i heard my parents doing it and can’t get it out of my mind!

Dear Heather,
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard my parents doing it. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do so I just tried to go back to sleep. I can’t get it out of my mind!! I want them to know and feel guilty and be more careful but I do not want to confront them at all! What should I do? 


That really is an awkward situation and obviously, it’s totally affected you. I think anyone who overhears other people have sex feels strangely alienated, angry and disrespected (though there are people who get off on it). Those feelings can get all the more intense when you hear your own parents.

|While it would be awesome to be immaculately conceived, you’re her cause your parents have sex. Make sure you know just how we all got here. (cue the ewws)|

It seems like this is the first time it has happened, so I wouldn’t say anything just yet. I know it’s weird, but try to put yourself in their shoes — when you are in love and you’re connected with someone, sex is a powerful, pleasureful tool for both parties. You look forward to sharing that bond with someone eventually, right? Your parents are human too, and want to enjoy each other in that way. I’m not saying that you should be happy that they’re doing it and I’m not arguing that sex is the only or best way to gauge the health of a relationship, but I think it’s great that your parents are still connecting in that way. I don’t think you should hold it against your parents for what seems like a mistake in being too loud.

It might take some time to get the sounds and images out of your head, but maybe it’ll help you to listen to soft music (e.g. The Shins and Ray LaMontagne, not like, smooth jazz or anything) on your iPod as you wind down, or read books that have absolutely nothing to do with relationships and sex like The Canterbury Tales or a biography of Helen Keller. Once you distract your mind repeatedly, hopefully those sounds will be forgotten.

|Need more healthy distractions? It’s time to play some gURL games!|

Now, if this wasn’t a one time deal, you do have a delicate situation. I think for this, you go to your mom and handle it kind of like you’re Aria Montgomery on Pretty Little Liars. She seems way beyond her years in how comfortable she is talking to her parents about their relationship, right? Channel her maturity and openly say to your mom when you two are naturally alone (don’t schedule a time to talk or anything), “Hey Mom, I’m sure you didn’t know and didn’t mean anything by it, but I feel really uncomfortable when I hear you and dad doing it.” That should be enough. She might be embarrassed or blow it off as a  cover for her embarrassment, but hopefully, that’s as far as the convo will go and she’ll get the point. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want you to hear them.

If they keep going at it after this talk, we have a bigger problem. So let me know how it goes and we’ll go from there, OK?

Have you ever heard your parents doing it? How’d it make you feel? Did you ever have to say anything to them? Tell me below!

take care,


What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Family, Help Me Heather, Love Advice, Sex, Sex
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  • Someone*

    I have heard my mum & step dad. Your completely right about the feeling of being annoyed and alienated. I’ve tried talking to my parents about it several times, but they don’t seem to care, in fact it’s gotten worse! Of coarse I understand that it’s perfectly natural for adults to do that, but I really do not want to hear them. But still, they do not care & say I’m being stupid for feeling upset every darn time. Ive tried earplugs but there too uncomfortable, I’ve even tried headphones but I have to turn them up really loud due to the thin walls, and it always gives me a splitting headache in the morning. Once it even got wrapped around my throat in my sleep. I just don’t know what to do… I’m probably being silly, but I can not help the way I feel. That too is perfectly natural.

  • Billy

    Just go to their room and sleep on thier bed while they are home and if they say don,t they had sex

  • Carrie

    Annoyed is an understatement! I can hear them and I just feel like crying. We all go to bed at the same time and my mum comes into my room to say goodnight then closes my door right to, which she never normally does unless they are going to make out! So that’s the first sign! On any normal night, they tend to leave their door open, unless, again, they are going to make out, then they close their door right to! That’s the second most obvious sign! But the thing that really winds me up is that they know I am wide awake when they are doing it!l and all I can hear is my mum moaning and panting! It really cringes me out, I know they are humans and are in love but they shouldn’t be doing it knowing full well that I’m wide awake! At least let me fall asleep first! :'( I am now 19 and this has been happening since I was about 9/10! What I will always hold against them though is the time we went camping and they had way too much to drink and me and my brother (who was about 4 at the time) woke up in the middle of the night to the camper shaking and low and behold, they were at it and we could see everything!!! They are disgusting and I still hold that against them until this day! :'( :'(

  • Jackie

    So I have been hearing my parents doing the nasty since I was 8 and I am now 13. I have told my mom quite a few times but she just gets mad and doesn’t care then the next night they will wake me up again with their moans and the shaking of the bed because my room is right under theirs . What do I do

    • christopher jacob

      moveto another bedroom so ouwilnoth ear them

  • Rose

    A year ago when i was thirteen i heard my parents doing it. They were in the spare guest room right beside mine for some reason,maybe they dident want to wake my two younger brothers who sleep in the room right beside theirs,but they sure as hell woke me. At first i just heard them talking and laughing.then i heard the bed making squaking sounds and moaning. This went on for a few minutes and i was just frozen in my bed,unsure what to do. Then i was like fuck this,im not listening to this any more. So i started banging on my wall with my fist, and puting my blanket over my ears to block the sounds out. I dont no how the hell i managed to sleep but i did. The next morning my mom asked me if i was banging on the wall last night,i said no,but to this day i wish to hell that i had confronted them to make them feel bad.

