My best friend openly admitted to me that she flirts with my boyfriend. She flirts with him in front of my face, but I just stand there cause I don’t know what to do! And if I confront my friend about it, I know she’ll be offended somehow and make this all my fault. I love my boyfriend sooo much and it just hurts to see my best friend do this!
I already am self-conscious, and it totally sucks that a beautiful girl like my friend is flirting with my boyfriend… I get these thoughts that he thinks she is prettier than me and he likes her more. I really am a jealous girlfriend.
Please Heather, I don’t know how to confront this situation! If I lost that wonderful man in my life… I’d just be lost.
It’s not okay for your best friend to be flirting with your boyfriend, especially if it stresses you out and makes you feel down on yourself. The fact that she openly told you that she does it could either mean that she doesn’t take it too seriously and flirts around as a joke, or it could be that she just doesn’t respect your feelings. And the only way to find out what’s up and to make it stop is to confront her — even if it is a little awkward.
If she really is your best friend, a straightforward “It makes me uncomfortable when you flirt with my boyfriend” should do the trick. Maybe she’ll be offended, but let her know it’s about you and your boundaries, and not her as a person (which is the truth). If she turns it around and makes it your fault, then that isn’t fair to you, and she’s not being a good friend. Let her know that as long as she’s acting this way, she’s disappointing you as a BFF.
What confuses me is why you don’t put any of the blame on your boyfriend. Does he flirt back? Has he shown any sign that he’s more interested in her than you? Flirting is often a two-way-street, and if he’s acting the same way she is, it’s a double standard to only be mad at your gURL friend. It’s okay to feel a little jealous when someone else is taking up your boyfriend’s attention, but it’s got to be addressed when you’re starting to feel like you’re not good or pretty enough.
It might be tough, and it might be a little uncomfortable, but by talking to your friend and your boyfriend individually, you can stop what’s going on — or get out of the situation before you get hurt. I know you said that you’ll feel so lost without your guy in your life, but you’d be surprised by how much better being single is when you don’t have to deal with the drama that comes with being in a relationship.
Good luck. Let me know how it all plays out.
WDYT, gURLs? Has your best friend ever flirted with your sweetie? What did you do? How did it go? Share your stories and advice below!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.
more ways to get gURLy:
- Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
- Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
- Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
- Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
- Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
- Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
- Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!