I used to be friends with this girl, but we have moved on to secondary school, and now I don’t like her. My closest friend feels the same way about her. Now she’s started to follow us like some weird stalker. And we’ve tried to tell her to stop it but she’s prone to crying at the slightest thing, and I don’t want to look like a bully, even though I did nothing.
It’s gotten so bad that she will follow us to our corner shop at lunch for no reason then follow us back, staring at us. It’s beginning to creep me out!!!
Since you didn’t say that your old friend did something wrong, I’m going to assume that she didn’t. I know you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong and that you’re not a bully, but honestly, you and your BFF have ditched your other friend, and as a result, she feels hurt and confused. I hate to tell you, but it sounds like you’re being a mean gURL.
It’s fine and natural to grow out of relationships, but there’s never an excuse to just flat-out stop being friends with someone without giving them a reasonable (or really, any) explanation. Or worse yet, ignore them and make them seem worse than they are to justify your feelings. Put yourself in your ex-friend’s shoes: She’s sensitive and awkward (maybe that’s why you don’t want to be friends with her anymore?), and doesn’t know why you and your other friend won’t invite her places, talk to her, or involve her in anything. She’s so lost that all she can do is follow you around and hope you’ll accept her as quickly as you rejected her. Can you really blame her?
If you just want nothing to do with this gURL, talk to her one-on-one and be honest that your friendship just isn’t the same anymore, and that you feel you’re too different to keep hanging out. Sometimes we’re mean to people when we don’t want them around, but that’s not the mature way to handle it. Controlling your emotions is key. Treat it like you were breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend: Be fair, gentle, and respectful.
And even though it’s not your job to hang out with your old friend or even be nice to her, I really hope that you rise above this, apologize for being mean, and make good with her again. I know that it’s hard to start secondary school (or any new place), and that sometimes by bullying others, we take the heat off ourselves. But this is your chance to be one of those awesome gURLs who accepts people even if they’re weird or dorky or whatever. I know your old friend will really appreciate your kindness (and coolness!).
What do you say, gURLs? Have you ever been friends with someone even though they were kind of weird? Are you the weird friend? I’d love to hear your advice!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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