Dear Heather,

My dad is cheating on my mom. It all began when I was in 3rd grade. My dad went to his friend’s house to pick up a power drill and I noticed he left his phone in the car, so I looked through it and I found nude pictures of a woman that was not my mom and the pictures were in my house, in my mom and dad’s room on my mom and dad’s bed! Plus he had a picture of this little girl in his wallet and one day I asked him who it was and he didn’t say anything.

Every year since then I have these days when I have the opportunity to look through my dad’s phone and I find nude pictures of various women. And one time I even saw an app in his phone that shows him porn. This has been going on for 4 years now and only my little sister and two of my best friends know. I kept meaning to tell my mom but I just can’t do it.

I know its bad that I looked through my dad’s phone but I just hate him and I never want him to touch me or talk to me. I need help and advice, please help.

It’s hard to see your parents have trouble with their relationship and it’s not fair that you’re in the middle of it all. And while it’s totally normal to be angry with your dad right now, it isn’t your responsibility to control the situation.

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I know it must feel like you know everything that’s going on, but since you haven’t spoken to either of your parents, you don’t really have all of the facts. Maybe your mom already knows about your dad’s infidelity. Maybe they have an open relationship. And maybe your mom is completely okay with your dad looking at porn. In any case, snooping through your dad’s phone will only lead to more confusion and finding things you don’t want to see.

Instead of trying to figure everything out on your own, ask a trusted adult for help. You can confront your dad or speak with your mom, but I know how uncomfortable that would be, and understand if you can’t. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to someone outside of your immediate family, such as a grandparent or a school counselor. It seems scary, but since they’re older, they can help you better than your sister or your friends can.

|This gURL is mad at everyone about everything all the time. Check out Heather’s advice.|

WDYT, gURLs? Have your parents ever cheated on each other? How did you deal with what happened? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.