I Had a Miscarriage and I’m Too Ashamed to Tell Anyone

Hey Heather,

I was almost 2 months pregnant and had a miscarriage. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to keep the baby, but now I feel totally heartbroken and helpless. My parents didn’t know I was pregnant but my friends did. They’re all concerned about me but I haven’t told them I had a miscarriage yet. I’m too scared and ashamed to tell anyone, but it’s eating me up inside. I haven’t even told the father cause I don’t know how he’ll react, but I can’t keep ignoring his calls and texts forever. How do I tell him and my friends I lost the baby?

I’m so sorry for your loss. Even though you didn’t know what you were going to do about this pregnancy, losing a baby is still an extremely hard thing to go through. I can only imagine how sad you must be feeling. However, having a miscarriage is not your fault and you have no need to feel ashamed about it. You might feel alone, but you aren’t. Unfortunately, miscarriages are common — at least 10-25% of women who know they’re pregnant will have one.

|Talk about teen pregnancy, abortion, adoption, miscarriages and more on the Shout Out Boards.|

I know how hard it might be to open up, but talking to the people closest to you can help you mourn your loss. Talk to the people you feel most comfortable with first, like your friends or a school counselor. But if you’re not comfortable talking about it in person, there’s an entire section of the Shout Out Boards for gURLs who have been in your position.

Assuming he knew that you were once pregnant, the father especially needs to know what’s going on. Out of everyone, he is the one person who should truly understand how you feel — after all, he also lost a baby.

And if you feel comfortable, you should definitely talk to your parents, since  they might be able to understand what you’re going through. Although the news may come as a shock to them, ultimately they will only want you to feel better.

|This gURL wants to tell her mom she’s pregnant but doesn’t know how. Heather gives her advice.|

Remember: You are not alone, you did nothing wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you or someone you know ever had a miscarriage? How did you deal? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Being Different, Friends & Family, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions, Teen Pregnancy
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  • Hanna

    I hope the best for you I really do. My boyfriend and I had something like this Happen. I missed a period this July and thought t was because of stress but then when I realized it happened again I didn’t know what to think. It was so bittersweet I was so happy but so sad. All I knew and thought was I was going to have a baby with the love of my life. I didn’t tell him because most of my family has had many early pregnancy loses and I didn’t want to put someone in that kind of pain. I didn’t want to put someone I loved in that kind of pain. Having the miscarriage in September I was anywhere between 6-8weeks. I was heart broken but relived also. I had major depression issues for the next two months ad still am about this even though I thought that I had moved on From it. The thought was constantly in my head about telling because every father has the right to know even if something terrible happened to the baby. I talked to someone I never really had talked to and she told me this same thing that he deserves to know. Make sure you always feel safe when you tell someone something this important because this was a large life event for you and him. If it’s your first you’ll never forget how horrible the pain was and how much this baby meant to you. Make sure to express your emotions during these times because you can’t bottle it up you need to be hear and need someone to listen. Make sure to answer ad listen to the father too because he’ll be just as heart broken as you whether he shows it or not. Keep your head held high ladies we must be strong.

  • christina

    I love reading these. Yes it is very sad, but it helps knowing that I am not alone. I miscarried about 2 months ago, I was 2 months pregnant. And yes I was going to keep my baby. It still hurts every day… Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my angel, however I have come to cope with it. I have come to understand that my baby is in heaven, I know that s/he will b more happy up there than ever could b on earth. I don’t think I will ever get over it, I don’t think I could ever forget. I have also had my fair share of scares, and thought I had a miscarriage. But when it happens trust me you know. U don’t know how, but you know. I knew I was going to miscarry the night b4 it happened. If you truly believe u were pregnant and miscarried who is to tell u different.

  • actresslove101

    Hey, i know how you feel.2 years ago my mother lost a baby at 9 weeks. i was heartboken, i was finally going to have a baby sibling.luckily a year later my mom got pregnant with my sister who is now 10 months old!:) you should’nt be ashamed to tell ur friends,the dad, and especially ur family. they might be mad, but maybe they’ll be there 4 u 2. maybe you’ll get more comfort from them too.

  • Kezia

    I was 2 weeks pregnant when I had my miscarriage. The baby was my exes and we had broken up before I knew that I was pregnant. And when I found out that I was pregnant, he was with my best friend. So I think I had a miscarriage because of all the stress and stuff. Miscarriages are completely normal and it is something that usually always happens to people. You may not have babies any more because of this but it could be something like mine, died via stress.

  • Autumn

    Miscarriages are lonely, no matter what. The only people who get it are us girls who have gone through it. I hope things get better for you.

  • Talaysia

    I too was almost 2 month when i miscarraged and have not gotten over it. Unlike most girls, my friends were no help. Infact, one friend got mad months later and said I was never pregnant and no one wants to have a baby with me. My parents never knew and still dont. The father didnt know for sure that i was so he was not supportive at all. I know how it feels to not feel comfortable opening up to people about this subject.

  • Shannon

    I know how you feel. I went through two miscarriages. I lost my son and my daughter. My parents know about my son but not my daughter and they don’t even mention it. Times I just want to be able to talk to my mom about it but she acts like she doesn’t here me. I didn’t tell them I was pregnant when I lost my daughter because I knew they’d act the same as with my son and pretend it never happen. I wanted to keep them, raise them. I loved them and I miss them with all my heart.

    I’ve learned that it’s okay to cry and grieve. We are mothers. No matter what anybody says, we are moms.

    Telling is gonna be hard but it gets easier. You have that person to talk to and vent when you feel like you’re going crazy. Trust me, it helps to have someone to talk to. It’s been almost a yr since I lost my son and almost 2months since I lost my daughter and let me tell you if I couldn’t talk to a friend atleast about it, I would lose my mind. So if you feel ready to tell someone then tell someone.

    I started my own website for teen parents who have experienced pregnancy/infant loss because I know what its like to feel soo alone and you’re not. Its soo many others out there who have experienced just the same. So if you ever wanna talk, feel free to contact me through the website. Its teenmotherstogether.weebly.com

  • Karen

    I went through a miscarriage too so I know exactly how you feel. I haven’t told anybody but my two best friends. My mom isn’t the type of parent who I can tell. She doesn’t even know I’m sexual active. And the dad moved so we had to break up.

    I cry all the time, I didn’t even want to keep my baby because I was too young but I keep wondering ‘what if’.

    I don’t know if it gets easier, but if you can tell someone, you should. Especially the dad. And your parents too if you can. The more people you tell, the more you’ll feel better.

    You can’t replace it, you’ll never know what would’ve happened, and moreover. you’ll always wonder. We may not have been given the chance to raise our babies, but we are moms.