How Do I Get My Friend with Benefits to Become My Boyfriend?

could you be more than just FWB?

Hi Heather,
How and should I tell my friend with benefits that I want to be more than that? We have been fooling around a little for the last two weeks. Fooling around as in touching each other but we haven’t kissed or anything. We knew each other 3 years before we became friends with benefits. What should I do?

As Henry explained in his friends with benefits post, being FWB with a guy will change your relationship forever. By agreeing to be his no-strings-attached partner, you’ve already established that you’ve got a mutual attraction, which is a good sign about your physical chemistry. But you’ve also agreed to go into hooking up without committing to each other, which could actually make starting an exclusive relationship (meaning just you and him, with no one else on the side) tricky — but not impossible.

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Talk to him about it, and tell him you’d like be to closer than just friends who touch sometimes. Since you just started being FWB, it should be easy enough to transition if he has feelings for you, too. But even though you want something more from him, it’s not guaranteed that he feels the same way, especially since he has already said (by agreeing to the FWB) that he wants to touch without the commitment aspect.

And if he says he’s not interested in being more than just friends with benefits, I strongly suggest that you get out of your FWB relationship now before you get hurt. Hooking up with him won’t make him fall for you. It’ll only cause you to fall that much more for him, making it harder to break things off down the road.

|This gURL’s afraid she might be pregnant. Heather helps her figure things out.|

I know that sometimes we wish we could be the “cool” gURL who doesn’t need commitment, but it’s perfectly natural and normal to want to be with a person exclusively. If a guy can’t handle that, then he’s not the one for you.

gURLs, do you have a FWB-turned-BF success story? How’d you do it? Share your story below!

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

more ways to get gURLy:


Posted in: Dating, Friends, Friends With Benefits, Help Me Heather, Hooking Up, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
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15 Comments

  1. avatar Chantelle says:

    If known this guy since high school days turn we lost contact for a while I bumped into him at a nightclub 7 years ago and made a connection he wanted more which I couldn’t give at the time I was in a relationship and had two kids. So we lost contact some who years later we started talking again. We have been having a friends with benefits thing going for 2 years might be longer. Hes been asking me begging for me to see him at his place more and more every weekend. My relationship with my kids daddy has come to an end after 12 yrs and I’m feeling very fragile and weak. He must know that. I’ve tried to stop sleeping with him becoz I feel amazing when I’m with him and we chemistry and attraction to each other. But I feel like I’m falling for him and when he’s with his girlfriend I’m so jealous and upset kind of hurt coz I miss him so much he knows how to touch me and feels so good. How do I stop sleeping with him and is he trying to use me when there’s nobody else will he want a relationship with me in the future should I wait for him to break up with his girlfriend. He says he cares about me and misses me too I’m so confused

  2. avatar nana says:

    So this SEXY ASFUCK rasta boy transfered to my school he was very flirty with alot of girls and me, then we became great friends and I liked him then we would do touchy stuff only two times in the half year I knew him, i loved him so much and told him so many times about how I felt and how he should not treat me as a piece of neat, he said im not but maybe im not the right girl. :/ i got depressed the whole summer, then i went to his house again knowing damn well he wouldn’t commit. And now i cut him off and told him but he says he wants to be good friends but i can’t get him out my head and the memories of us controls me.

  3. avatar Bella says:

    I am currently in a FWB relationship, just without the sex. Reason why I even found this article is because we’ve known each other for 4 years (all throughout high school), and he’s a very sexual guy who hooks up with whomever whenever (which is why I don’t have sex with him, also because I’m a virgin and I want to give up my V card in a solid monogamous relationship). My parents approve of him and only my mom knows we are fooling around. But I’m currently struggling with my sexuality as I just learned that I’m Demisexual, and on top of that I am searching for a purity ring that fits with my status-quo, if that makes any sense. I want to keep being friends but I also want to keep the touching, teasing, kissing and handiwork. But I am terrible at turning him on or feeling like I can lead and I think it’s because my mentality is telling me that this relationship isn’t right for me. So what I’ve come up with so far is to get the ring, tell him our FWB thing is over with and if he asks about it I’ll say it’s not until marriage, it’s just with the right person in a normal relationship. No handjobs/fingering, etc. Just kissing and very close hugs, but with the person I’m in a relationship with, not him. If he wants me he can come after me. But even still I’m scared to make that decision.

