I Feel Crappy After I Hook Up

Don't do it if you hate it!

Hi Heather,

Sometimes I do really stupid things with guys. Take today for example, I hung out with a guy for the first time and after hooking up for a while I gave him oral sex. I didn’t regret it at the time, but now as I am thinking about it I feel really stupid and I am scared the entire school is going to find out. I’m really scared and don’t understand why I did it. Help me please.

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There’s lots of reasons a gURL might feel scared and ashamed after hooking up. Society sometimes makes gURLs feel bad for being sexual creatures, but exploring your sexuality is an important and healthy part of growing up. As long as you felt comfortable with your actions, there’s no need to regret them. I think the solution to your problem is going to come from self-reflection and looking inside yourself for some answers.

Why do you hook up with these guys in the first place? If it’s because that’s what you want to do and you’re comfortable with being sexual, then that’s fine. But if you always feel dumb and stupid afterwards, then you need to step back and be honest with yourself. If you’re getting with guys because you think it’ll boost your confidence or because you’re trying to impress them, then you’ll never feel happy or satisfied afterward.

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The easiest way to prevent the whole school from finding out is to hook up with guys you know you can trust.  Not only will they keep things private, it also makes for better sexual experiences. And if people do find out, do your best to ignore them. Guys in high school are also known for stretching the truth, and you’ll probably be fine just denying that anything ever happened.

And don’t forget about being safe and smart when hooking up. Always use some form of protection (like a condom) and get yourself tested for STDs and STIs regularly, okay?

What about you, gURLs? Do you ever feel bad after doing something sexual? Why? How do you get over it? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,


What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Posted in: Being Yourself, Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Relationships, Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions, Your Life
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  • Matthieu

    If a girl knows what she’s doing, and also has listened during our conversations so she knows what I like and enjoys pleasing a guy then it’s that feeling of complete and total. Satisfaction

  • Chole

    A week ago, I was feeling pretty tired but went to school feeling pretty happy, and we went on a day excursion. I was fine until one of my friends (a guy) came over and started talking to me, and following me throughout the excursion.
    Now, I’ve had one boyfriend, and he was a doozy. Nothing more than a peck on the cheek, it was way to weird. So that ended quickly. But on the excursion, I noticed my friend (let’s call him Sam) looking at my breasts.
    I blushed a bit, but mostly ignored it, it was only about half an hour later he poked my breast, and I gave a small yelp of surprise. I told him off, but he kept following my and pocking my breast when I least expected. Normally, I would be a bit stronger and tell him to piss off, but on that day I was kind of pleased with the attention I’d never got before.
    Throughout the next half hour, Sam smacked my butt and poked my breast whenever he could. I was annoyed and felt violated, because some people saw and thought I was a dirty slut.
    On the bus back Sam sat next to me, and to my utter surprise, (no one cold really see us properly, the seat opposite the aisle was free ) Sam grabbed my shirt and started to massage my breast.
    I shoved him off. However, since we were moving I was stuck in a seat with him. I didn’t think he would do that, because usually I trusted him and he had never done anything like this before. He kept grabbing my breast, and if I didn’t let him, he would grab my arm really tightly and squeeze until I wrenched his hand off, but then he would grab my breast again.
    Although I was scared, and really didn’t like what was happening, at the same time I knew my body was enjoying this. I felt so wrong, and upset and confused.
    Finally, I threatened to tell someone he was trying to impress and he backtracked, but started to beg for one more ‘ten second touch’ I said no a thousand times, until he grabbed my arm again.
    For some stupid reason, I said yes, so long as he left me along and didn’t ever, EVER touch me again.
    So he grabbed my breast, but to my horror, his hand slid up my thigh and onto my butt.
    I pushed him off, and tried to maintain an air of normality.
    A few minutes later he started a conversation like nothing had happend, but after that’s he felt my leg. I shoved his hand off, and stong,y to,d him to stop, the scary thing was that I had kind of enjoyed his attention, but at the same time. Hated him for it.
    Now I regret ever taking to Sam. I feel so guilty, violated and confused. I know it’s partly my fault, and I regret not slapping him in the face the first time he touched me.
    He also said many things that hurt me, like that he though I was ‘easy’ and that although he was crushing on one girl, he said and I quote “Although I like Jess (name change), I can still lust after other people. Since your boobs grew massive, I’ve always wanted to f*** you.” He then basically said he only wanted me for my breasts and sex.
    I felt like such a stupid person, and I pretty much am.
    As I said, I strongly regret this. How do I get over it? I feel like I liked manat happened, but I still hate it. Sometimes I cry. I feel like a slut.
    I’ve never some anything sexual to any other guy, ever. I get good grades and have been a happy person with a happy life. Now I feel so stupid for loosing control like that.
    I’m only fourteen, and although other girls my age have had sex and stuff like that, I’ve always had good control and told myself to wait until the right guy comes along to do anything like that at all.
    So rambling over, how can I get over this?

