My Family’s Moving to a Whole New State. What Am I Supposed to Do?

cheer up, buddy!

Dear Heather,

My mom told me a few days ago that we’re moving to Virginia on August 1. I’m a sophomore and have lived in Minnesota all my life. My biggest problems are that I’m terrified of being the new kid in school, not having anyone the rest of my high school life, and that I don’t know how to tell my friends.

Please help me, Heather!

The way I see it, there’s two ways to look at this: You could feel disappointed and stressed out and worry about moving. Or you could take this as a fresh start and get excited for what the future can hold. Since you don’t have too much say in the situation, there’s not too much else you can do.

I know it seems really sucky that you have to move away from your friends and everything comfy and cozy, but a new school means a clean slate and a whole new world — but not overwhelmingly so. While being the new kid can be scary, our society is so wired and connected that the stuff the people like and care about in Minnesota won’t be too different in Virginia. Plus, you can use the opportunity to be exactly the gURL you want to be — goodbye, old reputation! (And hey, if you like your current rep, just be yourself at the new school and you’ll maintain it in the new place.)

|Don’t have anyone to talk to about your problems? False! You can always chat away on the Shout Out Boards.|

When you say not having anyone the rest of your high school life, I’m guessing that means no “real” friends or no boyfriend. Totally not true. While friendships and relationships often get better with time, they don’t take a lifetime to form. Talk to people. Hang out. Join a club or a sport. Give new experiences a chance. It doesn’t take years and years to get a sweetie or a friend. In fact, for most gURLs, it’s just a matter of days from the point where they meet a person they’re into until they’re official.

Telling your friends about the big move can be a little tricky. Since you’re not the one who’s deciding to leave, it’s obvious that you have no control over it and it’s not your fault. Your friends will be more sad to see you go than anything else, but remember that people show their emotions in different ways. If some friends act angry or rude, it could just be that they’re hurting inside and are going to miss you and it’s not that they’re actually mad at you, they’re mad at the situation. Just make sure you break it to them all at once so noone feels left out or like they were the last to find out.

|this gURL’s social life just plain stinks. Heather gives her some help on making friends in a spanking new place.|

But try not to cling to the past. If you don’t make a new life for yourself in VA, then you’re never going to be really happy. I’m sure you’ll be too busy having fun and making friends to let that happen, though. It might be hard at first, but later in life when you’ll start new jobs, new schools, new everything in new places, you’ll be way ahead of the people who never had a real challenge in their life.

Let me know how it goes, okay?

Any gURLs out there ever have to move and be the new kid? What was it like? Share your stories and tips below!

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at

more ways to get gURLy:

Posted in: Being Different, Friends, Help Me Heather, School
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  • Sarah

    I have been to seven diffrent schools and at each school it almost exactly the same. If its a big school it will be easier to blend in but if its new school people will notice you more. Dont get nerves they will just talk to you more. You might come to notice that people will stare at you but they aren’t doing this to be rude they are just curious. Dont get to attatched to someone on the first week or so you never know when you may need someone else to talk to. Move around from person to person and be social. Also be relaxed and dont take things to seriously. But dont act like you own the place you dont was to be to sassy. When lunch comes around someone will usually be talki g to you while you are going down there and they will most likely ask you to sit with them, but if they dont them you should. Dont be shy about it because its awkward when your talking to someone and they just stare at unsure of what to do. Usually people who are not new will already be really confident and will make it easier for you be joking around. And pay attention to the teacher. You dont want to already have a teacher who hates you on the first day.

  • Lucy

    Im Going to a new school next year and i have been online schooled for 2 years…Im afriad i’ll just blurt stuff out…Any help would be apriciated

  • Oozy

    I’m moving schools soon too and I’ve been shitting myself for weeks over it

  • Nikki

    I’m still confused cuz I’m real shy so how do I get over that when entering a new school in a new state I’m so worried that I won’t make friends and be laughed at all the time

    • Katie

      I moved last year, and I’m extremely shy too! The first few weeks of school were really awkward for me, but then I joined a soccer team and met tons of people. I have so many close friends at my new school now. So if you’re shy, just join activities you like and try to be a little outspoken. I definitely wasn’t but I still have amazing friends. So don’t worry as much. I wish you good luck! I know exactly how you feel! <3

  • cherese

    hey my name is cherese and am 17 and last year september i was a new kid at my school but not the only one. i was scared as people was watching me strange but for a few weeks was observin everybody to see who i could make friends with and it turns out that i make friends with another new gurl also and had gotten to know my class mates to which is a plus as they hepled me to the in and outs of this school.

  • Erin

    Moving is something I have been really worried about too. My Dad's job has been changed around a lot and like you, we might move to Virginia. I was really worried but now, I've started to look ast the bright side. You have to remember that you aren't losing your friends, just adding to them. You can still keep in touch with people and at the same time, meet some new friends. Before this, I moved from North Jersey to South. My sister and brother have bothed moved twice in their lives. And, each one of us have been able to make new friends and fit right in. It can be really scary I know, I'm scared too. But for once parents have it right. If you are just yourself and show everyone what a great person you are they will try to be friends with you. And if they don't reach out then do it yourself! Making friends is only hard if you make it. I hope everything works out!

  • Bex

    Moving is the story of my life! i just moved last August, from Mexico to Seattle. Imagine how different it is! I was scared, too. I had your exact same worries! High School is always viewed as the most important and fun years of your life, and I was so scared I'd be the lonely, friendless girl who sat alone in the cafeteria. It took me a few months to gather a nice circle of friends, but it all turned out ok.


    On your first day of school, don't be the quiet one who fades into the background. Try standing out, and people will be curious. Ask the nicest person you've met if you can sit with them during lunch (that was the scariest part for me). And though ALL adults say this… be yourself! by being yourself you will attract people like you, and you'll find friends in no time. I was scared there'd be no people like me, so I didn't really let my personality show for the first few weeks. I was nice and polite to everyone–I didn't want to start off with grudges and enemies. Then I just stuck with the ones who were like me 🙂

    Also, join a club or a sport. It may be intimidating (it was for me!), but you'll meet people with the same interests, and if you mention you're new, they'll most likely be kind. I used to live in DC, and I have a lot of Virginian friends. People from Virginia are really nice, so don't worry! And good luck!!!

  • I've been the new girl too! I moved to Annapolis, Maryland, and I was terrified too. I was like, "Will I be popular or a total outcast? How do I know if I should be friends with someone or not?" I was so frightened. Then came 2nd period and I met some amazing people and everyone was super nice. Trust me, even though EVERYONE says this, people will be so fascinated with where you're from that they will instantly fall for whatever you're really good at! Just show 'em what you got and you'll make friends pronto!