My Two Best Friends Are Fighting. Should I Get Involved?

It's not that easy to stay out of it.

Dear Heather,

I don’t know what to do about my two best friends right now. My one bestie keeps talking about my other bestie behind her back to me and our other friends, but she keeps pretending like she still likes her. The girl being talked about thinks that everything is OK. I know that I shouldn’t get involved but I feel that the things that my friend is saying about her are really bad, and so do my other best friends. What should I do? Please help!

Being stuck in the middle of two close friends is never a fun situation. It’s hard to watch  people you care about so much not get along. It’s easy to feel like you have an obligation to get involved with their fight and help them work it out, but sometimes involving a third person can only make things worse — you could end up losing two best friends.

It’s understandable that you want to tell your friend everything that’s being said about her, but know that if you do that, it’s going to start a lot more drama. Instead, you can try to do a little damage control without putting yourself directly in the middle. Talk to your friend who has been saying things behind the other gURL’s back. Tell her that if she’s not going to confront the gURL about their issues, then you don’t want to hear her talk badly about your friend anymore because it makes you uncomfortable. Explain that you really care about them and want to stay close to both of them.

Unless the things being said about her are really mean and hurtful, it’s probably best not to tell your other friend what’s going on right now. Letting her know is only going to hurt her, and could make her angry at you also. If the other gURL stops talking about her, then try to let the situation go, as hard as that might be.

If she doesn’t change her behavior, then maybe it’s time to tell your friend she’s better off without this gURL in her life. If your friend doing the talking gets mad at you for that, you could be better off. If she’s going to treat one person like that, then who knows who else she’s treating the same way?!

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever been stuck in the middle of two friends? Do you have any other advice? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Friends, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Sucky Emotions
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  • Rach.

    I can totally relate my 2 friends gURL 1 & gURL 2 are both talking
    about the other behind the others back to me
    I so feel bad for you but I will use these tips to help me 2
    Thanks & Good Luck

  • Relichia

    I was jus in this last school year. I tryied not to get in the middle of it mainly by jus tellin both of them that I was goin to stay friends with both of them but they could jus not talk to each other. I kno that by next year they’ll b friends again. This isn’t the first time theyev done this. Don’t worry itll all pass.

  • Jessica

    But if my boyfriends fights with my friends…?

  • Lizzy Callaway

    Dear Heather,
    I dont know what to do, my best friends have been fighting a lot in the past year and now its so bad they wont even talk to each other. It started over a boy but now its just a reason for them to start bitching behind the others back and other things like that. I feel like the rope in a tug-of-war because they are both trying to get me onto their side of the fights when i dont even understand what its about anymore.
    What should i do? Please help me!

    • Chynna Hess

      gurl, all you need to do is sit down at lunch with them or something and make them work it out. Trust me it works, my two bfs were fighting and we all just sat down and talk and now we are all friends again. Its like nothing even happened!!!

    • Scarlet Johnson

      I’ve been having almost the exact same problem! Listen, you may feel like getting involved, but they may not want you to. Sometimes, it’s best to have them sort it out themselves. If they really want to be friends, they will put effort into it. If they ask you to join a side, just say you like them equally and you are not on either one’s side. Also, try to have some other friends you can consult with. It never hurts to have someone else who’s neutral in the fight!