i heard my parents doing it and can’t get it out of my mind!

Dear Heather,
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard my parents doing it. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do so I just tried to go back to sleep. I can’t get it out of my mind!! I want them to know and feel guilty and be more careful but I do not want to confront them at all! What should I do? 


That really is an awkward situation and obviously, it’s totally affected you. I think anyone who overhears other people have sex feels strangely alienated, angry and disrespected (though there are people who get off on it). Those feelings can get all the more intense when you hear your own parents.

|While it would be awesome to be immaculately conceived, you’re her cause your parents have sex. Make sure you know just how we all got here. (cue the ewws)|

It seems like this is the first time it has happened, so I wouldn’t say anything just yet. I know it’s weird, but try to put yourself in their shoes — when you are in love and you’re connected with someone, sex is a powerful, pleasureful tool for both parties. You look forward to sharing that bond with someone eventually, right? Your parents are human too, and want to enjoy each other in that way. I’m not saying that you should be happy that they’re doing it and I’m not arguing that sex is the only or best way to gauge the health of a relationship, but I think it’s great that your parents are still connecting in that way. I don’t think you should hold it against your parents for what seems like a mistake in being too loud.

It might take some time to get the sounds and images out of your head, but maybe it’ll help you to listen to soft music (e.g. The Shins and Ray LaMontagne, not like, smooth jazz or anything) on your iPod as you wind down, or read books that have absolutely nothing to do with relationships and sex like The Canterbury Tales or a biography of Helen Keller. Once you distract your mind repeatedly, hopefully those sounds will be forgotten.

|Need more healthy distractions? It’s time to play some gURL games!|

Now, if this wasn’t a one time deal, you do have a delicate situation. I think for this, you go to your mom and handle it kind of like you’re Aria Montgomery on Pretty Little Liars. She seems way beyond her years in how comfortable she is talking to her parents about their relationship, right? Channel her maturity and openly say to your mom when you two are naturally alone (don’t schedule a time to talk or anything), “Hey Mom, I’m sure you didn’t know and didn’t mean anything by it, but I feel really uncomfortable when I hear you and dad doing it.” That should be enough. She might be embarrassed or blow it off as a  cover for her embarrassment, but hopefully, that’s as far as the convo will go and she’ll get the point. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want you to hear them.

If they keep going at it after this talk, we have a bigger problem. So let me know how it goes and we’ll go from there, OK?

Have you ever heard your parents doing it? How’d it make you feel? Did you ever have to say anything to them? Tell me below!

take care,


What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Family, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
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  • Nick

    Ugh this is the first time I have heard my parents do it and I actually have a stomach ache I feel so grossed out, nauseous, and mad. WTF!!! It was only 10 at night and my light was on so they knew I was up!!! I feel like puking. I seriously never want to talk to them again. Get a hotel room. Gross.

  • Alayia Middleton

    So I’m in middle sleeping when I wake up I could feel my bed shaking when I went to look my mom door was close so I knew what that means so I just all ways fake something wrong with me make them stop

  • Ella Reid

    they said go have dreams about dad being silly, i mean WTF literaly WTF

  • Ella Reid

    bad dream faked it and smelled fine

  • Ella Reid

    HELP ME PLZ.. i heard my mom and dad doing it and im only 11 help me i repeat help me get it out of my head!!

  • Anthony

    Last night i woke up it was like 3 a.m i heard them doing it and the noises were too clear and loud, i am really pissed off from them because they do have already 2 children (me and my sister) and we are barely living comfortably in our lives, i couldnt imagine how we could live with another little baby in our family. In this way they are ruining our future, they know that we arent that good enough economically then why the fuck are they doing it

