How Do You Get Over Your First Love?

Memories...

Hey Heather,

Is it true that your first love will always be a part of you? It’s been years since I last spoke to mine and I still have feelings for him. How do I get over him?

I definitely think that the action of the first time you ever loved someone will always be a part of you, since emotionally connecting with someone on a romantic level is a huge deal — especially the first time. Love makes us vulnerable, and it’s a big step for a person to put themselves out there. But as far as never getting over a particular person, I don’t think they’ll always have to be a part of you.

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Everything takes time. Some people never forget the first person they loved, some people never stop caring about them, some people never get over them, and others can’t even remember who they are. There’s no “right” way to be.

If you really want to get over your first love (or any person in general), keep him out of sight. Not talking to him is a good start, but defriending him on Facebook, unfollowing him on Twitter, taking him out of your phone, etc. will really get him out of your consciousness.

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But honestly, unless he was a total jerk, there’s no reason you need to cut off all contact with your first love. I’m sure that he helped you learn a lot about yourself. Sometimes it’s nice to look back at people who made us feel special, even if it feels silly that it was years ago. As long as you don’t let it control your life now, a sweet memory is one of the nicest things.

WDYT, gURLs? What’s your relationship with your first love? Are you over them? Will you ever be? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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  • Bev

    first love really never dies/..for 30 years of marriage i still longing to see my first love..

  • nana

    i will forever love my first love, we shared the most amazing memories together. i was 18 and he was 23, we were together for 3 years. we left each other but still loved each other. family problems is what led to our breakup just 2 weeks before our scheduled wedding date. i still hurt when i remember him and the memories we share. He’s going to remain forever in my heart. the best thing that ever happened to me was him.

  • Megan

    So about a year ago my best friend who was a guy found out that I liked his little brother (Garrett) who is a little less than a year younger than me. After my best friend didn’t talk to me for two weeks after he found out I finally texted him one day and started fighting with me and now we aren’t friends. A little after me and his little brother started talking he asked me to have sex with him and I said yes because I really liked him and I thought he liked me. After many conversations about having sex he gets a girlfriend and doesn’t tell me for a month about her. Then when I find out his girlfriend starts talking crap n me and is threatening me. After they break up he starts asking me if I will do more stuff with him and I said yes because I’m stupid. About two weeks after he tells me that it was all a lie and was just seeing if I was that type of girl who would do things with any guy. Then today I found out that him and my other “best friend” Sarah made out so I asked them and they said no which turned out to be a complete lie! So I asked my “best friends” brother who is also Garrett’s best friend told me that they did make out and they did it right in front of him. So I really want to know should I just befriend them both and move on even though I think I’m in love with Garrett and I’m pretty much family with Sarah?

  • Tarrin

    They say that love hurts, this is true love does hurt but not for the reasons people seem to think. Its not the rejection not the mistakes made. its the loneliness and facing reality that hurts. And no matter how hard we convince ourselves we are mad not sad it will always be there. Haunting us in the background. Bottling it up is not a way of dealing with it. 

    Sometimes we have to let ourselves be sad, let it hurt whether we want it to or not it’s the only way the pain will go away. And it’s ok to hurt, but if your going to hurt make sure it’s for the right reasons. Just because we might cry doesn’t mean we are weak … It means we were strong enough to let go in the first place. 

    A wise lady once told me that no matter what the reasons are for the hurt, if you truly loved someone you always will. And that’s ok you are meant to love them… No matter what they have done. While it may seem crazy and unjust it is the only way you can come to terms with admitting the truth to yourself.   

    For two years I let a guy have complete power over the way I felt and thought. I loved him even though he hurt me several times. I missed many things in those two years… Opportunities, friends, I found myself unhappy all because of this guy and what he would say and do. It was controlling me. It is hard to go from being  someone’s everything to not meaning a thing to  them, but it is only made hard by the way choose to handle it. 

    Two years it took for me to admit why I was hurt that I didn’t hate him, but intact I loved him. Today I said my goodbyes and moved on. I will always love him and I can’t help that once you give your heart there is no getting it back. 

  • iseedeadpeople

    My first love was never technically my boyfriend. We almost had it, but some things happened and now he’s married. Took me over 3 years to really get over him. It really helps if you delete his phone number, his ID from your instant messenger, etc. It hurts, but life must go on!

  • Kase

    So im 16 and I was in a relationship for 2 and a bit years with a 21yr old. We met when I was 13 and he was 18. As dodgy as that sounds it really wasnt. I was mature and he was a really nice guy. Then when I was 14 I decided to loose my virginity to him. About 4 months later our relationship started getting rocky and we started arguing over god knows what. I couldnt accept the fact that he had had sex with girls before or that he had girl friends. Things have gone down hill ever since. Lies, dodgy messages, but neither of us have cheated. I just dont understand why i was such a jealous person and was so controlling of him. He is my first real relationship and Im so torn up about it.