I Want to Dump My BF, but We Have a Son Together

Do what's best for this little guy!

Hi Heather,

I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years. We have an 11-month-old son together, and I’m not happy anymore. He’s cheated on me while I was pregnant and after our son was born. I’m starting to feel like everyone expects us to be together and that I’m trapped. We’re still together but I cant look at him the same anymore. His mom loves me and if I break things off with him I’m afraid she’ll hate me. I also met this guy and we’ve been talking for awhile (nothing serious because that would be wrong) but I’m starting to like him a little bit. I’m totally lost. What should I do?

It’s understandable that you want your son to have his father in his life, and it’s great that you’re making sure that happens. But just because you have a child with someone doesn’t mean you have to date that person, especially if they aren’t treating you well — look at the gURLs of 16 and Pregnant and the fathers of their children. Lots of young mothers don’t stay with their boyfriends and that is perfectly okay. This is your life, and your happiness should be a top priority.

|Do you have a child? Talk all about your baby with other gURLs in the Shout Out Boards.|

Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for your son and yourself — and staying with your boyfriend just because he’s the father doesn’t sound like the healthiest thing for either of you. It’s a good idea to end things while your son is still young, before he sees both of you unhappy and fighting — just ask this gURL! You don’t deserve to be treated the way your boyfriend treats you, and no one has the right to make you feel like you need to be with this guy. This is your life, not theirs, and everyone (even his mom) will eventually accept that you two might not be meant to be together.

Figure out a plan for how he can still stay in his son’s life. It will still be a bit complicated, but you two will need to discuss everything in an open and honest way so that your son can continue to be taken care of. Your boyfriend’s mom can still be a part of your life — she’s family now, after all!

|A gURL asks our resident dude: “Will guys still date me if I have a baby?” See what Henry thinks!|

As for the new guy, I’d suggest giving yourself a little time before you jump into a new relationship. You have so much on your plate and the extra stress may not be worth bringing another person into the equation. If you decide you’re ready, treat it as you would any new relationship: Take things slow and put your happiness first.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you have a child with someone you’re not dating? How do you deal with it? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions, Teen Pregnancy, Your Life
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  • chelisha

    give him his own medicen cheat on heim a see what happens and tell him you knew so all his gult will go also yours

  • Brandy

    I don’t think that you have to be in a relationship because of your sound if he has did you wrong more than twice than kick he butt to the curb and you and your child and you new man move on you will still have a relationship with your boyfriends mother cause that is your child grandmother.

  • I know a lot of people who have kids and are trying to make it work with their significant other because of the child. I also know a lot of single parents.

    The best advice I can give, as a young adult with no children, is to do what makes you happy. It seems that this guy is not making you happy, so I’d say leave him alone. You can be great parents whilst not dating, as Heather says. His relationship with you should not affect his relationship with his son.

    Ultimately, if you are unhappy, it will affect your child. I wouldn’t rush right into a relationship with the other guy, but definitely leave your current “boyfriend” alone. No good guy will cheat on you.

    -Stacy
    boysbeautybeyond.blogspot.com

    • This is way better than a brick & mortar estaiblhmsent.

  • Lola

    To be honestly, you shouldn’t marry him/date him. Like Heather said, the girls on 16 & Pregnant or Teen Mom sometimes get married to the fathers of their babies, but that’s because they feel “pressured” to. Then they spend a lot of money on a wedding but then like two or three months later, their spending a lot of money they don’t have on a divorce. Your boyfriend seems like a dick, and you should just dump him. If he’s not treating you like a million bucks, then you should leave him in the deep. He’s not worth it. Let him be apart of your life as being a father to your son, not being anything more.