I Caught My Boyfriend Cheating and Now Everything Sucks. How Can I Make This All Go Away?

hate what you see? it might be time to say goodbye.

Hi Heather,

Around six months ago, my boyfriend of two years was texting another girl asking her for sex. I found this out last week when I was going through some messages on an old phone of his he said he broke. When I found them I could not understand. I asked him about it and he admitted it but said he never physically cheated on me with her and it was a stupid mistake and he hates himself for it. He went on and on about how I was the only one and loved me with his whole heart, but I wasn’t convinced.

Later that day a girl I hate txetd him saying “fml”, so I text her back, pretending to be him. I said “who is this?” and she said “(….)”, I said , “(…..)??”, then she replied with, “oh (bf’s name) you told me if I got a text saying who’s this to say it was (…..)”.

I asked my bf and he said it was so I didn’t get any ideas, because she’s nothing to him and didn’t want me getting worried. I talked to her and she reckons he’s been texting her constantly but they’re just friends.

My boyfriend and I are so happy, we are always together and he does the sweetest things, he’s had a rough upbringing and tells me stuff he would never say to others — trust me, serious stuff. I love my boyfriend so much, I know people throw that around but I can’t say it enough, I would do anything for this to all go away. I just don’t know what to do.

Both times, your boyfriend’s actions were really not okay. Sending texts to another gURL asking for sex is a major breach of trust. Even if he never physically slept with another person, plenty of people would consider just sending those texts to be cheating. It would be one thing if after his apology, he cut out that behavior, but you knew in your heart that he didn’t, and you were right. That is definitely a problem.

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Now that he’s continuing to sneak around and text other gURLs (especially gURLs who you don’t trust), I see a major red flag. Maybe they really are just friends, but think about it: Would a trustworthy guy really create a back-up plan for when his girlfriend caught him texting with another gURL? Honestly: It sounds like he’s playing you.

You say you’re happy together, but this isn’t how a good boyfriend acts. Maybe he truly loves you, but you deserve better than that. If you feel like you have to snoop through his phone and constantly confront him for his actions, it’s time to rethink your relationship. If you still want to stay with him, then you’ll have to accept that he’s the kind of person who sneaks around because he needs female attention. Some gURLs are okay with that, but if you aren’t, then be true to your heart and let go before you get even more hurt.

|Is flirting ever harmless? Heather weighs in!|

Good luck with everything, and let me know how it all goes.

What do you think, gURLs? Do you think he’s cheating? Should she dump him? Have you ever found flirty texts on your sweetie’s phone? Share your stories and advice below!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Cheating, Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Love&Sex, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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16 Comments

  1. avatar Chani says:

    i think a better way for girls not to be hurt by boys is not having boyfriends at all

  2. avatar taylor says:

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year and a half now. He first cheated on me last November. He cried apologized said he needed me in his life, ive heard it all. he got in some trouble in december and while me and him couldnt talk. His friends told me about all the girls he had been bringing over to their house. I got their phone numbers and text every single one of the girls. There was about 4. ( keep in mimd, this was the second time i found out he had been cheating on me.) i just let ir go because he is my first love and i CANT let him go. I csnt get over him no matter what i dom so i decided to let it go and just told myself that he will eventually stop. But about 3 weeks ago he got a new phone. I went through his old phone and say MANY MANY messages to other women! Including 2 of his ex’s whom i specifically asked him to not talk to! he told all the girls he was single and not talking to me. He denied all that too.. So we hung out a week later and i saw texts AGAIN . This time i put the girls number in my phone and i text her. She told me to check his meet me ( myyearbook) messages to him. He has denied to me for over a year that he doesnt have a myyearbook. He always says im trying to catch him in a lie. But todsy, i created a myyearbook ( meet me) to just see if i could find him. He has not one but TWO profiles. And has been asking other girls to come cuddle with him all night and have sex. He is my first love and i just want him to want me, i want him to change.. But i feel like it will never end.

