Ask Elizabeth: My Boyfriend Cheated On Me, Now What?

should you forgive his mistake?

In honor of her new book Ask Elizabeth, Elizabeth Berkley (aka Jessie Spano from Saved by the Bell!) is here to answer your questions about life, love and more. Check out her advice all week, and look out for your chance to win a copy of her book on Friday, May 6! Now, on to your questions.

Is it ever okay to cheat? My bf did and told me and is really sorry but I don’t know if I can forgive him. How do you get over that?

First of all, I want you to know that it’s not your fault he betrayed you! So many girls I speak to share with me that they start to question themselves when they’ve been cheated on…how they look, dress, even about their bodies. I want to make sure right now that you are being kind to yourself and know that you didn’t do anything to drive him to do that. When someone decides to cheat, it is about their own insecurity—needing to prove something to themselves.

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I don’t think there is anything about cheating that is ok. A relationship has to have a foundation of trust and honesty—in this case with your bf admitting it to you, that is rare and I understand why you are struggling with what to do. You can forgive him for it—holding onto anger and pain only hurts you ultimately. You know that saying You can forgive but you don’t forget?…I think that rings true here. Staying with him in this committed relationship is such a personal decision—is he telling you it won’t happen again? Do you feel respected by him in other aspects of your relationship? Definitely check out my book “Ask Elizabeth” so you can see the section about how to know if you are in the right relationship…I think it may be a good time for you to do a little detective work within your own heart to see if he shows up as the guy you deserve. Let me know what you decide to do—k?

-elizabeth

What do you think of Elizabeth’s advice? Have you ever been cheated on? What happened? Discuss below.

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Posted in: Cheating, Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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  • andreaaa

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and were serious enough to accept the challenge of being long distance while I study across the country. A couple nights ago our friend hosted a hotel party for her birthday. I obviously could not attend, but my boyfriend did, along with a couple of my other good friends. Usually, my boyfriend can hold down his booze but from the text messages I concluded he was just slightly more than tipsy.
    The next morning he confesses to me that he “felt up” one of my best friends. She (and a couple other people at the party) says he was sober enough to know what was happening and even asked to make out with her. Due to the fact that she was a little drunk as well she claims she couldnt move. Nothing of sorts happened (they didn’t have sex), but he did feel her breasts.
    He has no history of cheating, and he is also my first boyfriend. He’s been faithful and committed the moment we met, but now my friends say that his true colours are disgusting and that i should drop him. He and I haven’t spoken in days and i know he feels more than guilty yet he hasnt attempted anything to try and make it better between us. I can’t look at my best friend the same way, and she constantly reminds me that “it wasnt her fault” and that i shouldnt be blaming her at all. what was running through his head? what can i do? please help..

  • Confused

    Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years he just told me he got a’happy ending’ acouple of months into the relationship…I don’t know what to do is it ok cuz we only knew each other for a few months and its been 5 years!

  • niki

    i dnt knw what to do i cnt forgive n cnt forget him too its been sth 1 month of brkup at begining he use to meg n call me n say sry bt nw neither he is meg me nor calling just his frns use to tell me that its nt his fault . i want to talk wid him bt i feel akward to call or meg his first i want him to call me plz give me some sugestion wat should i do

  • Taylor

    I knew this guy since I was born. He was my best friend and we knew everything about each other. And one night, a few years ago, we had sex. It was amazing and in the morning I was confused. He then asked me if I wanted to move friendship to realationship and told me he wanted to. After three years of dating, I caught him cheating on me with another girl. I was hearbroken, but we ended up getting back together. A few months later, I forgave him. I thought i could trust him. But in May he started to basically ignore me. After a couple weeks of torture and wondering if there was something wrong with me, he told me he had cheated on me once again. I broke up with him and was working on getting over him. But it’s hard when you know a person forever. Lately he was texting me and telling me he wants to get back together. I don’t want to be cheated on again, I’m not sure if I trust him, I’m not sure if he just wants one more night, and I’m not sure if he just wants to go back to friends but doesn’t wan to say the “i just want to be friends” line.

  • Kate

    When my bf….well now ex, cheated on me i took him back, but i noticed that everything got worse. It gets hard to trust them after that. And somtimes they think they can get away with anything after you take them back! And when he says hes sorry it usally means hes sorry he got cought. Its hard to get over even if you stay with him or if you dont. I do not think cheating is okay no matter what the situation.

  • Lost in Past Feelings

    My boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me. We met in high school and knew each other for three years and at first he didn’t like me at all as a potential girlfriend. So it took me a year to get him to change his mind about me. Then I thought I had succeeded and that it was going to be a walk in the park for the years to come. But when we entered different colleges we started living together. And he cheated on me by liking another girl and ignoring me when I was busy focused on my academic life he was focused on his personal life. He didn’t tell me that he liked her but he certainly told his friend. So I found out because I overheard him when I followed him because he went to another room to talk on his cell phone. (He’s stupid because I helped him a lot with his work in high school and in college I was like an unpaid tutor) He didn’t think he would get caught if he started acting suspicious, urgh I hate him so much right now. Because now months later I found the girl and I am asking her vague questions because I don’t know if she liked him back at all or if he was just trying to get with her but never did. I feel angry and sad that he did this to me. He says he loves me and he says he only had a crush on her but he never told me I had to find out for myself. He says it won’t happen again but hasn’t answered what was so special about her that she could wipe out our two year history. I am left confused about how I feel about him. He was my first and only boyfriend, and I was his first and only girlfriend up till now. I don’t know what he is lying about because he lied to me about how they met many times till I asked him many times throughout a month the same questions I noticed his story would change. Now I don’t know what I should ask the other girl. Because I have found her.

  • Loofybley

    I understand what you mean. I do it for fun all the time but I feel bad about it sometimes after it
    But when I flirt w other guys other than my bf their usually my really close guy friends and they know i have a bf thats just the way i am playful and flirty but I dont touch other guys just my bf 🙂

  • Sequoia

    I cheated on my boyfriend, I was drunk and it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I’ll never do it again. I have given up drinking and I know that it was just because I was too weak to make the guy stop. If he seems genuine then maybe you should think about forgiving him.

  • TAiiHunz

    Noo because he won’t mean it then he will do it again