I recently showed up to school with a hickey on my neck, and at first, I didn’t think anyone would notice, but on the second day, all my friends told me it was visible. Even teachers saw it! It must have been uncomfortable and weird for them to be looking at me. Then the third day, my mother confronted me about it.
When we talked, she confessed about her first hickey, and she got it when she was my age. She also confessed that she showed up to school with one. She told me it is common etiquette to simply “cover up,” which I regret not doing.
I feel so humiliated and stupid for not covering it up with at least a band aid or a scarf… but I didn’t want to seem suspicious. I’ve lost my dignity and reputation.
Words of comfort please? I feel so ashamed…
There’s no right way to deal with having a hickey. It’s great that your mom talked to you about it (I love that she shared her own hickey story with you!), and she’s right that it’s common etiquette to cover them up. I do want to add, though, that it’s your body and your hickey, and that it’s not really anyone else’s business or choice on whether or not you should cover it up.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed, humiliated, stupid, or anything! People get hickeys all the time — they’re not dangerous or contagious, so there’s no medical reason for people to freaked out by them. Some people shame and pressure gURLs into covering up those love bites (and ourselves in general) because they feel uncomfortable about sexuality… hickeys do come from kissing, after all. And other people just find those bruises a little bit icky to see. Whatever the case, it’s really their problem and not yours.
At the same time, if you just don’t want to deal with people staring or talking about it, covering it up for next time (as you know) will prevent the drama. A little bit of make up on the bruise, a band aid, or a scarf is only as suspicious as you make it seem.
Keep your head up high and ignore the haters. They’ll forget it about it in a few days and leave you alone. And just remember — (almost) everyone gets ’em!
What about you, gURLs? Have you gotten a hickey? Did other people see it? Share your stories and advice below!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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