I Feel Like I Can’t Trust Guys

This gURL can relate.

Dear Heather,

I am upset, because I would like a relationship, but at the same time, I am extremely afraid of being hurt after hearing my parents continually fighting. I am even more hesitant after hearing about my uncle cheating on my auntie. It seems I do not trust any guy enough to have a relationship with him.

It’s not easy to grow up listening to your parents fight and watching serious relationships fall apart. When you’re surrounded by those negative images, it’s easy to feel like every relationship is doomed. But while it’s normal to be scared of trusting people, it’s important to understand not every relationship is dysfunctional.

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You don’t have to feel like you can’t trust any guy — every person is different. That being said, being able to trust someone is still a big step in every kind of relationship and you should feel free take things slowly. When you meet a guy you like, take your time getting to know him, and be honest and realistic with him about your trust issues once you feel comfortable.

|This gURL caught her dad cheating on her mom — now what should she do? Check out Heather’s advice.|

Keep in mind that trust is never an easy thing. But instead of focusing on the negative, think about all of the other great relationships in your life and learn from those. Were your grandparents in a healthy relationship? A friend’s parents? You’ll come to find that sometimes you might get hurt, but there will be plenty of times when you won’t. It’s a risk, but if you never learn to trust anyone, then you’ll miss out on a lot of really great moments in both relationships and friendships. And, on the bright side, you learn more about yourself when you open up to new experiences, even if they do end poorly.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you have trust issues? How do you let your guard down? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Being Yourself, Beliefs, Cheating, Dating, Friends & Family, Help Me Heather, Help&Advice, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions, Your Life
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  • Olivia

    To be completely honest- I grew up in a world without guys. My dad left when I was too young to remember him. My only uncles were holiday uncles, seeing them only a few times a year if that. My grandpa was the only man in my life and he was stoic and aloof but he’s a really good guy. Except him and my grandma don’t love eachother. The classic stay together for the kids.
    From as young as I can remember its been my mom and I. We had a great relationship and everyone says I was the perfect child. Even through the beginning of my teenage years we didn’t have too many problems. After an incident in fourth grade my fragile self esteem had been shattered. I moved schools and when I started I was a shy introverted girl. But one day a beam of light came in the form of Kyle. He was a rebel without a cause and he helped me more than he ever will know. He began to break down my shell. My young mind was in love with him. Part of me still holds those first love ties. He has drawn away but we are still friends after almost five years.
    We might have developed into a relationship if It hadnt been for my Anthony.
    Anthony… He truly broke me out of my shell. I can trust more because of him. He has a bad reputation though with girls. Too many too soon. Which still brings some trust issues. But then Anthony became more than a friend.
    To this day we are still together. He loves me so much it almost scares me, only because I’m not sure what love really is. I am not sure what love I can give.
    But trust has to be earned. And he proves it every day. Despite my reservations I trust him with my life. Sometimes you have to take a chance. Yes you may get hurt but you might find the guy who truly deserves your trust. Don’t base your life off of past wrongs but rather live for the good in people and to find the people who truly deserve your heart.

  • Sindee

    I am not sure what to think honestly. I know that I grew up with loving parents, but as I got older I found that they were not really very perfect in their relationship, my dad always said negative things to my mom to make her self esteem literally go away, mind you my mom is a beautiful woman inside and out and he destroyed any esteem she may have had. She turned to food and he turned to other women which you may as well pour salt into an open wound everyday and that wound was my mom’s heart. I guess after seeing this I find it hard to trust men. I did trust former boyfriends in the past and of course I was burnt passed recognition. So now that I am married I Love my husband to death but I find that my problem is that I don’t trust him 100% in fear that he will burn me too. He is a pretty straight forward guy finds no reason to lie but, deep in my bruised brain and heart I feel that he may be and that is where the problem lies my trust in him is literally pushing him away from me. How can I over come this he takes good care of me we both live a Great life the only shadow is that I don’t trust him 100% only cause of what I lived thru with my mom and what I went thru in the past with past relationships. HELP!!!! I don’t want to lose my husband cause he is the Best thing that has come into my life and I just never realized that I am pushing him away with my own insecurities. How can I change that to save my marriage its still ticking along but, I know this issue is the bad rain cloud that looms over us and I do WANT it to GO AWAY!!!

  • Rachel TX

    I fully understand how you feel. I was 26 years old when I found out my father, whom I held on such a pedestal, was leading a double life. I was such a “Daddy’s Girl”, in my eyes my father could do no wrong. Turned out he had been unfaithful their entire 30yr marriage. I feel that if he could fool me & my family my ENTIRE LIFE, ANYONE can betray me. I was already with my BF for aprox. 6 months when this happened. We have had a VERY tense relationship every since. Any time he receives a text or phone call, it feels as if my heart hits my stomach. He tries so hard to be supportive, but I feel bad for him. I really love him, and almost try to push him away so he can have a normal life. Don’t know how to overcome these feelings & am VERY open to suggestions! Good luck in your situation.

  • Marisa

    I always feel that I cant trust anyone, especially guys. I think its because my mom always tells me about all of these rape horror stories, which has me reluctant to be in relationships, because I’m scared that they’ll turn out really badly. I want to be in good relationships, but I just dont know what guys to trust.

  • Guenever

    I have this problem as well. I grew up in chicago, so not a great neighborhood. I’ve been sexually assaulted at almost Every school I’ve every been to, which adds up to 5 times, twice which were rape, all of which was perpetrated by men. To top it off, all the guys I have ever dated have cheated on me, and even worse, my last BF said “God’s Will Be Done” when I miscarried his kid. I think that not trusting guys is probably a good thing, given how bad most of them end up treating girls.

  • lexus

    I have lots of trust issues. Most people I put trust in have let me down. I’ve learned to keep things to myself; that way i wont have to worry about if my dirt is let out or if he/she will talk about me behind my back. Besides, what goes on in my life isn’t really anyone else’s BUSINESS.

  • Emma

    you know i have the same problem. i grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father and now i always expect guys to treat me like he treated my mom. i typically break it off after one date because im so scared to start a relationship. i think we all need to remember that not all men are like our fathers and uncles and that there is good in the world! i really hope that you can trust men soon and will pray for you!

  • Magaly

    I have not have this problem but my parents to fight alot i think for all of you, you shouldnt go into a relationship to fast but remember that the perfect guy for you is out there so just keep searching. 😀 <3

  • Kelly

    My parents got divorced when i was in the 5th grade. In 6th grade which was last year they would constantly curse eachother out and have bad fights invovling physical movements. I used to cry all the time.
    I don’t trust any guy either. Im scared for myself

  • Pamela

    I have the same problem my parents had gotten a divorce and i havent be able to trust guys since, but i have been getting better lately