I’m 14 years old and overall, I have a pretty good life. I’m currently being home schooled and will go to an excellent charter high school next year. I took the SAT early and got high scores. I’m an aspiring author and, having completed my first novel, am looking into publication.
However, I have some huge problems. I’m lonely and have no good friends. I was bullied when I attended public school. My mother is hugely demanding and not understanding at all. And since I was 12 years old, I’ve been having recurring thoughts of suicide. I’ve cut myself several times and twice came perilously close to hanging myself.
I’ve tried talking to my mother about this, but I can’t work up the courage to get it out. I’m afraid she’ll be angry with me and think I’m ungrateful for all she’s done (trust me — this has happened before). My parents almost never leave me alone, so I have no opportunity to call one of those anonymous hot-lines. I’m even writing this email while my mother is in the shower so she won’t find out! What should I do?
I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. I do usually tell gURLs to call the Hopeline at 1-800-SUICIDE, open up to their parents about it, or talk to someone at school — but in your situation, it doesn’t seem like any of these are options. The good news is, there are still plenty of resources out there for you.
First of all, know that you are not alone in your feelings. Lots of gURLs have thoughts of suicide, and there are so many people you can talk to on this site who are here to support you. There’s a board for Cutting & Self-Mutilation Recovery, one for Depression Support, and one for Suicide Support. You can get the Fast Facts on Self-Mutilation, Depression, and Suicide. There are lots of articles about how to deal with cutting and bullying. gURLs have previously suggested The Butterfly Project, which I think sounds like a fantastic way to heal yourself.
Writing can also be therapeutic. Do you have a journal where you can vent? Would writing stories about your experiences make you feel better? And is there a writing workshop you can participate in? What about sports teams, clubs, or youth groups? Even if you aren’t necessarily interested in the activities these groups have, getting out of your house and away from the stress your parents put on you can make you feel way better. It’s also likely that you’ll make friends who you can talk to about what you’re going through.
I really hope you feel better and focus on the positives in your life. You have so much going for you! If none of these options work for you, it might be best to tell your mom that you’re thinking about killing yourself. It will be tough, yes, but NOTHING is as important as your own life.
What do you think she should do, gURLs? How were you able to recover from feeling suicidal? Can you recommend any sites and books to her? Share your stories and advice below.
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