My Guy Friend is Getting Creepy. What Should I Do??

someone is clearly not getting the message

Dear Heather,
I’ve been best friends with this guy for 3 years now. Recently when I was going through a tough breakup I said some things I shouldn’t about how I wish guys were more like him. It turns out that he’s been in love with me for these 3 years, but I tried to keep my distance hoping he would get over it. But he didn’t.

He has been steadily getting creepier and creepier. He even walked 5k to see me at work for 10 minutes! At this point, not wanting to lead him on, I let him know that I wasn’t interested but I hoped we could still be friends. Since then he has been pretty passive aggressive and we’ve fought a few times, mostly about my taste in guys, but then he apologizes and I let it go and we go back to our friendship.

But now I can’t take it anymore. I’m on the verge of dating this new guy and my guy friend is getting meaner and meaner. I feel awful for what he’s going through but I can’t blame myself because I don’t feel the same way. What can I do? Should I just cut off all contact with him so that he can get over me?

So far, your actions have been really great. Distancing yourself and directly telling him that you’re not romantically interested in him are two very important steps. He’s clearly not getting/believing the message that you two will never move out of the friend zone, so I think you should follow your gut and cut him off before he gets even creepier.

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I’m also glad that you’re not blaming yourself for your guy friend’s feelings. Some people may think his actions are sweet, but when he’s trekking to see you for a few minutes at work, fighting with you about your taste in men, and trying to control your life, he’s taken things too far and is no longer respecting your personal boundaries. It is not your responsibility to feel bad for him and date him, and while you did make a mistake in telling him that you wished more guys were like him, it’s not your fault that he read that incorrectly and is now creeping you out.

In the future, even if he never talks about being in love with you ever again, don’t talk to him about relationships or involve him in your love life. Find a gURL friend to talk to, or someone who truly has your best interest at heart and not their own.

|Heather helps a gURL who’s afraid her lack of love now will lead to problems in the future. WDYT?|

Good luck, stay strong, and let me know how to goes.

WDYT she should do, gURLs? Has a friend ever fallen for you? What happened? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Friends, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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  • Cody

    I had this yr 10 guy following me around once and he kept coming to my house! But once he said he wanted to come in to my room and have some “fun” and I freaked! I said to him that I didn’t WANT anything from him and he had a skit and threw things and my dad told him he had to leave, now. This made the kid angrier and he got on his bike and rode off, yelling out to “watch my back”. fortunately, he was quiet on the bus in the morning and my friends and I confronted him, saying that I had a boyfriend and that if the guy kept threatening me we would have to get a restraining order! We were only trying to scare him off but then the guy went off and asked all the girls in my grade who I was going out with. There was one girl who liked my bf-bla, bla, bla-and she dobbed him in! So the yr 10 kid tried to fight my bf but my guy isn’t the type to fight with someone saying “the girl is mine so f#%@ off!” My Bf just said calm down mate, can we just talk? Hahaha…. the kid didn’t like the idea much and left.. I still have probs with him now, though!
    Oh well, that’s all about me, so my advice to you is to tell your friend to back off and you can do what you want with your life.
    <3

  • savi

    Hey…it’s really wonderful that u are not feeling guilty, because a friend in school had this unhealthy habit of piling loads of unnecessary guilt on her head….meanwhile love really doesn’t work in a planned way and if u are attracted, u’r attracted- can’t do much abt that!! a real friend gives u plenty of space and understanding, this guy just dosent fit into that category!!
    all the very best 🙂

  • Jennifer

    I had two guy friends who were like that, too.
    One was a grade above me and we’d be friends, joking around, laughing at stupid stuff. His final year of high school (and my junior year), he asked me out and straight out told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I told him I just wanted to be friends. He seemed okay with it in the beginning, but he was persistent and tried getting me to say yes. I tried getting him to understand, but he’d be very upset with me the next day. We stopped being friends.

    My other (ex)friend had told me that he’s liked me since our freshman year. I told him I didn’t like him like that, but it was like “in one ear, out the other”. He became a creeper and would follow me when I’d leave my group of friends. I started ignoring his behavior and we eventually stopped being friends. We act like strangers now, although he still talks about me to my friends.
    Neither respected my feelings about them.
    Distancing myself really helped. I thought leading them on would really make the situations worse.

    Your guy friend IS being rude. Cut him loose if you know you have to.

    Good luck with the new guy!

  • Jessica

    The way I look at it, is that if he really loved you, then he would let you go. Now he’s just being rude because he didn’t get what he wanted…you’re not the one for him and someday he’ll find the right one for him, he just has to believe it…

    Good luck with your new relationship, I hope all goes well<3 🙂