My Cousin Hates Me for Ratting Her Out

this can't be your first fight, right?

Hey Heather,
A little while back I got into a lot of trouble with a cousin of mine, who also happens to be my best friend. I had made a lot of decisions I now regret, including trying drugs. She however, did not regret it at all. She was actually continuing her use of marijuana, at school or not, weekday or not. It was always her choice and she didn’t care how it affected anyone else. No one else, according to her, had a right to tell her what choices to make, even though she knew no one else would like them.

I was recently caught by my parents for drinking alcohol and I broke down and told them everything. My mom told my Auntie, who then confronted my cousin. My parents, my grandparents, and my Aunt and Uncle, are extremely disappointed in both of us. Not to mention that now my and cousin/ best friend hates me for telling. I felt awful but she was always lying to her parents and the rest of the family. She put on an act all the time and I was afraid that one day she would be dead or disappear because of her choices, and even though I knew I never said anything. But at the same time I hate that I lost her, and that she’ll probably never be my friend again. I sent her a letter explaining, but I don’t really know how to move on. Because our families are very close and I don’t want to just avoid everyone.

I don’t quite know that I did the right thing, and I could have gone about it another way, but I have a hard time getting on. How am I going to move on? And how do I gain back the trust everyone lost for me?

It’s completely understandable that you were worried about your cousin getting seriously hurt — drinking and doing drugs can be so dangerous. Even though I know you might be regretting your decision now, you did the right thing by telling your family what was going on. When it comes to alcohol and drugs, you never know what the consequences might be. Telling her parents could help protect her from having something bad happen.

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As far as making things better with your cousin, it seems like she just needs some time to  realize that what she was doing wrong and that she needed help. It’s pretty obvious how much you care about her and once she gets over this feeling of betrayal, she should realize that what you did really means you were being a good friend. Writing her a letter explaining everything was a great idea. Now all you can (and should) do is give her time and space to cool down. And since you two are related and will always be in each others’ lives in some way, there’s a great chance that you’ll be friends again soon.

As for your parents, the fact that you were so honest about your actions is the first step towards gaining their trust back. It may take a while for them to forgive your actions, but the most important thing to do is to just keep being honest with them. Let your parents know where you’re going when you go out, tell them details about your day and let them see that you’re trying to be open with them. Also, make sure you have genuinely apologized for what you did, and prove through your actions that you have changed your ways.

|Heather helps a gURL who never spends any time with her dad. What would you tell her?|

Good luck, be patient, and let me know how it goes.

WDYT she should do, gURLs? Have you ever lost your parents’ and your best friend’s  trust? How did you gain it back? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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