How Do I Tell My Mom That I’m Pregnant?

Hi Heather,
How do I tell my mom that I’m pregnant?

I wish that this answer was a whole lot easier than it is. Their reactions are the real issue here, but first, let me recommend that you tell her with a purpose. Do you want to have this baby? Are you going to her for help with how to keep it? Or are you considering abortion? Or adoption? Do you need her help to decide?  Once you know what you need from her, you can tell her at a time when you both are ready — ready as you can be, anyway. If you go to her knowing what you need, you’ll appear more adult like, and that will be the key element to avoiding a purely negative response.

Here’s a suggested way to say it:

“Mom, what I’m about to tell you will have some serious emotional and financial implications. I know that it is releasing a burden on you and I’m really sorry for whatever comes out of it. I really need your help and support and love because I’m scared and I can’t go through this without you. I just found out from [insert way you found out (e.g.) pregnancy test, Doctor's name)] that I am pregnant. What I want is [insert what you want here].”

|But wait a sec — how do you really know if you’re pregnant? You might be showing signs, but take this quiz and find out!|

Even if your mom knew you are having sex, she’ll probably express disappointment or frustration. I don’t know your mom as well as you do, but typically, adults can express their reactions in the form of anger, numbness, calmness, panic, frenzy, sarcasm, taking charge, talking through their feelings, crying… Think about the last time you had to tell her something that could have potentially upset her. What did she do?

Be sure to give your mom time to speak without jumping in. Listen to what she says and let her vent if she has to. Realize that this situation is more than just this conversation. In the coming months, you’ll probably have many different feelings and you’ll need her support. Some days you might be ready, and others you might feel totally unprepared.  It helps if you can talk to your mom about your emtions, especially since she’s been through it before.

|And don’t forget, there’s always the gURLs and we’re here for you. Jump to the Teen Pregnancy Shout Out Board for help, to rant, and get advice on what to do next.|

And I’ll leave you with this: Even though you may feel really overwhelmed right now, sometimes — in fact, many times – a difficult situation brings people closer together.

gURLs, how do you think she should tell her mom that she’s pregnant? Tell me below!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

more ways to get gURLy:


Posted in: Body Issues, Family, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex, Teen Pregnancy
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  • Kailey

    I just recently found out I’m pregnant at 16 also. I don’t know how to tell my dad. my boyfriends parents took it well. any advise?

  • Caylin

    im 17 and my boyfriend is 21, i just resently found out i was pregnant we told his parents and they are so excited. im so scared to tell my parents because of how they are gonna react please help!!! i dont know how to tell them. so scared and i dont want to loose my baby, my parents are super strick, and my mom has never met brendon…. i dont know what to do…. HELPPP!!! pleaseee

  • Rebecca Karner

    HI IM 20 years. old. now and want to have a baby but im under the public. guardian. with means i can’t have a baby – but i really. want one -i have been. wanting. to have a a baby ever. since i was 16 years old – do u think i will be able. to get pregnant ur at 22 years old without telling my mum -im worried that if i get pregnant the guardian will
    take it of me and adopt it out to another family – so scared -please write back . .

  • Blair

    I’m not pregnant but my bff is and she told her parents wen they were watching TV and she started crying and her mom asked whts wroung and she said please don’t be mad at me but ………..I’m pregnant and her parents didn’t react the way she expected them too they just said to make sure u know what u want to do with the child

  • BETH WRIGHT

    I THANK SHE SHOULD FIND THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE TO TELL HER PARENTS. SHE DON’T WANT TO TELL THEM OUT IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF PEOPLE THAT SHE DONT KNOW. IF I EVER FIND OUT THAT IAM PREAGNANT I WOULD BE SCEARD TO BECAUSE I ANT GOT ANY ONE TO HELP ME EXCEPT MY BEST FRIEND’S PARNETS. BUT I DONT WANT TO PUT MY BABY ON HER PARNETS BUT IAM NOT PREAGNAT K GOOD LUCK!

  • boo boo

    Ok well I’m 16 and pregnant and i live with my boyfriend and his family I recently about 2 months ago I got the rod taken out… But I got pregnant 4 weeks ago and still am. Iv been saying stuff to my boyfriends mum like ” iv missed my period” bit she says its the rod. And his dad will get so angry when he finds out. They say im it aloud kids unttill I’m 18 I don’t no how to tell them !! Help

  • Flanby

    http://isitgoingtobeok.com/

    all the best, hold on in there! x

  • http://vintage.gurl.com/ Jessica

    I was 16 and pregnant when I told my parents. I decided to wait until my mom asked what was wrong. I told her I was pregnant… while she was driving. DO NOT do that! Adn I called my dad because he gets REALLY mad and I knew telling him face to face could potentially be putting my child in danger, not to mention myself. But they BOTH surprised me and took it VERY well and were very supportive.

  • Kasumi

    Well, I would not advise writing a letter or the like to present such an important matter, It can be a temporary way to get out of the reactions, but it denotes a lack of communication.

    Get them together, maybe sitting on a couch, and quickly remind them that you love them, genuinely.

    Heather makes a good point in saying that you should start out like that. It can help mentally prepare you and your parents.

    After telling them the news, don't be angry at their reaction. Remember you've had more time to adjust the they did. Try to remain calm, and to tell them the entire truth, no matter what it is. Hiding certain deets from your parents, even when telling the partial truth, also denotes a lack of communication, and when you are with child the household cannot afford bad communiation.

    Good luck. I hope you, or whoever it is that you are refering to, produces a healthy baby. May I suggest doing light exercises for mothers?

    And remember that your parents' reaction may be different from what you expect. They may think it a joke, over- or underreact, or they may already have known.

  • Kelsey

    Sarah, It doesnt ever really matter how old you are. im actually in the same boat at 20 and i still am trying to figure out a good way to tell both my parents. No matter what you want their support and you never want to hear the negative things they have to say. most of all the "im so disappointed in you" breaks my heart everytime. I think thats the one thing a kid doesnt want to hear. People do there best everyday with the cards that are given to them. Look at all the moms before you and how old they were. before marriage or not. they have all done it. as long as you have the support of just ONE person then i believe you can do it. As for telling your mom… i wish you luck. I was thinking of writing down my thoughts… its just easier that way for me. but at the same time I NEVER know when the right time is to tell her. :/ but i wish you all the best. I hope the dad's there to support you if ur parents wont be. but parents never HATE there kids. they will soon be happy when they hold that baby in there arms. they are more sad at the fact that they think ur life is over. and all the hopes and dreams they had for you are down the drain. but thats where u prove them wrong. :D Just my thoughts on the subject. (sorry its kind of all over the place)

  • jade and andrea

    well i will tell you its not easy but all you half to do is tell you mom your not feeling well n to take you to the gyno and then the doctor will tell her for you and all you to do is start planing if you keep the child hopefully you do :) ps thats how we told our moms

  • http://www.burythekastle.tumblr.com Sarah

    wow. I feel really sorry for whoever is pregnant. It would be more interesting if we knew how old she was, but I hope she'll be okay, considering she needs to tell her mom for support. I hope she'll figure something out. I'll pray for her <3