I’ve been best friends with this guy for 3 years now. Recently when I was going through a tough breakup I said some things I shouldn’t about how I wish guys were more like him. It turns out that he’s been in love with me for these 3 years, but I tried to keep my distance hoping he would get over it. But he didn’t.
He has been steadily getting creepier and creepier. He even walked 5k to see me at work for 10 minutes! At this point, not wanting to lead him on, I let him know that I wasn’t interested but I hoped we could still be friends. Since then he has been pretty passive aggressive and we’ve fought a few times, mostly about my taste in guys, but then he apologizes and I let it go and we go back to our friendship.
But now I can’t take it anymore. I’m on the verge of dating this new guy and my guy friend is getting meaner and meaner. I feel awful for what he’s going through but I can’t blame myself because I don’t feel the same way. What can I do? Should I just cut off all contact with him so that he can get over me?
So far, your actions have been really great. Distancing yourself and directly telling him that you’re not romantically interested in him are two very important steps. He’s clearly not getting/believing the message that you two will never move out of the friend zone, so I think you should follow your gut and cut him off before he gets even creepier.
I’m also glad that you’re not blaming yourself for your guy friend’s feelings. Some people may think his actions are sweet, but when he’s trekking to see you for a few minutes at work, fighting with you about your taste in men, and trying to control your life, he’s taken things too far and is no longer respecting your personal boundaries. It is not your responsibility to feel bad for him and date him, and while you did make a mistake in telling him that you wished more guys were like him, it’s not your fault that he read that incorrectly and is now creeping you out.
In the future, even if he never talks about being in love with you ever again, don’t talk to him about relationships or involve him in your love life. Find a gURL friend to talk to, or someone who truly has your best interest at heart and not their own.
Good luck, stay strong, and let me know how to goes.
WDYT she should do, gURLs? Has a friend ever fallen for you? What happened? Share your stories and advice below.
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