I Can’t Orgasm

The big moment isn't exactly this big.

Hi Heather,

I really need your help, I can’t orgasm!! I’ve had two sexual partners and have never had an orgasm from either of them. I’ve been in a stable, loving relationship for about a year and half and my partner is really understanding, but I can tell that he is getting frustrated. I feel like there is something wrong with me, because I just can’t do it. I’ve researched it and tried to breathe through it and relax but nothings working!! Please help me.

First things first: There is nothing wrong with you. TV, movies and basically everything you watch, hear and read make having an orgasm look really easy, but unfortunately, it’s just not like that for many people. Most gURLs can’t reach climax from sex alone — often times, gURLs can only “get there” during foreplay or masturbation, and some gURLs can never orgasm, period.

|Having sex issues? You’re so not alone. Connect with other gURLs about your issues in the Boards.|

If you can’t orgasm from just penetration — and again, totally normal, since the g-spot is complicated– try a little extra manual stimulation. Your clitoris, located in your vulva,  has very sensitive nerves that give a gURL a lot of pleasure and lead to climaxing. Next time you’re having sex, either you or your boyfriend should start touching your clitoris.

I highly suggest reading our masturbation guide, and the Fast Facts on orgasms, the clitoris, and the g-spot to learn more about it. The best thing to do is study up explore your vulva and vagina on your own.

|We all know about humping, but how do you actually do it? Heather tells one gURL the details.|

And I know that you really want to orgasm, but sex is about so much more than “finishing.” Focus on how good it makes you feel, how much closer you feel to your boyfriend and all of those happy feelings. If you’re still worried, talking to a gynecologist can definitely help.

What about you, gURLs? Have you ever had trouble having an orgasm? Got any tips of your own? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,


What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Posted in: Being Yourself, Body & Health, Body Image, Body Issues, Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions, Your Life
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  • If not for your writing this topic could be very conovuletd and oblique.

  • Aylanna

    i like to masturbation i can make myself orgasm but when my bf eats me out and fingers me it doesnt happen and i feel sooo embrassed when that happens all i do is get wetter. Wht should i do??????

  • daria

    i have this friend that i’ve known since i was four. last year i started liking him a lot and evryone always asked if we were together cuz we were always by eachother. everyone tells me he likes me but i always doubt it. im not sure if he likes me for sure and i really wanna know…. any ideas?

  • Katrina

    I have the same problem. I’m recently with this one guy and no matter what he does I cant come. Even when he has tried clit stimulation. I’m just dealing with it for now, doing whatever feels good regardless. But an orgasm would be great lol.

  • izzy

    i say try dry humping, it works for me! just don’t worry too much about coming and just focus on what feels good.
    good luck!

  • I gave up on sex. Masturbation is my friend with benefits–I don’t even feel like a loser about it. Besides, I don’t need the drama of “being a slut” or dealing with the people I’d have sex with.

  • tina

    well i suggest you eat bananas before having intercourse i had the same problem and it seemed to help me, another thing that helped was for my partner to scratch my feet before intercourse and it really worked. if all else fails i suggest you fake it 🙂 good luck!