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Dear Heather,Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard my parents doing it. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do so I just tried to go back to sleep. I can’t get it out of my mind!! I want them to know and feel guilty and be more careful but I do not want to confront them at all! What should I do?
That really is an awkward situation and obviously, it’s totally affected you. I think anyone who overhears other people have sex feels strangely alienated, angry and disrespected (though there are people who get off on it). Those feelings can get all the more intense when you hear your own parents.
It seems like this is the first time it has happened, so I wouldn’t say anything just yet. I know it’s weird, but try to put yourself in their shoes — when you are in love and you’re connected with someone, sex is a powerful, pleasureful tool for both parties. You look forward to sharing that bond with someone eventually, right? Your parents are human too, and want to enjoy each other in that way. I’m not saying that you should be happy that they’re doing it and I’m not arguing that sex is the only or best way to gauge the health of a relationship, but I think it’s great that your parents are still connecting in that way. I don’t think you should hold it against your parents for what seems like a mistake in being too loud.
It might take some time to get the sounds and images out of your head, but maybe it’ll help you to listen to soft music (e.g. The Shins and Ray LaMontagne, not like, smooth jazz or anything) on your iPod as you wind down, or read books that have absolutely nothing to do with relationships and sex like The Canterbury Tales or a biography of Helen Keller. Once you distract your mind repeatedly, hopefully those sounds will be forgotten.
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Now, if this wasn’t a one time deal, you do have a delicate situation. I think for this, you go to your mom and handle it kind of like you’re Aria Montgomery on Pretty Little Liars. She seems way beyond her years in how comfortable she is talking to her parents about their relationship, right? Channel her maturity and openly say to your mom when you two are naturally alone (don’t schedule a time to talk or anything), “Hey Mom, I’m sure you didn’t know and didn’t mean anything by it, but I feel really uncomfortable when I hear you and dad doing it.” That should be enough. She might be embarrassed or blow it off as a cover for her embarrassment, but hopefully, that’s as far as the convo will go and she’ll get the point. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want you to hear them.
If they keep going at it after this talk, we have a bigger problem. So let me know how it goes and we’ll go from there, OK?
Have you ever heard your parents doing it? How’d it make you feel? Did you ever have to say anything to them? Tell me below!
take care,
heather
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Can You Trust Him?
Yesterday, it was 10:30 pm and my room is next to the kitchen… I heard my mam screaming like ‘YES’ ‘OH that feel good” and so on… so I was like ‘what’s happening?!’. They were having sex in the KITCHEN! OMG, i’m shocked (that’s why I’m here) and I feel disrespected. I mean why in the kitchen? Why when i’m not sleeping? Why so loudly? This afernoon I told my mam that I heard everything and that I didn’t want to hear it, that i’m shocked and so on… And she just screamed at me! She said that it wasn’t my business and stuffs like that, she was mad… And she said ‘I won’t appologize, it’s my life!!!’ . Okay, she can have sex, but I don’t need to know. She was doing it in the kitchen next to my room and I could hear everything.
I’m so confused… And she was doing it with my ” father in law”, who almost has the same age as my grand father. I just thing it’s disgusting, I try to accept the life of my mam, but that was just too much. Can you give me some advises please?
thank you for your help
hey, i’m sorry but I’m French and I not perfect in English. It’s not my father in law but it’s my STEPFATHER.
that happened to me!! But instead it was my dad and his girlfriend. His room is right above mine and I heard them and I was only 12 at the time. I am still traumatized!! I can hear everything. I was crying and Slamming on the floor and screaming and then I told them never to do it again while i was in the house and then it happened again 3 more times! I told them to QUIT IT! I am very sensitive to any noise now even if i just hear moaning or banging I freak out! The girlfriend told me not to tell her kids when her kids are only 1 year younger. Why do it in my house and not your own come on!
I feel the exact same way. My mom and this guy she has an on/off relationship with are doing it right now. I locked myself in the bathroom and started crying, I don’t know why but I always cry when she has sex and I can hear her. I feel like traumatized. She’s not even with the guy, it makes me so angry, too, because she’s always like “don’t have sex until you’re married” but she doesn’t practice what she preaches, because “she’s an adult”. My boyfriend and best friend are currently asleep so I have no one to talk to, just my music and trying to find something to do to get my mind off of this. She’s seriously so loud and rude, I can hear the bed slamming into the wall and noises, might as well do it right in front of me. It offends me so much. I just feel so mixed about it, and when I tell her she blows it off and tells me to quit acting stupid or she doesn’t care what I think about it.