My Dad is Cheating on My Mom

snooping sucks... especially for you.

Dear Heather,

My dad is cheating on my mom. It all began when I was in 3rd grade. My dad went to his friend’s house to pick up a power drill and I noticed he left his phone in the car, so I looked through it and I found nude pictures of a woman that was not my mom and the pictures were in my house, in my mom and dad’s room on my mom and dad’s bed! Plus he had a picture of this little girl in his wallet and one day I asked him who it was and he didn’t say anything.

Every year since then I have these days when I have the opportunity to look through my dad’s phone and I find nude pictures of various women. And one time I even saw an app in his phone that shows him porn. This has been going on for 4 years now and only my little sister and two of my best friends know. I kept meaning to tell my mom but I just can’t do it.

I know its bad that I looked through my dad’s phone but I just hate him and I never want him to touch me or talk to me. I need help and advice, please help.

It’s hard to see your parents have trouble with their relationship and it’s not fair that you’re in the middle of it all. And while it’s totally normal to be angry with your dad right now, it isn’t your responsibility to control the situation.

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I know it must feel like you know everything that’s going on, but since you haven’t spoken to either of your parents, you don’t really have all of the facts. Maybe your mom already knows about your dad’s infidelity. Maybe they have an open relationship. And maybe your mom is completely okay with your dad looking at porn. In any case, snooping through your dad’s phone will only lead to more confusion and finding things you don’t want to see.

Instead of trying to figure everything out on your own, ask a trusted adult for help. You can confront your dad or speak with your mom, but I know how uncomfortable that would be, and understand if you can’t. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to someone outside of your immediate family, such as a grandparent or a school counselor. It seems scary, but since they’re older, they can help you better than your sister or your friends can.

|This gURL is mad at everyone about everything all the time. Check out Heather’s advice.|

WDYT, gURLs? Have your parents ever cheated on each other? How did you deal with what happened? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Cheating, Everything Else, Family, Friends & Family, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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7 Comments

  1. avatar Richard says:

    I go home twice a year from college. Summer and Christmas. The last two visits have been on edge for me. I haven’t seen my mother in three days because she is in a town 20 min away relaxing with someone who isn’t my father. I’m 23 and a male …. My dad is the biggest influence and best friend I could ever ask for. However my mom is the strongest most courageous woman I’ve ever met and I still stand here proud that she is mine. I’m afraid … Confused… And hurt. I have five siblings. Very close family. I am open for any and all advisory statements. I don’t want to et involved, but I definitely cannot be a spectator anymore. Plz… Anyone. Jst some advice.

  2. avatar Tina says:

    I found out my dad was cheating on my mom last December and to think he ended it after confrontation still hurts me I actually just found out mins ago that he still talks to this ughhh, I hate her I hate her with everything in my heart! She knows that he’s married too!! I was friends with her children god help me.. I seen the pain my mother went through the first time and I have to say that was soo traumatizing I’d never let him hurt her again. She cried I cried and that was never ending!! This old bag is just an old bag of trash that just needs to takin out cause all of this pain that I’m now having to keep inside of me is just too much! I think about confronting him but what use will that bring he’ll just deny it and tell me it’s a misunderstanding as he did with the first confrontation I actually lost communication with my father for over 3 months as if I was the one who did the wrong.. I don’t know what to do please help me!!

  3. avatar Aayla says:

    I found out that my dad was cheating by stoop through his phone he was talking to this girl about meeting up with her and her responding back with pictures of him and her doing it .i dont know if i shoild tell my dad then mom or know hes hurting her and not do anything. I told my friends but they tell me to tell her but im scated of being hated for it. Injust want my life back to normal.
    PS im 13 and my little sister ( who also knows ) is 10.

  4. avatar Jaret says:

    If it’s true make his life hell… I just found out my dad is today! good luck for my dad :)

  5. avatar zoey says:

    I have the same problem. Please rephrase your advice. It isn’t porn if these are women he knows. It’s not okay.
    My dad internet chats women. I discovered the pictures and conversations. They weren’t even nude pics. They were nice pics of the women with their mothers. I was angry, ashamed and sad. I didn’t believe in love and was scared of marriage. I still am.
    My mom turns out, she knew the whole time.. Never even confronted my dad, was just really passive about it. They both take it out on me by being angry for no reason all the time. I don’t ever want to end up like them. I’m so scared and sad. I just know my mom won’t leave my dad or even the other way around because we immigrated to canada together and there will be no where for either of them to go. They run a business together. What a sad marriage and way of life…

  6. avatar aelx :) says:

    im sorry for what you are going through and i totally understand that it will be awkward but weather its today or twenty years from now it will always be that way. i believe that you should talk about it to your mom but even if you cant at least tell some one who will be able to help. good luck chika!!

    ;)

  7. avatar tiffany says:

    i always believe in confronting the problem that you are having…it will be akward because its an akward situation period but i think you just talk to your father and in the end you will see because if its true or not your dad will most likely express your concerns with your mother and you will see wether your mom knows about or not because if your mom have any suspicions of your dads cheating that will pretty much confirm it for her and if she dont know its something for them to talk about and discuss and bring you in later…just enjoy your life it isnt your fault

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