My BFF Flirts With My Boyfriend!

how rude!

Dear Heather,

My best friend openly admitted to me that she flirts with my boyfriend. She flirts with him in front of my face, but I just stand there cause I don’t know what to do! And if I confront my friend about it, I know she’ll be offended somehow and make this all my fault. I love my boyfriend sooo much and it just hurts to see my best friend do this!

I already am self-conscious, and it totally sucks that a beautiful girl like my friend is flirting with my boyfriend… I get these thoughts that he thinks she is prettier than me and he likes her more. I really am a jealous girlfriend.

Please Heather, I don’t know how to confront this situation! If I lost that wonderful man in my life… I’d just be lost.

It’s not okay for your best friend to be flirting with your boyfriend, especially if it stresses you out and makes you feel down on yourself. The fact that she openly told you that she does it could either mean that she doesn’t take it too seriously and flirts around as a joke, or it could be that she just doesn’t respect your feelings. And the only way to find out what’s up and to make it stop is to confront her — even if it is a little awkward.

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If she really is your best friend, a straightforward “It makes me uncomfortable when you flirt with my boyfriend” should do the trick. Maybe she’ll be offended, but let her know it’s about you and your boundaries, and not her as a person (which is the truth). If she turns it around and makes it your fault, then that isn’t fair to you, and she’s not being a good friend. Let her know that as long as she’s acting this way, she’s disappointing you as a BFF.

What confuses me is why you don’t put any of the blame on your boyfriend. Does he flirt back? Has he shown any sign that he’s more interested in her than you? Flirting is often a two-way-street, and if he’s acting the same way she is, it’s a double standard to only be mad at your gURL friend. It’s okay to feel a little jealous when someone else is taking up your boyfriend’s attention, but it’s got to be addressed when you’re starting to feel like you’re not good or pretty enough.

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It might be tough, and it might be a little uncomfortable, but by talking to your friend and your boyfriend individually, you can stop what’s going on — or get out of the situation before you get hurt. I know you said that you’ll feel so lost without your guy in your life, but you’d be surprised by how much better being single is when you don’t have to deal with the drama that comes with being in a relationship.

Good luck. Let me know how it all plays out.

WDYT, gURLs? Has your best friend ever flirted with your sweetie? What did you do? How did it go? Share your stories and advice below!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Friends, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sucky Emotions, Sucky Emotions
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  • JADE

    MY FRIEND FLIRTS WITH YERISON MY BOYFRIEND AND I LOOK AT THEM EACH DAY

  • anon

    HI! it’s 8 am and i am up on the computer reading blogs about friends flirting with theirs friends man. i have a “friend” like that. she doesn’t just flirt with mine…it’s every man pretty much…it just rea;lly gets to me when its mine. shes one of those girls that need attention from men….not because she wants to go to bed with them..she just wants to feel wanted…but not by mine!!! she’s done thing sopenly in front of me and when she realizes the look on my face she tries to act like she was “joking”…playinga round…its called flirting…i havent directly brought it out…only made small comments thinking it would deterr her…wanting to keep our friendship…but only slightly..has that helped…its eating me up to the point that i resent her and she has no idea it is eating me from the inside out…i feel like she doesnt respect me…thats not a friend. we were out one night and she made the comment “dang…do you have tube socks stuffed in there”…to my bf, in front of me…my boyfriend was stunned and acted like he didnt hear it….and again weeks later in the boats he had on white swimming trunks and she said something about him needing to wear some boxers with a little chuckle…the same day she was readjusting her tatas in here bikini and kept saying “hey..i think your man just seen my b88bz”..and she was readjusting in a way that looked like she was trying to show him…and she said all of this to me!!!!!why the heck would i think that was funny??why would she feel comfortable saying that to me!!! i am confronting her about it today.

  • Batman

    Ive been going through that, but he isn’t my BF. we both like each other and everyone knows that. Hailee told me that he is one of the guys she likes. That made me super duper triple barrel cotton candy angry gumdrops mad!!! I told her that I liked him and she said that there didn’t need to be any competition. She is such a hipocrate. She flirts with “him” everyday and it makes me go biz inkers. He has already told me that he likes me, but she just can’t accept that. I need help. Am I wasting my time?

  • ~Pandoraa;

    I had the same problem :/ except my best friend was my boyfriends ex, and I didn’t know until after we started going out. She then was flirting with him, confessing her love etc. Naturally, my boyfriend showed me the messages she was sending, and i confronted her. She proceded to say that she thought he was only with me to make her jealous (this was 3 months into mine and my boyriends relationship) so I came back with the fact that she was basically, a bitch, for not telling me, her ‘best friend’ that she suspected my boyfriend was using me, and then flirting with him behind my back. Shes caused tons of arguments between me and my sweetie; by calling him babe, etc, but now we’ve blocked her from our lives, and we’re closer than ever.. she has attempted to worm her way back into his life, and even gone as far as to trying to kiss him, which made me retaliate with violence, a slap, which I admit I’m not proud of, but it did make me feel a lot better..

    Anyway, now 7 months in, we couldn’t be happier, we’ve both stopped all communication with my ex BFF; and we’re never going back there 🙂

  • i told her to stop flirting with my boyfriend & shes my bestfriend but all that did ia piss her off?

    • YANDY

      IF YOUR FRIEND DOES NOT STOP FLIRTING WITH YOU BOYFRIEND THEN STOP BEING HER FRIEND .

  • t

    This happened to me. Well I was the girlfriend. I knew my boyfriend was going to eventually go to my best friend because she is beautiful, and skinny, and amazing, and I'm bleh. ell it happened on Sunday/: Stand up for yourself before it's to late!

  • bethanycalhoun0258

    this girl is NOT being a good friend. tell her "LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALONE , HE'S MINE, AND IF YOU DON'T, WE'RE THROUGH! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!" if she doesn't however, drop her. she deserves it; she saw it coming if you told her.

    • aelx :)

      i am totally with ya. dump her on her a$$ cause, that is just plain mean. but remember warn her first. hope it works out for ya GURL!!!!