him again until this weekend. At the end of the night, he told me he’s crazy about me and never could tell me because I intimidated him. I acted like I had no time or interest in romance (Obviously, that is completely untrue.), which I have known about this impression and been trying to fix for a while. He gave me my first kiss Saturday.

    The point to my story is to just wait. Don’t waste your emotions and efforts on boys. This is such a wonderful time in your life and you don’t want stupidity to bring you down from your awesomeness. Really, guys at your age don’t even know what they like yet. I know that isn’t the kind of answer I wanted to hear when I was your age, but I understand now. Just believe in yourself. Know what you are good at. And then go do it. Have fun. Chase your dreams. And in the meantime, recognize that you are beautiful. Don’t worry about what those jerks or any other jerks think. It isn’t a lie when people say confidence is the most attractive attribute to men. Focus on becoming YOU. Know your worth. And don’t you dare change yourself for the sake of others.