I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years. We have an 11-month-old son together, and I’m not happy anymore. He’s cheated on me while I was pregnant and after our son was born. I’m starting to feel like everyone expects us to be together and that I’m trapped. We’re still together but I cant look at him the same anymore. His mom loves me and if I break things off with him I’m afraid she’ll hate me. I also met this guy and we’ve been talking for awhile (nothing serious because that would be wrong) but I’m starting to like him a little bit. I’m totally lost. What should I do?
It’s understandable that you want your son to have his father in his life, and it’s great that you’re making sure that happens. But just because you have a child with someone doesn’t mean you have to date that person, especially if they aren’t treating you well — look at the gURLs of 16 and Pregnant and the fathers of their children. Lots of young mothers don’t stay with their boyfriends and that is perfectly okay. This is your life, and your happiness should be a top priority.
Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for your son and yourself — and staying with your boyfriend just because he’s the father doesn’t sound like the healthiest thing for either of you. It’s a good idea to end things while your son is still young, before he sees both of you unhappy and fighting — just ask this gURL! You don’t deserve to be treated the way your boyfriend treats you, and no one has the right to make you feel like you need to be with this guy. This is your life, not theirs, and everyone (even his mom) will eventually accept that you two might not be meant to be together.
Figure out a plan for how he can still stay in his son’s life. It will still be a bit complicated, but you two will need to discuss everything in an open and honest way so that your son can continue to be taken care of. Your boyfriend’s mom can still be a part of your life — she’s family now, after all!
As for the new guy, I’d suggest giving yourself a little time before you jump into a new relationship. You have so much on your plate and the extra stress may not be worth bringing another person into the equation. If you decide you’re ready, treat it as you would any new relationship: Take things slow and put your happiness first.
WDYT, gURLs? Do you have a child with someone you’re not dating? How do you deal with it? Share your stories and advice below.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at email@example.com.
more ways to get gURLy:
- Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
- Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
- Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
- Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
- Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
- Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
- Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games