My Boyfriend Wants to Have a Baby, but I’m Not Ready

adorable? yes. for everyone? no.

Hi Heather,

I am a freshman in college and my 22-year-old boyfriend wants me to have a baby NOW! I don’t feel ready but he wont let go of the topic. Help!

If you’re not ready to have a baby, you’re not ready. End of discussion. It’s unfair of your boyfriend to not respect your decision right now, especially when you’re already dealing with the stress of college.  It’s your body and your life, and someone who loves you needs to understand that.

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Tell your boyfriend you aren’t ready to get pregnant and that you aren’t going to change you mind anytime soon. Find out why he wants a baby so badly. It’s possible that he might be worried you two will break up and he thinks having a baby will keep you together (which, by the way, is not a good reason). Or maybe he just feels ready to take that step (also not fair to your life and priorities). Either way, you need to be honest with him and tell him how you feel. 

If he still doesn’t drop it, then I’d consider ending things with him. No one, especially a boyfriend, should put so much pressure on you to do something you don’t want to do. That only shows that he cares more about what he wants than what you want, and that isn’t fair to you.

|This gURL doesn’t know how to tell her BF she isn’t into PDA. Check out Heather’s advice.|

If he’s a good guy, he’ll know you’re worth the wait. If not, congrats: You avoided a potentially awful relationship.

WDYT, gURLs? Has a sweetie ever pressured you to get pregnant? What did you do? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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  • Lolita Saki

    I just recently celebrated my 3 year anniversary with my fiance’. He’s 23 and I’m 21. Recently he has really been considering about having a baby. I want kids with him someday, and to be honest I would love to start now. However, I want a college degree and I feel like our part time jobs will not be able to support our hobbies,school, and etc plus a baby. I want to be smart and make wise decisions for us to have a great marriage. So much so I have pushed back our wedding date til the year I believe I will graduate with my AA degree. I do though greatly enjoy our intimacy and passion for each other. I know he respects my boundaries and hesitations about having a baby so young. Although I wonder is it ok to still be sexually active as much as we are? ( usually 3 times a week max 5) We always use condoms, I like using the spermicidal ones mostly or the normal lubricated ones. I also make sure if there is the slightest chance of sperm on us we use hand sanitizer. (For our hands only) Any advice is welcomed 😀

  • audrey

    Today was a shock for me… My boyfriend of 2 years is telling me he wants to get married and have a baby. I’m okay with marriage but not a baby. I’m only 21 and he’s only 20. Yes we have our own house paid for, but we barely make bills. I’m somewhat unemployed because the job i work can be 1-4 days out of a whole month and it pays only $7.25 an hour! So its hard surviving ourselves, much less now that we have a 3 month puppy. And i’m concerned because if he has problems just looking after a puppy, how can i trust him with a child? I’m also worried because I think there’s a huge reason his family is supporting him. My grandparents of my mother’s side took me and my sister from our mom for money benefits. Think about it. Kids add a $4000 tax refund and you get government benefits. I think that is why him and his family our saying I have to a child THIS year. Plus his family are in critical money issues. I think they just want the child to take it away from me and then use my child like my grandparents did with me. Once I was 18 and my grandparents didn’t have guardianship over me, I was kicked out. I don’t want to have a child and have what happened to me happen to them. I want a child when i’m okay with and feel like its with the right person. Me and him have been fighting a lot and I don’t want to bring a child into that. I’m 21 for heaven’s sake! I like to party and drink, I want to go back to school and work. I can’t do any of that with a child. I made a goal not to have a child til I’m at least 23-25, when it feels right and I think this relationship is going to work out. So far it doesn’t look too good. The other problem is he is really sexual and I’m not. He wants sex like almost everyday and i prefer it once every 3-5 days. I thought about leaving him because it seems like he never listens to my feelings and wishes. I love him a lot, but i’m just so stressed and emotionally drained.

  • true-luv-gurl-96

    Well girl u, me, and a few other girls on here is going through the same thing…… i don’t wanna have a baby either, im to young, and i don’t want a baby while im this young. So if you don’t want a baby, just tell him that you just dont want a baby….. if he tries 2 force you into having sex or having a baby, break up with him, no girl as young as some girl’s such as yourself…. does not need a baby…… you really don’t need to grow up so fast….. live your life, and enjoy it while you can….. and i really hope i helped you and some of the other girls that read this…. : D

  • makayla

    she use protection or the pill until you are ready

  • Lola_butterfly

    hey! I am so sorry to hear that! and i completely agree with heather! it may be hard, which ever way you take it (sorry) but in the end, you will realize that it is the right decision! My boyfriend is doing the same at the moment, but about sex, and i am only 13!! we isn’t a virgin though, and he is willing to wait for me, but every now and again, he says, so you wanna have sex yet? and I just don’t want to say no to him, but I have to. I don’t know how much longer this can go on for, but I hope he realizes that I am standing up for myself, and my pride. I don’t know what to do though, because he was always bouncing from girl to girl, and Since we have been together, he has been with about three girls, but I still somehow love him! and Now I don’t know what to do! any help is appreciated! 🙂 good luck with your decision! 🙂
    Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust <3

    • Lola_butterfly

      sorry, i meant HE isnt a virgin, not WE…. 😛

    • Lauren

      I’m in the same situation girl! All i have to say is do what your heart tells you to do if it hurts or not.

      • cool _chick

        i guess the reason he wants a baby so bad is because he was almost a father before and his GF aborted after they got in a fight !!! :O …

        he sais its ok and that he will wait… but he still talks a bout it A LOT.

    • Siobhan

      Okay, I’m so proud of you for telling him no. At thirteen, you aren’t ready, emotionally or physically for the consequences of sex. No matter how careful you are, there is still the possibility of a child. If you aren’t ready to have a baby, you shouldn’t have sex. And, (at least in the US) at your age, it is illegal for anyone to have sex with you. It’s called statutory rape, and he can face serious legal charges, and if he is under the age of consent of the state you live in as well, YOU could face them as well.
      Stay strong, and don’t give in to peer pressure, or the fear he would leave because you won’t have sex with him. He doesn’t deserve you if he won’t wait for you.