One of my friends, Mat, is dating a girl named Lindsay. They have been dating quite a while now and it is a very unhealthy relationship. She is very controlling.
You see, before they started dating, Mat was best friends with EVERYONE, now, he doesn’t talk to any of us because he is not “allowed” to by his girlfriend. He isn’t allowed to talk, text or even look at any of us. If we try to talk to him, he’ll tell us to leave him alone… but only because he is with Lindsay.
When he is not with Lindsay, he is perfectly fine, laughing and talking with us. We know he is not happy because he told us, but he can’t get out. His parents forced him to be with her and he isn’t allowed to leave her.
We love him a lot and we want him out of this relationship but don’t know how to help. We have tried for so long and can’t think of anything else. It doesn’t help either that I used to date him and I still have feelings for him. I want to tell him but we can NEVER get him alone. He is always with Lindsay. Got any ideas of what we can do? HELP
It’s always hard to see your friend be in a crappy relationship — and it’s even harder when you have feelings for that person. I know you want to be able to help your friend get out of that situation, but unfortunately, that’s a decision he has to make on his own. No matter how much you want to place all of the blame on Lindsay, there are two sides to every story. Unless you know what’s really going on and that Mat is genuinely in pain, you need to be careful about throwing around the word “controlling”. It’s a form of abuse and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Here’s my question for you: What’s up with Mat’s parents forcing him to date someone? Honestly, the situation sounds really sketchy, and that explanation could be a lie. Sometimes people say that they’re in a controlling relationship when they so aren’t. Is it possible that he really likes Lindsay and is just lying to look cool? How well do you know Lindsay?
She might be upset by and jealous of your friendship with Mat — which is understandable, considering he’s sneaking around behind her back and telling you she’s controlling his life — so give her a reason not to be and try to become friendly with her. But if your feelings for him are going to get in the way, then I would just stay out of it.
There are plenty of other guys out there who don’t carry around nearly this much drama. After all of this stuff with you and Mat, it could be nice to switch gears completely. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever lost a friend to their sweetie? Got any ideas that could help? Share your stories and advice below.
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