I recently started noticing that my friend has been acting weird around me. She told me I smelled nice and smelled my neck. and the other day she started stroking my hair. Yesterday, she sent me an email saying she’d had a sexual fantasy about me. I am not lesbian or bi but I don’t want to upset her and lose her because she’s quite a good friend.
It can be really awkward when a friend, male or female, hits on us when we’re not interested. Some people react poorly to this by embarrassing and shaming our friends (and sometimes even giving in and hooking up to make them feel better). The fact that you just want to protect your friend’s feelings shows a lot about your maturity and who you are as a person.
The best and easiest way to let her down gently is to tell her the truth: You’re really just interested in guys, and that you’re not attracted other gURLs, period. Let her know it has nothing to do with her as a person and that her friendship means a lot to you. Her attraction to you doesn’t have to and probably won’t change your friendship. In all likelihood, your relationship will stay pretty much the same, and she’ll move on to another gURL who is more interested in acting out her fantasies. Win-win-win!
Chances are that she’ll drop the subject for good as soon as you talk to her about it (you’ll probably laugh about it later, too), but in the rare case that she does continue to touch you and talk to you in ways that make you feel uncomfortable, that’s really not fair to you. If it happens — and again, it probably won’t! — you can tell her that being turned into a sex object is inappropriate and makes you feel disrespected, and that it’s not okay.
WDYT, gURLs? Has a friend ever hit on you? What happened? How did you let her down? Share your stories and advice below!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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