How Do I Get My BF to Open Up About What He Wants in Bed?

what's your kink?

Hi Heather,

My and my boyfriend have been having sex (protected of course). He asks me what I like and does them, but he won’t open up to me about what he likes! When I ask him, all he says is “Being with you is my turn on.”

Some people find talking about sex awkward and embarrassing. Maybe your boyfriend honestly is completely satisfied with your sex life and loves every little thing that you do. Maybe he’s just a little shy and afraid to open up. Maybe he doesn’t want to freak you out with his kinks. Or maybe he doesn’t really know what he wants.

|What do you like doing in bed? Talk about it on the Shout Out Boards!|

If he’s satisfied sexually but open to trying out new things, the best thing you can do is experiment and see what turns him (and you!) on. There are so many fun things to do in bed that couples never try out of fear or embarrassment, but since you both sound comfortable and happy with each other, this shouldn’t be a problem. Neither of you will ever know all of the things you like until you give ‘em a whirl — how do you think Rihanna figured out she likes getting spanked?

If he’s on the shy side, gradually try new things with him in bed and see how he reacts. Different positions, different techniques, different everything. Try teasing him (sexually, not verbally) and see how he responds. It’ll make sex that much more enjoyable and intimate.

|This gURL’s anger is taking over her life! Have you ever been as mad as her?|

The #1 thing to remember when it comes to exploring each others’ wants: Never judge your sweetie in bed. As long as you two are both feeling safe, it will be easy to be honest about what you want sexually. Let him know there’s nothing he could say that would freak you out and make you leave (as long as you honestly feel that way). If he really doesn’t want anything, drop the subject for a while and enjoy what you have!

Keep it safe, take it slow, and have fun!

WDYT, gURLs? Have you or your sweetie ever had a hard time opening up about your wants in bed? What did you do? Share your stories and advice below!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Dating, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
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2 Comments

  1. avatarcyanda says:

    i want a girlfriend

  2. avatarShay says:

    This isn't about sex, this is just about my boyfriend…lol

    I totally get what you mean, my boyfriend and I agreed that we don't want to be like every other couple and be down each others throats within a week. We're both also really shy. We've been gradually moving up and I like that, but lately I want to do more…and he doesn't seem like he wants to. But, he's also really good at hiding his feelings. I think he may want to, but I'm so shy I hate making the first move…but I know that's what guys like. URG. :)

    <3

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