  • liliana

    I have once seen them both naked and I felt really scared and last night I
    Heard my dad moaning it was terrible. I pretended to get something from there room and it smelled awful I don’t know what to do plez help me I feel mentally disordered

  • Amelia

    My dad died 3 years ago and my mum started dating another man. I heard them for the first time when i was 14 and Ive just turned 15. I hear them quite often and I can’t sleep at night. I get so upset, i cry and stay up all night feeling distraught. I don’t understand why it bothers me so much like I totally understand that their in love and one day I will be the same but I’m talking about right now. Im a kid and its not something i want to hear, I just wish I completely knew why 1) maybe as my dads passed away i feel like she’s replacing him. Im sure she doesn’t mean it to come across that way but thats what I can’t help feeling. and 2) obviously i just don’t want to hear that kind of stuff. I just wish i could tell her, maybe just by making a joke out of it but me and my mum don’t have that kind of bond. I wouldn’t know how to word it. It makes me feel alone as i feel as though theres no one to speak about it to. Ive spoken about it to my best friend and my brothers but i feel like their not too bothered and just don’t really know what to say. I don’t know what to do anymore, i can’t get to sleep at night and its ruining my sleeping pattern. I cent help but think about it. please help me.

    • Jackie

      I know what you me last night I heard my parents and i got really angry and banged on the door then just started crying I am thirteen and I don’t know why I get so angry and sensitive every time just try to sleep in a quieter room and listen to music till you fall asleep

  • Anonymous

    This happens to me too. I’m 12 and my mum came home with her “friend” (which I know know they are together) and they went upstairs and I could hear the bed shaking when I was in the kitchen (as her room is above the kitchen) I was speechless because I have never heard we before. I tried to ignore it as well and I’m sure you are a smart person so I think you should tell her :) I hope everything goes well.

  • Nikita Coury

    Even as I type this my parents r making love. I feel sick ti my stomach, have my door closed, and my music turned on, but I can still hear them. the last time they did this, I stayed up all night crying, when they woke up they tried comferting me and I didn’t go to school: I was too tired from staying up all night. they didn’t like it that I felt uncomfortable in my own home, so now we keep our doors cracked open. but now they’ve been doing it for two hours and I can’t sleep at all, even though I’m dragging. plesse pray for me

  • eric

    my parents are fucking right now they do it every fucking day in the middle of the after noon its fucking annoying now JUST SHUT UP IM CLEARLY FUCKING AWAKE RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR ROOM I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF YOUR FUCKING JUST QUIT FUCKING MOANING ITS SO ANNOYING YOUR MAKING IT SO OBIVIOUS

  • Caitlin

    Im 12 and i just heard my parents having sex..and i feel like crying becuz ive never heard it b4 and i thought were too old to do it..guess not.i feel creeped out and stuff. I talked to my mom and it was pretty dramatic, but i still feel freaked out..i kno they had it b4 cuz they had to so i could b born,but still,i didnt want to hear it. What can i do to make myself feel better?

  • trappergirl13

    My parents are having sex right now. I bang on my wall go to the bathroom move around in my bed and try to make a lot of noise. I hate it when they do that I can fell the shaking in my own bed and they have done this when we were in a camper and it wasn’t even theirs. We have really thin wall and my 6 year old sister is in the room right next to them (the room that I had) but she doesn’t wake up I have talked to my mom about it but all she does is deny it all. I have talked to my older sister and she said that it wasn’t right. My parents know that I’m still up because my mom was Justin my room . They turn their tv up and close the door but no matter what I can still hear them. I get mad then I cry and can’t sleep for about a week. Wheat can I do? I don’t want any suggestions about putting my self in their place or I wouldn’t be here stuff like that I know that and I understand that but it’s bad enough when you have seen your mom with another man doing it and your parents constantly talking sexually around me and my little sister. My dad talks like that To me. And I’m sick of it. I once wanted to run out of the house because of they doing that.

    • Bekahlouboo

      This is exactly my life, it’s horribly and has a genuine effect on me. I don’t know what to do anymore! My parents are so creepy and inappropriate, extremely inconsiderate and perverted.

    • Maddy

      It’s disgusting. I tried to sleep but I start getting really mad. The bed was rocking for hours and I heard my mom,orgasming… both of their hair was a mess and they said they were cleaning….

  • Jourdan

    When I was at my moms, I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard my mom having sex with her boyfriend!! I couldn’t get the picture out of my mind!!!

  • Ally

    I keep hearing my parents doing it, so i get up very loudly, flush the toilet, slam the door, and cry because I hate the picture in my head. Idk why they do it though, my mom doesn’t even like my dad that much anymore, they fight, the. Have sex right after, talk about ****. Please help me someone.

  • Emma

    I just heard my parents having sex, I’m 14 and I’ve never heard this before. It’s not that’s I feel violated or disrespected its just that I don’t know if I should say something because its thier wedding anniversary. But the problem is I know that they have done it before because my sister has told me she has heard it (she is 15 almost 16) and every single morning since I was 11 I go into my mums bedroom in the morning when my dad has gone to work to give her her pills and i usually lie down on the bed. So it has just sunk in that I have probably lay where they have had sex and now I feel dirty and weird but not really uncomfortable as such. Should I say something ??