I’m 18 And I’ve Never Been Kissed or Dated Anyone. Will This Hurt My Dating Life in the Future?

so not your future.

Dear Heather,
I’m 18 years old and have never had a boyfriend before. I’ve never had sex or even made out. I’m extremely “innocent” or “pure,” as all my friends at school say (and I’m completely fine with that, since I want to focus on myself and my health as much as I can). But, I do want to have a boyfriend and eventually have sex and get married.

This year at school, a close guy friend of mine told me it’s possible to die from having sex if one waits too long (or has it first as an adult). Of course, this really shocked me and now I want to find out if it’s really true. Can you die from having sex if you wait until you’re older? Also, will being this inexperienced have a huge effect on my love life in the future? Thanks.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with focusing on yourself right now. It’s completely fine and normal to be 18 and have no interest in having a boyfriend or a sex life right now. I think it’s great that you’re holding your ground and sticking to what you believe in.

|How do you feel about being single? Discuss on the Shout Out Boards!|

Now, as for this rumor that you can die from having sex if you wait too long — that is absolutely FALSE! No one has ever died just from having sex at an older age. It’s true that sex can be painful your first time, but that’s a normal experience for a gURL at any age. It sounds to me like your guy friend that told you this is seriously misinformed, or he’s just trying to mess with you.

You shouldn’t stress about being inexperienced. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you to explore your love life and sexuality. Having your first kiss and your first boyfriend are supposed to be enjoyable, happy experiences — don’t let any myths about waiting “too long” get in the way of your happiness. Although it definitely does take a little time to get used to kissing and dating at first, everyone goes through it regardless of age, so don’t feel alone. Eventually things will fall into place, no matter how long you wait.

|Think this sex myth is whack? A guy told his gURLfriend that if he pees in her, she won’t get pregnant!|

I hope this clears things up! Let me know if you have any more questions.

What about you, gURLs? How long did you wait to have your first kiss or to start dating? Do you still feel inexperienced at all? Share your stories and advice below!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Being Different, Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions, Virginity
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  • Courtney

    I’m 17 going onto 18 as well…never kissed anyone…never had sex with anyone…I’ll just keep swimming.

  • nataliirene2010

    I’m a 22 year old girl and I’ve never been kissed or had a boyfriend. There’s nobody I like right now, so I’m perfectly happy. It’s nice to know that there are other people in their teens or 20’s who haven’t had their first kiss yet. : )

  • MARIA

    I’m 17 years old goin gon 18. I’ve been on dates but i’ve NEVER had a boyfriend or made out with a guy. I don’t even kiss on the first date because i’m afraid of leading them on. its not that I have no interest in all guys. its just that I havn’t found that one guy who I really have that chemestry with

  • Shantelle

    I’m 17 and I still haven’t dated or have had sex with anyone. You should be proud that you are still a virgin and I’d say you should focus on your future goals. Besides cupid’s arrow strikes when you least expect, even when you do have a boyfriend don’t ever feel pressured into having sex if you are not ready, because if you do you could end up regretting it later on in life. Don’t worry there are plenty of fish in the sea !!! 🙂 X

    • kaitlyn

      That’s right girl!!! Where I live, relationships are based on sex. I can’t even go to a homecoming without being just friends!!! Boys want to get with girls mostly to have sex and majority of the girls get pregnant. In my family, I was raised by only females. I had no man role model in my life. My cousins told me stories about the things they went through with a boy. I don’t know who’s my father is and my aunts had divorces. Last year I went down the street from my house to see an old neighborhood buddy of mine was still selling candy. He was by himself in the house and he wasn’t selling food anymore. Long story short, he wanted to have sex with me. I told him bye and I ran home. I thought to my self, that I don’t want to go down this road with any boy. It is too complicated and you can’t trust a boy to not tell any of his friends. Majority of the boys won’t do anything in life! I am 17, black, and i never had my first kiss nor dated someone and it is going to stay that way for right now. A lot of boys asked me out but I shut them down quick because they don’t want to do anything in life or they just want to get with me just to show face. I’m waiting till college because I know that they are serious about their lives (some of them). And college has more dudes to pick from.

  • It’s me

    I was almost 19 when i had my first boyfriend. I was devastated because all of my friends had at least one boyfriend and i felt so lonely.
    I am with my boyfriend 6 months now and i love him so much, he was my first everything, he changed my life.

    • Amy

      Thank you so much for posting this, I’m almost 18 and have never so much as dated a guy never mind kissed or anything else. I realise that I’m not the only one but it’s hard when all my friends have bfs and tell me about their sexcapades and I have to try to be supportive. However your experience makes me feel like it will hopefully be worth the wait so ty again 🙂

  • arabia

    Wow your just like me I barely had a first kiss, never had a bf, never did anything sexual

  • Helley

    I know the exact same feeling, the last time I feel in love it felt like my heart was breaking and I can never forgive him for what he has done to me. I am in love with someone who cares so much for his friends and family, but I am scared that If I fall in love again is that I will lose him like I did with the other guy. But I have never been kissed and the only thing that gets me through life is that neither me nor my best friend has never been kissed so we can talk about it together. One day, I hope, is that I fall in love and never be rejected.

