My Ex-BFF is Following Me Around Like a Creep. How Can I Make Her Get the Point?

Hi Heather,

I used to be friends with this girl, but we have moved on to secondary school, and now I don’t like her. My closest friend feels the same way about her. Now she’s started to follow us like some weird stalker. And we’ve tried to tell her to stop it but she’s prone to crying at the slightest thing, and I don’t want to look like a bully, even though I did nothing.

It’s gotten so bad that she will follow us to our corner shop at lunch for no reason then follow us back, staring at us. It’s beginning to creep me out!!!

Since you didn’t say that your old friend did something wrong, I’m going to assume that she didn’t. I know you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong and that you’re not a bully, but honestly, you and your BFF have ditched your other friend, and as a result, she feels hurt and confused. I hate to tell you, but it sounds like you’re being a mean gURL.

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It’s fine and natural to grow out of relationships, but there’s never an excuse to just flat-out stop being friends with someone without giving them a reasonable (or really, any) explanation. Or worse yet, ignore them and make them seem worse than they are to justify your feelings. Put yourself in your ex-friend’s shoes: She’s sensitive and awkward (maybe that’s why you don’t want to be friends with her anymore?), and doesn’t know why you and your other friend won’t invite her places, talk to her, or involve her in anything. She’s so lost that all she can do is follow you around and hope you’ll accept her as quickly as you rejected her. Can you really blame her?

If you just want nothing to do with this gURL, talk to her one-on-one and be honest that your friendship just isn’t the same anymore, and that you feel you’re too different to keep hanging out. Sometimes we’re mean to people when we don’t want them around, but that’s not the mature way to handle it. Controlling your emotions is key. Treat it like you were breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend: Be fair, gentle, and respectful.

|Heather helps a gURL who’s getting freaky texts from her crush. What would you do?|

And even though it’s not your job to hang out with your old friend or even be nice to her, I really hope that you rise above this, apologize for being mean, and make good with her again. I know that it’s hard to start secondary school (or any new place), and that sometimes by bullying others, we take the heat off ourselves. But this is your chance to be one of those awesome gURLs who accepts people even if they’re weird or dorky or whatever. I know your old friend will really appreciate your kindness (and coolness!).

What do you say, gURLs? Have you ever been friends with someone even though they were kind of weird? Are you the weird friend? I’d love to hear your advice!

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

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Posted in: Friends, Help Me Heather
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  • LAUREN

    Ok, let me ask the obvious, WHY DONT YOU WANT TO BE HER FRIEND? I'm probably ALOT older than you and let me tell you something really worth knowing…the people that your are rudest to when your young, are your superiors later in life. Trust me on this. If she didnt do anything to hurt you, then why cant you be her friend?

  • Jayme

    If you want to dump your friend, do it nicely! My friend dumnped me in an email and it hurt so much because the day befor she sent it she stayed at my house. If i was in you position, i would go to her face-to-face, tell her why, but be nice! tell her that there is nothing rong with her to make her feel better. I'm not a kreeper but i do know it hurts :/

  • um.hi I have a question but not about this.

  • Seisha

    Dear Heather,

    My bestfriend for 8 years basically dumped me after hearing a few rumours from a very rude girl at my school when returning from summer camp.

    I was oblivious to the fact that this rude girl was saying things about me because she, too was a friend of mine.

    I miss her and love her so so much still. We used to spend all of our time together, and she was my only real friend, the only person i told everything to.

    She was like a sister.

    And now shes jsut gone, and all of my old friends dropped me too. I am heartbroken, it hasbeen 6 months now and i try and think and do things to get it off my mind but i live in a small town, there is no escaping this feeling of abondness.

    Please help me, i am a mess.

  • Anonymous

    I've been in the same situation too 😛

    I had a friend called A, and she was in my friend group which will be named B. Everyone in B wasn't friends with A, really, the only reason why A was in our circle was because she followed me into it. At one point came a time when there was a dispute where A wanted no one else to talk to me. She controlled everything, who I talked to, who I was seen with and she always found out who I was on various sites . We eliminated A from the group. She began rumors of us, and everyone knew they were lies, turning the rest of the grade against A. B was supportive of my situation, and kept me hidden during recesses or sat with me in class. When we seeked teacher help, A pulled a nice girl act and she was let off the hook.

    Just a week after that, she came running back to me, of course I couldn't forgive her. She spread more hate and rumors before finding a new friend. Since then, she still follows me at lunch and intercepts any conversations with friends.

    Just talk to her, find out why she acts like this. If she acts aggressively like in my situation, see if it follows a pattern. If that's the case, I wouldn't bother keeping her as a friend.

  • Kris kris

    I can really relate to this problem. But not in your shoes, your ex-friends shoes. Maybe if I told you my story it would help your situation. In elementary school, almost everyone is friends and there really isn't any drama going on. I used to be outgoing, was able to get along with anyone, and I had many close friends. But then came along middle school. It was a new enviornment and I didn't know alot of people there and I was scared. Many people were rude some were nice but it was hard to make friends. This caused me to become shy, less confident, and a bit akward.

    But to get to the point, my really close friend from elementary school went to the same middle school as I did. Something happend between us and we weren't as close. I now relize that we just grew apart. But I remember trying to hang out with her, and trying to sit with her a lunch and stuff like that but everytime I tried to be around her she would ignore me along with her other friends. I mean, since I didn't really have any friends I just really wanted to be accepted, to fit in, and be with someone I knew, someone I thought was a friend. I didn't know that they were ignoring me on purpose until I heard them whispering about me saying things like, "why does she always follow us?" and "just ignore her and maybe she will get the hint that we don't want her hanging with us?" I was so crushed from this, especially when one girl asked my ex- friend why she was ever friends with me in the first place and told her that I was akward and weird. I finally got the message and left them alone. I remember crying for a whole week because I was so hurt.

    Luckily for me, it didn't take too long for me to make friends after this. And during my last year of middle school I gained my confidence back and had many friends. I just wish my ex friend would have pulled me aside and nicely talk to me about how we aren't as close anymore and that I don't really fit in with her crew. Or that they could have just simply been nice to me, but they weren't. Now that we're in high school, surprisingly, we all get along just fine. I'll never forget how they made me feel but I guess I forgive them. My ex- friend doesn't really speak to me much except for the ocasional hi in the hallway.

    Like heather said, just nicely tell her that you guys aren't as close as you used to be and that hanging out isn't the same. And be nice to her no matter what especially when she has never done anything to you. She doesn't deserve to be treated like I was. I hope you take what I said to heart because I don't want your "friend" to be hurt. Glad to help.