I’m Dating My Friend’s Brother and She Wants Me to Dump Him

how would you feel?

Dear Heather,

I love my friend! I really do. But… I’m dating her brother and we really like each other. Everything with us is good. There’s just one problem. My friend wants me to dump him but I won’t, and now shes mad at me. I wanna keep dating my boyfriend but what am I supposed to do about my friend? I want to still be friends and I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.

Being stuck between your friend and your boyfriend is always awkward, especially when they’re related. To ease the drama, have a talk with your friend and smooth things out rather than doing something rash, like ending your friendship or breaking up with your BF.

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It might help to look at this from your friend’s perspective — it must be pretty awkward for her.  She probably wants you to dump her brother because she’s worried about how the relationship between you two is going to effect her relationship with both of you. For example, if you have a messy breakup, she’s going to feel like she has to choose a side. You need to try to reassure your friend that you would never bring her into a breakup. She could also be feeling protective of her brother’s feelings; telling her how that you really care about him can make her feel better.

Respect her feelings. Agree to not do any major PDA in front of her, in case that grosses her out… which it probably does, since it’s her brother. Promise her that you’ll set aside time for just you two without her brother being around, because she could be worried that she’s going to lose you to him. Also, agree not to complain about him to her so that she’ll never be in the middle of anything. She might not really want to hear anything about your relationship, period. In that case, talk about him to another friend, not her.

|This gURL’s BFFs are dating and she’s mad about it – Heather gives her advice on how to deal!|

Remember to stay sensitive to your friend’s feelings; this is tough for her, too! Good luck. Let me know what happens.

WDYT she should do, gURLs? Have you ever dated your friend’s sibling? Has a friend ever dated yours? What happened? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Friends, Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • ChooChoo

    Thanks for the advice guys… almost jumped off the deep end

  • QuitaChic

    I have a problem. I started hanging out with my friend’s brother, she said it was ok and as long as I was honest with him and didn’t beat around the bush, she would be ok. After a couple weeks I realized we weren’t meant for each other and I was Straight up with him and broke things off. Now my friend hasn’t talked to me and I just found out its because what happened with me and her brother. I thought things were ok. Why am I getting punished like I really did something wrong. You have to take chances to see where things go. Now I am made out like im some kind of man killer or something. I really cherish friendships and now I feel like there are no real friends out there. If she could just dump me to the curb like that with out talking to me about anything. Im really hurt 🙁

  • anonymout

    right, i understand where all of you are coming from, i get that you cant help liking someone-its not like you chose to on purpose but no one actually considers how their friend/ brother feels about this…no matter what they are not okay about it. even if they say they are – even if they think they are initially…if you really cared about your friend/ brother you should just not make a move at all! its not cool and you are going to ruin everything between you and ‘the one you think you love’ , you and your friend and them and their brother/sister/ friend or whatever…literally if my best friend and brother got together i would be so angry, and im not exaggerating she is pretty much the most important person to me – she is practically my sister but if she got with my brother, i wouldnt want to, but i think i would stop talking to her..i had a dream she did last night and that alone weirded me out to the point that i woke up still feeling upset that it could happen EVEN HYPOTHETICALLY…basically my point is dont do it, you are not a good friend/ sibling if you only think about yourself and go through with it regardless of their feelings. that is all.

  • Heather

    OMG Same thing happening with me, oh & sorry @ChirstineSays that’s really sad. hopefully y’all can patch things up. But My bestfriend have been friends for about 10 years now, we even lived together in college for a year. My 2nd year of school I moved to Texas and her brother, who is totally gorgeous, messaged me & we just started talking, that’s it, not about sex or being in a relationship but actually getting to know one another. I came back home for Thanksgiving break & we continued to talk, but I felt somewhat guilty about it becase her brother insisted we hang out and it would be awkward to hang out with him and i did not tell his sister. well I told her about me talking to her brother and she completely took it extremely personal! She basically called me a bad friend. Sad thing is, we only TALKED through TEXT & Facebook, nothing serious at all. In a way I regret telling her because who knew she felt so strongly about her older brother. I feel like shit because not only will she not talk to me, but I had to break things off with her brother as well, it was a lose-lose. She won’t reply to my text messages or phone calls. I don’t understand what is so wrong about it, we weren’t dating nor hooking up just communicating. Is it that I am not good enough to talk to her brother? Is she afraid she would lose me to him? I don’t know what to do. I miss my best friend.

  • Kaylee

    I very close to my friend and I don’t wanna lose her but I’m dating her brother and when she knew it the first time she hated it so we told her we broke up but really didn’t now were engaged and I gotta tell her I can’t keep keeping this from her

  • Helpmeee

    Ugh I’m going through the same thing. This girls on my team and me and her brother talked for a long time an after like 3 or 4 months of talking he asked me to be his gf. Obviously I said yes and his sister was soooo happy at first but now we’ve been dating for a fewmonths and now he’s telling me she’s saying it’s awkward… And now shes telling other people on the team and theyre all kind of on her side… It’s not like she and I were best friends either just teammate friends. Keep I mind that her brother and me are really in love and idk what I’d do without him. Please help I need advice.

    • Kitty :)

      I’m going through something like that at the moment. I always say friends first, but try to see it from the brothers point of view. I’ve known my friend for a few years now but we’ve only become close in the last 6 months, and in that time her brother and I have also become quite close. Her brother and I went out for a day but I had to break it up with him as I was getting told that it was unfair on his sister. Everything was fine at first but now I realise that he really did want me and he is very upset, now I’m starting to think what do I do. If you want me to be honest, if you and your friend weren’t close, keep your bf, otherwise I’d say friends first 🙂

  • Ken

    i’m barbie’s boyfriend and my sister is TOTALLY not cool with it.she makes gagging noises ALL the time, and once went a whole day without speaking to ANYONE…she was that upset. sometimes i wish i could be more “big brotherly” (if thats how you spell it) but i’m to busy. anyways…e-mail me for questions like barbie said! and why i’m on a girls website…i have no clue either!

  • Barbie

    hey im goin thru th@ exact situation except i didnt lose my bff!!! shes okk with it but she makes some gagging noises:P but at 1 point she kinda got a little dissapointed cuz i was spending so much time with him, like we took it too far and started goin places without her ‘n’stuff, but i apologized and she forgave me, any ways my email is barbie-girl143@hotmail.com, my boyfriends is ken-carson1995@hotmail.com, and my friends is bekki_rg143@hotmail.com, email any of us at any time, i love to hear ppls opinions!!!!!!

  • janai

    well im dating my friends brother and she hooked us up togetha and we are happy but see if you dating you bff brother before you date him ask her if its okaee to be seen or with him if she say no and you really wanna date him you are in a big decison wether to lose a best friend over a boy or to keep your friendship

    • janai

      and don’t get worked up over it cause its no big deal stressing over it

  • Raven

    Wow.All I can say is..well do what heather said xD she’s right you Ned to sensitive with this problem..and don’t beat around the bush lol GOOD LUCK

  • ana

    im so sorry but the best thing to do id tell your friend how much you like him and that you will not change daithing him

  • Christine

    Im going threw the same bs right now too. but unforunatly things have already gone from bad to worse with me. everything is a big ass mess right now and now me and my best friend arent talking because of it. I suggest all in all, plz talk to her about things right away. i put shit off so far now that i think ive pretty much lost my best friend cuz of it….

    • aelx :)

      i am soooo sorry for you. and ya it happens. *sigh* good luck 🙂