My ex-boyfriend is amazing. He’s perfect in every way and I truly love him. He says he still loves me and talks about how happy we used to be. You would think it would be a no-brainer and we’d just get back together, right? WRONG! He also likes another girl who is completely wrong for him.
She’s a self-centered, spoiled, doesn’t-have-a-mind-of-her-own, Hannah Montana clone! She cries at EVERYTHING. She acts so stupid and clueless so she can get attention — and it worked cause she got the attention of the love of my life. And to make it worse, she tells her friends she doesn’t even like him!! She just keeps him around so she can feel like she is loved.
All I want is for him to be happy, so I do whatever I can to make sure they’re together. I can’t do this anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night because I love him so much and I hate her so much. Please help me make him realize that she’s a bimbo, and help me regain me sanity because it’s slowly ripping my heart into pieces.
I know it hurts to see someone you love be with another person. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. And I’m also sorry to tell you that hating this gURL and calling her a bimbo and crying yourself to sleep probably isn’t going to make your ex break up with her and get back together with you. I know it’s tough to hear, but it’s a reality you have to face if you want to start being happy again.
While it wouldn’t be fair of this other gURL to date your ex if he doesn’t even like him, it also wouldn’t be okay for your ex to go behind his girlfriend’s back to tell you that he still in love with you. But the thing is, you don’t know for sure if the gURL really is just dating him so that she can feel loved (who told you that? how reliable is that person?), and your ex has only told you that he loves you (read: cares about, likes as a friend). You don’t know what really goes on in their relationship when they’re together and alone, and it’s none of your business what happens between them privately — or at least, it shouldn’t be.
If you’re at the point where you’re crying yourself to sleep and breaking your back over making sure they stay together, it’s time to butt out of their relationship. You’re only torturing yourself at this point. It’s entirely possible that this gURL really isn’t even that bad, and that your jealously (which is a completely normal feeling for you to have right now) is making her (and her relationship with your ex) seem much worse than it actually is. And vice versa: Could it be that your ex isn’t actually perfect and that you’re just building him up in your head? Maybe just a teeny bit?
Ditch the female competition and all of this suffering-for-your-ex business and go find something (or someone) that actually makes you happy to occupy your time. Your ex and his girlfriend’s relationship will run its course, and if it’s not meant to be, they’ll suffer through it and find out for themselves while you’re off doing thing that don’t make you lose your sanity.
Keep me posted on how it all turns out.
What are your thoughts, gURLs? Have you ever watched your ex be with the wrong girl? How’d you deal? Share your stories and advice below!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.
more ways to get gURLy:
- Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
- Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
- Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
- Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
- Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
- Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
- Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!