How Do I Find Good Friends?

Got a Serena and Blair kinda thing going on?

Hey Heather,

I have two great, close friends, but sometimes I wonder if they’re that great. They sometimes leave me out of their conversations and say some not so nice things. For example, I sit right next to them and they make it seem like I’m not there. Sure, sometimes they make me laugh or help me out, but I do wonder… What should I do for me to have two great, close friends without me being hurt?

You’re right, these don’t sound like very great friends at all. While they do sound like fine people to keep around (since they’re there for you sometimes), but I’d definitely suggest you look for a new set of great friends.

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Like I told this gURL, it’s normal to grow out of friendships and healthy to start forming new ones. The easiest way to make new friends is to join a sport or a club you’re actually interested in and start hanging out with people who share your passions. Be yourself, treat others as you’d like to be treated, and you’ll eventually find a friend who you click with really well.

It’ll be hard at first, but having great friends (who actually are great) is worth the energy it takes to find them. Fair-weather friends — people who are only around when it’s convenient for them — can be a good time, but you deserve to have true BFFs, you know?

What about you, gURLs? Do your friends ever make you feel bad? And how do you find good friends? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.


Posted in: Being Yourself, Everything Else, Friends, Friends & Family, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions, Your Life
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  • lilly

    same thing hapened to me! I decided to hang out with some other people and i found my best friend! i know how you feel!

  • Whitney

    Hey girl, I feel you completely. I’m in the same exact situation. I have a few best friends, but I’ve either had them my entire life, or we just don’t really have anyone else. I live in a small town, therefore everyone knows everyone, and it’s pretty hard to find new people to meet. And the dating scene?.. you can forget that here haha. I try to make the best of it, but it gets pretty lonely at times not having new friends to talk to and get to know, and youre “same-ole” friends just being used to you and not being there for you when you really need them.

  • Popci

    I know how you feel, my best friends seem to ignore my existance, like I’m not important enough anymore. But sometimes I just sit down and ask myself, maybe I haven’t been trying to communicate with them as well as I should. Maybe it’s actually me, not making the effort to get involved, and I try to come up with ways that I can be more involved. But, as I seemingly found, it’s not actually yourself and your social skills that’s the problem.
    My advice is before you make a descision actually sit down and talk to these girls about this, sometimes they do it without realising, whether it’s because your the quiet one and they don’t know how to approach a conversation with you (no matter how long you’ve known someone, this can still be difficult if they’re overly quiet), or that they just get so caught up in what’s going on, they automatically expect that you’ve had this sort of conversation before. If they’re such great friends, they’ll listen to you, and try to fix the problem. If not, shift your attention away from them and find some other friends.
    The best way I’ve found to put up with my friends’ ignoring me is finding guy friends who I can talk to. Guys seem to always want you to be involved, and they never seem to purposely cut you out of conversations, (unless of course your they’re wing girl and they’re trying to hook up with someone, sigh, guys T_T). But having a guy friend you can talk to in times like this can make all the difference.
    Good luck sweetie. I’m sure that no matter what you do, you’ll find some great friends that truly deserve you.
    :) .:Popci:. (: