I really need your help, I can’t orgasm!! I’ve had two sexual partners and have never had an orgasm from either of them. I’ve been in a stable, loving relationship for about a year and half and my partner is really understanding, but I can tell that he is getting frustrated. I feel like there is something wrong with me, because I just can’t do it. I’ve researched it and tried to breathe through it and relax but nothings working!! Please help me.
First things first: There is nothing wrong with you.
TV, movies and basically everything you watch, hear and read make having an orgasm look really easy, but unfortunately, it’s just not like that for many people. Most gURLs can’t reach climax from sex alone — often times, gURLs can only “get there” during foreplay or masturbation, and some gURLs can never orgasm, period.
If you can’t orgasm from just penetration — and again, totally normal, since the g-spot is complicated– try a little extra manual stimulation. Your clitoris, located in your vulva, has very sensitive nerves that give a gURL a lot of pleasure and lead to climaxing. Next time you’re having sex, either you or your boyfriend should start touching your clitoris.
I highly suggest reading our masturbation guide, and the Fast Facts on orgasms, the clitoris, and the g-spot to learn more about it. The best thing to do is study up explore your vulva and vagina on your own.
And I know that you really want to orgasm, but sex is about so much more than “finishing.” Focus on how good it makes you feel, how much closer you feel to your boyfriend and all of those happy feelings. If you’re still worried, talking to a gynecologist can definitely help.
What about you, gURLs? Have you ever had trouble having an orgasm? Got any tips of your own? Share your stories and advice below.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.