  3. avatar icantloveu says:

    my crush,my boyfriend,my LOVE,i walked out of the school and saw him there with the girl he said he didnt love he didnt even like her! not a bit but thats not what i saw i saw him i saw her and i didnt see much space in between them. he saw the hurt on my face and he looked stunned that i had seen that he got up and started walking tword me saying “baby u know i would never hurt you! ” what i said :
    “really? cuz it feels like ur hurting me right now ” whenever i see him now my heart breaks over and over again </3

  4. avatar Cristie says:

    I’m sorry about that!This isn’t the way that someone should be treated.!You do not desrve things like that.If you really love him just have a chat with him about his feelings and what he wants from you!This might help you see the whole story more clearly and you will also hear his point of view,which means that you will take the right decision!Good luck and I hope you won’t let your feelings destroy your life!He is not the only guy in the whole world!You will find your prince,who will give you love and not pain!Once you get single you will want to be just like this forever!!Trust me!

  5. avatar lisa says:

    this brought me to tears becuz this is exactly what happend between me and my boyfriend i am still with him but have no idea wat to do because i dont trust him at all it hurts because i want our love to work but im also afraid of it working out and have this happen again.

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  7. avatar Kate says:

    i say dump him cause when they sorry their usaly sorry they got caught

  8. avatar Bella says:

    i met this guy thru a friend and he has a gf and we both have strong feelings for each other he wants to be with me but doesn’t wanna break up with his gf for another girl. I really think i love him i don’t know what to do. He has kissed me, but i don’t wanna be a cheater so idk what to do? He said he needs her to do something to break up with her :( Does anyone have advice?

    • avatar Kasandra says:

      If he reallly really loved you back he would of left his girlfriend for you. But he probably still has feelings for his girlfriend and feels guilty breaking up with her for you. I dont think you should wait for him. You deserve better than to be the other woman waiting for him to leave his girlfriend. If he really feels strongly, he will chase after you

    • avatar tee says:

      i say snog the guy hard on the lips that will tell him

  9. avatar Siarra says:

    I actually just broke up with my boyfriend three days ago because of something that started out similar tto this. We weren’t dating for quite as long as you so I can imagine your situation to be even harder, but I have never been as close to someone as I was him, we went to college together and so we basically lived together. But anyways, towards the end of this semester we went out one night and the whole way back in the cab he was on his phone. I was like whatever it didn’t really mean much to me, but then when we went back to the room, when i was sleeping there, he continued to text. He was wasted and passed out so even though its something I normally don’t do I looked through the texts and theye were too a girl saying “I want you” and “do me” and she would be like “you’re only saying this because you’re drunk” and he was like “no i’ve liked you for awhile.” so right then i was devastated and left while he was sleeping. The next day he came in cryong saying he didnt remember any of it and loved me so much and was so sorry he never meant to hurt me. We broke up for a litttle because it was summer and I didnt trust him but nothing really changed once we got through it we were perfect together again. He asked me to be with him again multiple times and after awhile he gained my trust back and I thought nothing would ever happen. Like we had talked about that night so much and outr relationship was better than before even. Then, he came to stay with me this weekend because we had the house to ourselves, and I went out to get a drink when he fell asleep watching a movie and his phone went off and it was the same girl. so i checked his facebook and there were messages about him sleeping with her on tuesday. i have never been so shocked, like I had completely trusted him again and was fooled. and now, I really really wish I could forget it all but I dont know itf i could ever get past it. like he apologized and cried and said he needed me in his life and really messed up but with these guys you’re always going to wonder what exactly he is telling the truth about.

  10. I think he may be cheating for he’s coming into a new relationship maybe. But you better make sure. :) Hope he’s not! :) God bless. :D

  11. avatar trice cruz says:

    i dont not think he is cheating because of how the both said that they are “just friends” it’s normal for a guy to have female friends just like it’s normal for a female to have guy friends just because you have a different sex friend and a signficant other that dosent mean you’re creating a back up plan i actually feel if you love him and he loves you to work it out dont do something you will regret i found flirty textes in my guys phone and yes i was very hurt and confused but sometimes guys have to weight their opitons not saying its right because its not but sometimes guys feel like the can have anyone they want and wen the stop feeling like that they have to get in touch with there star player i feel if you stay with him and show him you love him with every mistake show him that you care and you wont judge him for it hes going to relaize what he have and home is were hes going to stay

  12. avatar Lola says:

    I would just dump him. I know you guys have been together long, but if he does it once, what makes you think he won’t do it again? Just think that while your innocently doing something at home, he’s out there, partying and stuff with some slut. I would just leave him. He’ll beg for you back which will be hard, but words are just words, honey. Guys will lie for anything. If he really wanted you, he wouldn’t be flirting with other girls and asking them for sex. Good luck, I hope your smarter then this ;)

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