  4. avatar StaceyMay says:

    I guess I have been in this situation for almost a year…Lol.

    He responded to my ad online.. clearly stating I wanted a relationship. We talked for about a month and finally met. Yep.. hit it off very well and had sex.

    We never said fwb was all that we were wanting. We never had that talk. We would meet up once a week…weekdays only..and out the door in under 2 hours. No talking…just wham bam see ya ma’am. It was always come over…be at my place this afternoon.

    Fast forward a few months..we started dating. He asked me to be his girlfriend and said he wanted a relationship. Then things slowed down. I kind of felt he was seeing someone…never asked. We have broken it off several times. He is the one who always comes back.

    Now we see each other usually every other weekend. We spend hours together laughing joking dancing, what not. We have a blast.

    He never wants me to leave. Always says be careful…I miss you…calls me his love. The chemistry is through the roof in and out of the bedroom.

    Right now I am trying to gradually sway things away from fwb. I refused months ago to not go out on the weekdays any longer. Now I am going to subtly push to go out more. I feel that it could more if I nudge him.

    We aren’t exclusive..he knows I do want that. But I just want him to actually date me and give me a fair shot. We have been out 3x in 10 months. As long as its gradual I am hoping it works.

  5. avatar aleji714 says:

    I have a friends FWB for two year now, he’s really sweet we would go to dinner, movies, drink with his friends. Lately I’ve been wanting more then sex but to be with him. I’ve been keeping my distances to see how I really feel. All I want is to be with him , iam afraid he doesn’t feel the same way. But if he doesn’t I will end everything right then and there.

  6. avatar Octaviak says:

    this guy and i started off as friends with benefits i ended up asking him wat i mean to him n if he see’s a future with me n he immediately came to my house and confessed how much i mean to him we dated and later on i found out he had a gf well i was disappointed and decide to give him another chance because i really liked him a month before my bday i broke it off with him and decided to go back to my x.my x and i decided that we need to decide wat we want n we went on wit our relationship and just wen shit hit the fan my x(the f.w.b) decided he wntd to contact me the both of us r in relationships bt our friendship just went to a next level,one day i was home alone and decided to invyt him over,i was in the bath n he just walked into the house i got out the bath and got dressed and we were just chilling then he went to my room and i followed him we layed on the bed and spoke one minute im laying next to him the next he is kissing all over me.and i felt so comfortable in his arms at that moment i forgot that i had a bf we kissed and we wer all over one another the next minute we fell asleep in each others arms and we woke up and told me im the best thing that ever happened to him only thing is i wnt more then a friendship wit him i wna be that gal he revolves his life around my only fear is that he will do wat he did the last time cheat on me n wen i get over him then he gna wna b my ”friend” again i love him and just wish he knew how much our relationship has never gone to sex and im proud bt nw i am older and need him nw more then ever

  7. avatar jynx says:

    I have been hooking up with this guy for almost 5 months. keep in mind him and I have been friends for about two years. when he first expressed he was intrested in me I had a boyfriend who wasnt very great at all he told me that i was so much better than the way my boyfriend was treating me and although i knew that i didnt break up with the guy until he said that. then we started talking, and ended up hooking up. since then we have had sex many times, and since its been 5 months im pretty sure it wont be anything more. but I know he cares for me. and whenever any other guy has tried to talk to me he has gotten super mad and jealous. also we live about 45 minutes away from each other and I know he can get any girl yet choses to see me. it makes me happy. plus all his friends know and thry all love me. even his sister said she does. but just because they do, doesnt mean he does. or maybe he just really isnt ready for more.

    needless to say, if you think you can deal with a fwb go for it, but keep in mind most of the time it wont turn into more and you will find yourself getting hurt. especially when you end up turning down guys who want more for a guy who wants sex.

