I’m Considering Suicide… and My Parents Are So Strict, I Can’t Even Talk to Anyone About It

it may feel like you're all alone, but you definitely aren't.

Hi Heather,
I’m 14 years old and overall, I have a pretty good life. I’m currently being home schooled and will go to an excellent charter high school next year. I took the SAT early and got high scores. I’m an aspiring author and, having completed my first novel, am looking into publication.

However, I have some huge problems. I’m lonely and have no good friends. I was bullied when I attended public school. My mother is hugely demanding and not understanding at all. And since I was 12 years old, I’ve been having recurring thoughts of suicide. I’ve cut myself several times and twice came perilously close to hanging myself.

I’ve tried talking to my mother about this, but I can’t work up the courage to get it out. I’m afraid she’ll be angry with me and think I’m ungrateful for all she’s done (trust me — this has happened before). My parents almost never leave me alone, so I have no opportunity to call one of those anonymous hot-lines. I’m even writing this email while my mother is in the shower so she won’t find out! What should I do?

I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. I do usually tell gURLs to call the Hopeline at 1-800-SUICIDE, open up to their parents about it, or talk to someone at school — but in your situation, it doesn’t seem like any of these are options. The good news is, there are still plenty of resources out there for you.

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First of all, know that you are not alone in your feelings. Lots of gURLs have thoughts of suicide, and there are so many people you can talk to on this site who are here to support you. There’s a board for Cutting & Self-Mutilation Recovery, one for Depression Support, and one for Suicide Support. You can get the Fast Facts on Self-Mutilation, Depression, and Suicide. There are lots of articles about how to deal with cutting and bullying. gURLs have previously suggested The Butterfly Project, which I think sounds like a fantastic way to heal yourself.

Writing can also be therapeutic. Do you have a journal where you can vent? Would writing stories about your experiences make you feel better? And is there a writing workshop you can participate in? What about sports teams, clubs, or youth groups?  Even if you aren’t necessarily interested in the activities these groups have, getting out of your house and away from the stress your parents put on you can make you feel way better. It’s also likely that you’ll make friends who you can talk to about what you’re going through.

|Afraid your mom will find out you’re cutting? It happened to this gURL, and it might have saved her life.|

I really hope you feel better and focus on the positives in your life. You have so much going for you! If none of these options work for you, it might be best to tell your mom that you’re thinking about killing yourself. It will be tough, yes, but NOTHING is as important as your own life.

What do you think she should do, gURLs? How were you able to recover from feeling suicidal? Can you recommend any sites and books to her? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Being Different, Family, Friends, Help Me Heather, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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27 Comments

  1. avatar Ali says:

    i’ve considerd killing my self becuz i have lost so many people in my life and i feel like a burden 4 every one who hangs out with me and i started smoking at the age of 14 2 mounths be4 my 15th bday and cutting sence i was nearly 16 i’m 17 and i’ve stoped cutting but i still smoke and so dose my twin brother he started at the same time and theres no one 2 talk 2, we have no friends where we live cuz were sappose 2 be at bording school

  2. avatar Vivienne says:

    The truth is, even parents have a lot of growing up to do. Being a parent doesn’t come with an instruction manual and every kid needs a different upbringing. Don’t be too hard on yourself because your parents are strict and expect a lot from you. When I used to feel like this, I found that it helped to think of it as me giving my parents time to adjust the to the fact that I was starting to be more independent. My advice is to think of yourself as the parent and your parents as the kids. Although this won’t change the way your parents treat you, it might relieve the blame you feel towards yourself. It might also grant you more patience and a greater sense of self-value.

  3. avatar niceaj says:

    i know how you feel. i’m not close to my mom and i’ve never been. my brother hits me sometimes and it doesn’t much but it hurts my feelings. pretty much i always feel like dying. my family makes fun of me and they judge me a lot. when i tell my mom how i feel she just gets angry because she thinks that i’m not thankful to all that she’s given me. i don’t even love her anymore. i only love my dad. every time i go somewhere i’m left out from everyone else. it’s hard for me to talk to my mom.

  4. avatar melanie says:

    omg i totally know what your going through. I mean my parents are so strict and over protective with me, that i started cutting myself. i actually got the guts to tell my youth pastor which was really scary because im really shy to talk to them but i told them. and they told me i should tell my mom so one day i did, and it didnt make anything better, i feel like their more stricter and more over protective. so i think its best to get invovle in activitys too, only because you’ll be able to get away from them, and try to make new friends, show them to your parents, maybe they’ll start trusting you to go out with them and you can just take a breather. remember what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. thats something that i always remember

  5. avatar Arden says:

    I completely understand…I went through the same thing about 4 months ago and considered killing myself frequently. I felt like no one liked me and that my life would never get any better. Things improve, though. Since life is always changing, things will always get better, and they have for me. My advice: exercise, join a sport even if you’re not good at it, eat well, and get a cat. :)

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