  • Jaquilin

    I have been living my life as a complete lie. Everyone thinks I have had sex with like 5 guys, and that I give blowjobs all the time, and that I sell weed. But in reality thats not true. It all started when I told one girl in a photography class during sophomore year that I had had sex. It was really my first sexual experience that was intense, but really all I did was make out with him and sleep with him (as in sleep not sex)….and then lies snowballed form there. There isn’t one person I know who doesn’t think I am slutty. But I’m just a loud girl, who is a great student, and has real potential and hope for a job as a nurse. Just last night, it’s my senior year of high school, I gave my first blow job. There is this guy who I dated in middle school, and he is one of my best friends, and I have been sending him pictures and telling him I would blow him anytime. When in fact I had said that to a lot of guys but always found a way out of it. But this time was different I had no choice it was do it now or really be known as a tease. And it’s not like I didn’t want to do it, just that I was nervous and terrified I would do something wrong. It all turned out fine. But the problem is I happened to see his phone before hand. Because, you see another senior guy who my freshman girlfriend likes was going to be there to but he didn’t show up. So at first we were all sitting on the couch, and my gf and I thought the other guy lied that he wasn’t actually able to come because he was at a event. But then my friend showed me the text and it happened to say that he was going to get some “easy” head from me…I didn’t think about it until now. The guy I have like the most and the longest just thinks I am some easy girl he can use and trash. He didn’t think it was my first time doing what I was doing until I decided I had to tell him, and I did. He was suprized, but I still don’t know how I feel about the situation. Im lost and in love, and feel like I may lose a friend because of some stupid lies that I told! Not some one else, so there is no one to blame but me…

  • Krissy

    My first love and i broke up almost 10 months ago last september. He stopped talking to me and we’ve barely had a conversation since we broke up. I still think about him frequently at least a few times a week. I’ll think about him because i’ll see his family around town or see things that remind me of him. Him and i had something special but he ended up being a jerk and i try to forget about him like heather said. I used to cry every week but now I’ll cry about him every once in a while missing the small things and listening to our songs like ‘Smile’ by uncle cracker or listening to the song ‘Smile’ by telepopmusik, which he would fall asleep to. But the thing is, people say you have to find someone special to get over the previous one. Once you find someone you are really gaga for, you’ll just appreciate that guy as your first love. For now im like you, just wondering when the hell i’ll get over him.

  • Briana

    I understand I’ve been in a simailar situation!

  • tina

    my suggestion is you have to think before you suck! i know at a young age you want to seem ‘cool’ but i must say you really regret these things in the future when people start labeling you a ‘town slut’ boys will only hook up with you because they think your ‘easy’. why not get to know the boy before you take it a step to far hang out with him and get to know him before things get out of hand.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think people give blowjobs to seem cool. Blowjobs are super damn fun. You have the guy completely in your control and you’re giving him ALL this pleasure and it’s awesome.