  8. avatar Eliza says:

    In January I started talking to this guy and he had a girlfriend so i definitely thought I had no chance but then I started falling for him and I actually told him that after about 3 weeks and then he broke up with his girlfriend (not because of me). I was so happy and we started talking about how we wanted someone to hook up with but we didn’t want anyone at school to know and we didn’t want any strings attached. We decided that we would be FWB together. I told myself over and over that I could handle this and that this is what I wanted (him) so I should just do it. We hooked up once and it was amazing. We’ve been talking ever since, but at school we see each other and its like he doesn’t even know me. Then he will text me at night and be all flirtacious and I get mad because I feel like I’m trash to him. People can be so fake these days. We hooked up again this past weekend and did more than I thought I would do but I enjoyed ever single second of it and don’t regret one bit of it. I want more from him though and I don’t know how to tell him because he just got out of a relationship and doesn’t want a girlfriend and I don’t necessarily want a boyfriend, I just want some type of commitment. I know if I were to hookup with someone else he would get mad at me, but if he hooks up with someone else I get mad at him, then I’m the bad guy and being dramatic. I could honestly see me maybe losing my virginity too him (he’s 18 3 days after I turn 16) because we just have this connection whenever we talk and are together. I know he cares about me but he won’t admit it. He’s told me before that he has because I asked and then he said it was a stupid question because “of course” he cared about me. My friend told me today that she saw him look at me like I was his girlfriend and I just wanted to start crying. What should I do?! Thanks

    • avatar Shania says:

      I am in the same thing as you with this guy i have been FWB with .He tells me im sexy and beautiful and how he never met a girl like me .When were at school he would talk to me like were freinds and nothing goes on between us , he would flirt with other girls and it makes me wanna die .But when were texting each other or with each other its a whole different story .I have a feeling he wants to ask me out but is scared to we have hooked up many times and like you i dont regret it we never had sex cause were only 14 and is waiting for the right time to do it . Plus we have been doin gthis for 9 months and its been going great so far .Im jealous most of the time when we are at school and he flirts with other girls it makes me wanna just kiss him and make them know im messing with him but i cant cause were not together even though i want to be .He asked me if he asked me out if i would say yes to him and i did say yes .Now this weekend he asked me if i would go to the movies with him so we can talk and i just know he wants to ask me out

  9. avatar g says:

    I was seeing this guy a year or so back: then we stopped and i was recently at his sister’s party and i went up to see him because i’d missed him a lot. we ended up kissing and then having sex. we’ve done it again since then, but he’s only been out of a relationship for two weeks so i just don’t know hat to do because i adore him and would love to be with him but i just don’t know.

  10. avatar Alyssa says:

    I have been hooking up with a guy who is just a friend for the past few weeks. I’ve known him for a couple of years, but we only recently started our FWB thing. He is amazing (: I realized that we had chemistry after we actually started going out and doing things together, because being with him just felt right. I told him a few days ago that I dont want just sex from him anymore, I want more from him, &it’s kind of a complicated situation, but I know it made him feel good to know how I felt. I told him that I was cutting him off until he made me his girlfriend (: If im good enough for him to sleep with, I should be good enough for him to commit to, right? Well, it worked.

  11. avatar Mike200sx says:

    Fwb is one if the most unhealthy, strangest, and badass relationship two people can get into. Being a alpha-persona male I would like to inform some readers about the “man whore asshole” side of things.
    Firstly, any pre sex relationship will forever be forfeited.
    lastly, fwb requires a lot of communication from both partners. Partners must be able to talk sex feelings and emotions aloud with one another. With out flowing communication than someone will take the relationship to awkward territory.

    • avatar Mike200sx says:

      From the typical make point of view it’s just fooling around… JUST FOOLING AROUND. If you wish to lock a guy down start talking to him about your wants/needs/goals (they’re differences). To start this conversation never start with “we have to talk” because men typically will shit down their brains because bad news is on the way. Instead as fwb yall should be plenty open so just casually bring up the possiblity of progressing to a monogimous relationship

  12. avatar mackenzie says:

    I’ve liked this guy for like 4 years. We’ve kind of talked before but it just turned into a fwb relationship. Sometimes I feel like it isnt too bad because he is always there if Im alone or something, but other times I start to get really attatched and miss him. He gets jealous when Im with other guys and vice versa. Things are very complicated and will never be the same. I think you should either end it or try to make it more than that. just sticking with the fwb realtionship will just be really hard.

  13. avatar natalie says:

    you shouldnt get a friend with benfits unless u know without a doubt you can keep your feeling out because that is how you get hurt

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