  • Lillie Jonts

    Last night I was woken up my the sound of my mum moaning and there bed squeaking. I’m 12 and I knew straight away what it was since last summer when we were on holiday they had sex , and were being pretty loud . Back then , I was a bit confused but they I kinda figured it out . It made the whole holiday REALLY awkward and kinda ruined it . Last night it woke me up and it made me really angry and upset. It weirded me out since my mum has mentioned stuff about her going through menopause (she’s 51) and that just made me really angry. Is that normal? I was crying so much and I felt so alone and sort of betrayed. It went on for ages and by the end I felt sick with crying. I also heard my dad as well . I felt really angry like ‘ I live in this house too , so don’t you think about us?’ The next morning it was really awkward but I was annoyed she acted like nothing happened, I want to talk to her but I don’t know how to word it and I’m scared it will be really awkward and embarrassing! Afterwards I heard them talking about how good it was and I was nearly sick . In my mind I was thinking like ‘ why aren’t you here when I need you most?’ It just made me REALLY weirded out and angry at them for being loud etc . I couldn’t even make eye contact with them because the noises and sounds just came back to me . I’m scared it will happen again , WHAT CAN I DO? Please someone help, sorry it’s so long . Please reply , I need advice

  • Alex

    Last night I heard my mom and stepdad doing it and I got really angry for some reason and I wanted to rip his heart out right then and there. Is it normal to get that angry at your stepdad?

  • Lydia

    so this morning at like 5 in the morning, I woke up, but it was pitch black in my room, so I fumbled about for a while till I found a flashlight and checked my alarm clock, which said 5:28. I then got back to my pillow and tried to fall back asleep, but then I started to hear my parents bed squeaking super fast and immediately knew they were having sex, because I learned the birds and the bees at a young age, so then I was like, they’ve done it before, like at least 10 times in the last month of us getting a new house, so now I’m disgusted because, their FUCKING had to wake me up so early in the morning so then at like 8 when I got out of bed I told my mom about having woken up around that time, but not about them having sex, and we’ve talked about it before, and she’s always like, we’re married, it’s healthy, but I can’t help feeling disrespected and like it’s not healthy to do it so often. In October at our old house the week of my dad’s birthday, I missed my brother, so I slept in his room and the whole week at exactly midnight they’d start doing it, and doing it fast, and at the end of each session I hear a super long moan. It disgusts me, but my parents always act like it’s nothing. Today I even caught my mom walking around kinda stiff legged. I hate them! Why can’t they do it slower and quieter? Like, you don’t have to moan super loudly and squeak the bed so much it wakes me up. And I’m a heavy sleeper, so they have to do it loudly to wake me up. Like be more discreet, please!

  • Carrot Cheese

    Im one of those ppl who are like, nocturnal, so one day I heard groans coming from my mom’s room, I knew nothing about it then, so I brushed it off, but it just happened again tonight, but this time I could hear rythmatic squeaking, then I realized that they were making love on the couch, now I can’t get it out of my head. I’m too nervous to confront them, my head just goes like, NO! What if they get angry?!

  • Alexander Paine

    I’ve heard my parents having sex in their bedroom several times, the first time it bothered me but now I’m okay with it. Today they had sex in the shower that I use, they have their own bathroom but chose to use mine. Its four in the afternoon and they were both aware I was home and I would have been okay with it if it had been in their bedroom. I feel uncomfortable using that bathroom now and I feel disgusted thinking about the next time I have to take a shower. I usually avoid them after they have sex until after they shower, but after they finished doing it my mom left right away without washing. Probably to throw off by not leaving the bathroom at the same time. I not quite sure what to do but right now I have an urge to slyly suggest to my mom that she should clean the shower or something like that.

  • Nancy

    I heard my parents doing it just a few minutes ago, and I am scarred for life. Not because it was gross, but the idea of it and the sounds I heard threw me off. When I was walking through my house, I tried to find my mom and dad. Then I noticed the bedroom door was closed, when it usually isn’t during the day. I didn’t find them anywhere in the house, so I assumed they were in there. I didn’t knock however because I didn’t hear them, which made me confused. Either way, I was fixing my hair in the bathroom when I heard gasps. Long story short, at the “end” I heard them both gasp for a little while. Not loudly, but I was near the door so I could hear pretty clearly. After that happened, I started crying. I understand my parents were happy and/or they needed some “time off”, but it scared me to think they didn’t have protection. What if they didn’t, what if my mom gets pregnant? She’s 50 right now and I am scared to think about it. I never would have thought I would experience this in my life, but now that I have, I am completely horrified. I haven’t told them anything yet, which is why I am asking for help. Is there anything in specific I should say? Should I state my opinion or leave them be? Thank you for the help.

  • Olivia

    Happened right now, there not loud but when i walk downstairs to my room i can hear my mom sighing and it grosses me out!