Is my ex a potential “abuser”? I don’t know if I am just overreacting or if this is dangerous. When my ex and I used to date, it *was* a moral of mine to never give a blowjob. He would always ask me to give him oral and I would always say no, but he would threaten to leave me or something like that. One day he just grabbed my head and pushed it down VERY forcefully until I was within an inch of his dick, and then proceeded to push me down farther. I am a strong girl myself, so I could push back quite a bit, but after 5-10 minutes of resisting, I gave up. I went against my last moral to prevent from being broken up with/being pushed down.
After breaking my last moral and on the verge of crying, he complained that I “didn’t finish” and that “it took me long enough” he then went off to tell his friends that I had finally given in and told me that I need to “work on my head giving skills” and proceeded to tell me that he liked another girl and was only using me for sex. After calling me dumb and fat, he left me to clean up the mess he made and refused to kiss me because “my mouth smelled like dick.”
He was my first boy friend and pretty much destroyed my self-esteem. He didn’t hit me or anything and I don’t have any bruises but I want to know if this counts. We are now broken up on account of him being a total jackass.
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. You are in no way overreacting to this situation
. What your ex-boyfriend did to you was very wrong and definitely is considered abuse in more ways than one. Forcing someone to perform a sexual act — even if you’re dating — is rape. Even if he never hit you, your ex was still emotionally, mentally, and sexually abusive.
I’m really glad to hear that you two are no longer dating. This guy sounds like a total jerk
and isn’t worth another second of your time. However, while you feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself because of this, there is more to you than just your sexuality. Just because you performed oral sex — especially against your will — it doesn’t mean you don’t have any morals left. You sound like a great gURL, and it’s important to realize that this was not your fault. Remember that this situation doesn’t take away from the person you are.
It might make you feel better to talk to someone about this situation. Would you be comfortable telling your parents, a teacher or a therapist? Even though it’s hard, talking about your feelings instead of keeping them inside will help you. Letting an authority figure know could also help to make sure this guy never treats another gURL like this again.
WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever been a victim of abuse?
How did you cope with what happened? Share your stories and advice below.
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