  • Alex

    Omg I’m 17 going on 18 and I’ve never even kissed a guy before. I am soooo glad to know I’m not the only one. I want so much to conquer the world and to get into fitness. Im just so happy im not the only one who couldn’t give a crap about getting into relationships and sex.

  • Anonymous

    omg! I’m an eighteen year old virgin who’s never made out, too! I’m in college now though, so I think it’s only a matter of time……on the kissing part, not sex. I’ve decided I’m saving myself– but there’s no reason not to have a little fun while I wait 😉

  • KACI

    i think its an awesome and wonderful thing that you are 18yrs and still a virgin there’s not a lot of them nowadays. don’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do and don’t do it because all of your friends are in my personal beliefs i feel that a person should wait til marriage to have sex. sex is made for marriage although a lot of people certainly don’t wait anymore i also feel that every time you sleep with someone you give them a piece of your soul and heart. anyways i am 24yrs and i am still a virgin mainly because my personal beliefs and also because i really haven’t found any one that i want to share a bed with. i dont want to just give it to any one.

    • Monique

      I’m not the only one! I’m also 24 and I’ve decided to wait. I have had many chances in college and so forth but I didn’t want to cheapen the experience by sleeping with guys that meant absolutely nothing to me. It makes me said to see so many woman my age crying over how they wish they didn’t sleep so many guys. I let you know right now if you’re young reading this that most people who are my age wish they could have waited. You are special and your first time should mean something to you.

  • Friend

    See..the thing is ,whatever heather has answered is very correct.No one dies becuase one hadn’t done sex, this girl’s boyfriend just want to use this poor girl,thats why he said such a lie to the poor girl.
    This girl is trying NOT to lose her virginity,but she gets turned on (she never said she doesn’t get feelings).Controlling emotions is always good.

  • prettyinpurple16

    I’m currently 16 and I still have my virginity. I think that it’s completely up to you when you want to lose it. Don’t feel rushed just because everyone around you is doing it. Wait until you’re ready and you’ll appreciate it more.

  • yourstruly

    “It’s completely fine and normal to be 18 and have no interest in having a boyfriend or a sex life right now”

    That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. If it was normal for 18 year olds to have no interest in getting it on, our species wouldn’t have ever survived let alone evolved. An 18 year old should have SOME interest in men or women, sorry but it’s true.

    • leogirl

      No, you’re wrong. You have a very immature mindset. What’s the matter with you?

    • i like mangoz

      what the heck is wrong with you, just because your sex carzy doesnt mean everyone should, NOT EVERYBODY CAN BE LIKE YOU!!

    • Lisa

      Do me a favor. Shut up. She probably thought about it but she probably doesn’t feel ready.

    • Anonymous

      I know! I thought that, too. “It’s completely fine and normal to be 18 and have no interest in having a boyfriend or a sex life right now”. Umm, on what PLANET?!??!? lol. I mean GEEZ.

    • Alex

      I can’t believe you’d say that. Just because that’s what you feel and believe doesn’t mean it has to be true for anyone and everyone. People can feel and do as they want.

  • ellie

    Gurl let me tell you, I waited until i was 33 to lose my V card and I had to go to the ER! Darnell was just so strong and I couldnt handle him. they had to put me on fluidz and life support, YOU BETTER LOSE IT NOW BEFORE YOU DEAD!!!!!! now im 87 and i have sex on the daily, itll get better, dont worry.

    • Snicks

      Wow, this is so incredibly fake. Sorry to troll, but… really? Come on, now. Don’t scare the gURL. Shameful.

      I lost my virginity at 16, because it was to a guy I really loved. We had dated over a year before doing it. I knew it was the right decision because I really wanted it. I didn’t have to ask anyone else. And it doesn’t matter if you’ve not kissed anyone. You’ll find the right person on your own time. I’m still with the guy who took my virginity (and gave me his) two years later. I knew for myself when it was right, and you’ll know for yourself. Don’t let other people pressure you or feed you BS rumors about waiting too long. It’s your body, your mind, and your heart.

      Luck and Kisses,
      Snicks

    • i like mangoz

      WHY IS EVERYONE POSTING THESE MESSED UP COMMENTS !!!

      • Ashley

        LOOOL I know, these comments are kinda gay. ok so having sex on your own time is fine, but I know you must have SOME interest in boys, like you can’t NOT think about boys. I had sex when I was 17 and that’s because me and my boyfriend thought it was the best idea and we wanted to do it. and kissing, my first kiss was at 13 and it was with my first boyfriend that I really loved a lot, so we kissed. do what you want gURL, you don’t need anyone to make up your mind for you.