I currently have everything going great. Except for one boy. This is the boy that I lost my virginity to. It happened over the summer. He wanted something on the ‘down low’ and I went along with it because I had a lot of feelings for him. I thought sex would make him want a relationship. I was wrong. We hooked up for about two months over the summer then he quit talking to me after telling me he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, I was crushed. But. I’m a strong girl and I worked my hardest to get over it.
It’s now 9 months later, and I’ve been working on getting fit, and I do look good. Anytime we’re at a party together I catch him looking at me. I notice it and so do a lot of my friends. Recently he texted me and wants to start hanging out again. I know he only wants sex again, and I know it will end up bad if I do it again.
Problem is, it’s the only thing I want to do. I keep thinking maybe this time he’ll date me. I don’t know how to talk to him about it without scaring him away. And I don’t know what to do…I just need some advice.
Even though you really want things to work out with this guy, you know in your heart that it won’t. He’s not interested in a relationship with you, period. And no matter how hard you try, no amount of hooking up, losing weight, or being awesome will change that, because this guy’s issues have nothing to do with you as a person.
Because you can’t even talk to the guy about being in a relationship without scaring him away, it’s time to let that ship sail and give up the idea of ever becoming a couple with him. Honestly, if a person only pays attention to you when you’re looking you’re hottest, he’s probably not boyfriend material to begin with. It sucks, but you’re dodging a major bullet since this guy clearly carries a lot of personal drama.
If you really want to have sex with him again because you find the hook up fun, that’s a whole ‘nother story. While having sex with a person biologically strengthens our emotional bond and makes us more attached to them, there is such thing as hooking up without getting hurt. But it doesn’t really sound like that’s possible for you, and it is so not worth being crushed yet again by the same guy.
Stay true to yourself and your feelings, and use your strength to get out of this situation and meet a loving sweetie who will not only want to sleep with you, but who will also appreciate you for you.
Good luck, and let me know how everything goes.
What do you think, gURLs? Should she dump the guy and find someone new? Have you ever been in her position? Share your stories and advice below!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at email@example.com.
more ways to get gURLy:
- Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
- Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
- Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
- Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
- Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
- Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
- Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!